


365 days of you

by wolf__kwan



Category: A.C.E (Beat Interactive Band)
Genre: M/M, Wowson - Freeform, wowkwan
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-06
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2019-09-12 20:43:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 76,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16878852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolf__kwan/pseuds/wolf__kwan
Summary: It was never easy for Sehyoon to be fully himself, but once he meets a new makeup artist on a set for his new music video, things change.





	1. 1.

Sehyoon has written his first song when he was 13. He could still remember the exact feelings he was going through when he wrote it – the pain he felt, the humiliation, how much he was ashamed of himself. He’s liked a boy from his school for some time and he noticed that none of his guy friends ever talked about liking a boy, so he thought he’d ask his parents about his feelings. What he got for asking that was a lecture that kept going for hours, his parents explaining to him over and over again that he could never, ever tell anybody about what he felt for that boy and that it was not normal, that he was sick and needed to clense his mind from all these awful thoughts he was having. After they were finally finished with calling Sehyoon every swear word that existed, they locked him in his room and decided he should not go out until he understands how sinful his mind was. He was locked in that room for days, his parents gave him just the bare necessities, and on the third day of being locked up, he wrote that song. It was a heartbreaking one, the lyrics screamed desperation and sadness, and it somehow made Sehyoon feel better. Being able to let out all the pain, to write down what he was thinking and feeling, it really helped him. So, from there on, it was what he did every time he was overwhelmed with feelings. He was never terribly good at saying his thoughts out loud but it somehow got easier when they were in the form of lyrics. He wrote when he was happy, he wrote when he was sad, and he wrote when his parents told him he’d be going to another city for uni. They decided he should no longer be living with them, and he had to move out. To Seoul. Alone.

Seoul was the place he met Donghun for the first time. Since he was there all on his own, he decided to go for some open mics, which slowly turned out into underground clubs full of people that really liked his rapping. They enjoyed his dark lyrics, they could releate to the emptiness he was spitting into the microphone. On one of those events, where he was the headline of the night, Donghun found him. He told him how impressed he was with his music, that he was following all his releases and mixtapes for quite some time and that he was hoping they might get together and, maybe, do a whole album. Sehyoon didn’t think long before saying yes, and everything seemed to go quick after that. Donghun’s label loved every song Sehyoon put out, the album was done in just couple of months and the darker Sehyoon’s lyrics were, the more fans he attracted. Once he released his first video, where his face was shown, the fan dynamic switched from the angsty boys to thirsty girls, and so he started exploring more – sexy songs, lyrics about wanting to get laid and how good he was in all of that. What his fans didn’t know, of course, was that he was writing those lyrics with boys running in his head. He did try to get with girls, he really tried to make his parents happy, but he simply couldn’t go through with it. And it was also one of the first conversations he‘s had with Donghun, the fact that he is gay and he knows it’s not a good thing in his field of choice, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Donghun was more than understanding, he had his own issues with liking the same sex, and they bonded over that rather quickly. Sehyoon never really had a close friend, because he was too afraid of getting close to guys and when he wanted to be friends with girls… well, they ended up asking him ou tone way or another and he wasn’t up for that, so those friendships never lasted either. In Donghun he found the first real friend he’s known and he couldn’t be happier about his best friend being his manager as well. It made a lot of things a lot easier.

The first award Sehyoon won for his lyrics was when he wrote a song for a singer in his company, Kang Yuchan. He was more of an idol singer, therefore reaching more people in the general public and everyone seemed to like Sehyoon’s lyrics about a broken heart that still felt hopeful in the end. Since he got that award, the number of people listening to his creations at least doubled and so his company decided it was time for him to try something new. A new concept. Happier one, for a change. It never took Sehyoon so long to write a song, he couldn’t relate to happy songs too well, but once he finally finished it, his company loved it, so it was decided. That would be his new single.

**Day 1**

When Sehyoon woke up that morning, he was already dreading what was ahead. He never expected to get to the level of fame he ended up with and it was the point of his career where he could branch out and try something new. That something new was decided to be a soft concept for his next song, along with a music video. And for that concept, him and his manager decided Sehyoon should try a different look as well – so he let his hair grow out, bleached it and the cherry on top was decided to be a statement make up. He was excited for it, he always wanted to try it, but he didn’t think he’d actually ever get to make it into one of his concept. So, he was very excited, but still nervous.   
He arrived on set of his MV just before noon, chatting with his manager, and a friend, as he walked over to a makeup station. He never really did high production video, that was gonna be his first one, and he could barely keep his excitement down.   
“I think the makeup guy is late,” Donghun, the manager, mumbled more for himself than anyone else, looking at his watch and around, trying to find someone.   
“Guy? A guy?” Sehyoon was taken aback, looking at his friend. He wasn’t expecting a man doing his makeup, not like he thought there was anything wrong with that but he knew the reason Donghun usually hired males.   
“Yeah. I found him on instagram, I think you will… enjoy his services,” Donghun grinned, before taking out his phone and walking away from the younger man, he still needed to make some phone calls, and so Sehyoon was left alone again. He was looking around, admiring all the space he suddenly had and he already had a vision of what the MV will look like and the vision alone was making him happy. He was brought back on earth when he heard a soft cough next to him.   
“Hi.”   
Sehyoon turned around, just to meet eyes with the cutest boy he’s ever seen. He was short, had pink hair in the prettiest shade and his kitten eyes made Sehyoon’s heart skip a beat. He’s always liked boys, but since he chose the career of a rapper, he knew he could never really be out. Not in his country, not with majority of his fans still being male – and the females enjoyed his music largely because of the way he looked. He knew that and he was okay with it, he believed they liked his music just as much as everything else about him. But nonetheless, the chances of his fans accepting him for what he was, a gay man, were very slim.   
“Hello! Are you the makeup guy?” Sehyoon finally spoke up, when he realized he was just staring for a while. The boy was dressed up in a babypink shirt with flowers all over it, tight light jeans that beautifully highlighted his thighs (and probably other parts of him, Sehyoon guessed), and beautiful make up that perfectly matched everything else. It was pink, nicely matching his hair, and his cheeks were sparkling with just the right amount of highlighter. Sehyoon was immediately impressed, he really liked when guys wore make up.   
“I am,” the younger one nodded, smiling brightly. He still couldn’t believe he was actually about to do Kim Sehyoon's make up. He’s been his fan for forever and seeing him in real life was even more unbelievable than seeing him on screen. Or on stage, Byeongkwan actually went to one of his concerts before. “Kim Byeongkwan, nice to meet you.”   
“You too, I’m Sehyoon,” he replied, keeping a straight face even though it was very difficult with Byeongkwan smiling constantly.   
“So… um, I don’t know if I should talk to Mr Lee first or can we just start?” Byeongkwan asked after another couple of minutes of awkward silence. He was usually pretty good at small talk but Sehyoon's gaze was so intense that his mind went blank.   
“Mr Lee Donghun?” Sehyoon chuckled, it was still weird to talk about his friend in the work terms. “I think we can just start.”   
“Okay. So, do you have any wishes, Mr Kim? I was told to discuss the details with you so I just brought everything, we can do whatever you want.”   
“Please, call me Sehyoon,” the older one finally smiled a little. He couldn’t believe he was about to stare at this boy for hours when all he wanted to do was kiss his beautiful lips the second he saw him.   
“Okay, Sehyoon,” Kwan smiled shyly, a light blush coloring his face, and Sehyoon’s stomach turned, he truly never saw anyone so beautiful. “Any ideas for the make up?”   
“Just do it natural, maybe? The concept is supposed to be, like, soft? But not too much or too feminine.”   
“Well, that’s too bad. I think you would look very handsome in some strong make up,” Byeongkwan had to comment before pulling out all the stuff he would need. He was kind of expecting the request of looking natural and since he knew Sehyoon’s face rather well, from pictures, he already knew what look he was going for.   
“You think so? I don’t know, I don’t think my fans are ready for black eyeliner quite yet,” he laughed, biting his lip when the younger man bent over to grab something from his bag. The view he got for just a second there was a view he could definitely get used to.   
“I think we are. And men in dark make up are very, very sexy,” Kwan pointed out, quickly shaking his head when he realized what he said. “I mean, I heard. From other fans— _your_ fans.”   
“Really?” Sehyoon held back a chuckle, he felt very flattered to have that man as his fan, but he didn’t want to make him uncomfortable so he decided not to comment on it too much. “I think your make up is very pretty.”   
“Thank you,” the younger one blushed again, taking a brush when he finished mixing the right shade of foundation. “So, you never wore makeup?”  
“Not really. I try to take care of my skin, but I really don’t know anything about this stuff. I just know that it looks pretty,” Sehyoon laughed, looking at Kwan. He just met him, but he thought the boy had the most beautiful eyes he’s ever seen. The shape was just stunning and the brown color looked even better with the little sparkles in the boy’s eyes. His stomach hurt from how nervous he was, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to be this close to Byeongkwan’s face without grabbing it and kissing him.   
“Your skin is very nice. Smooth, soft…,” the pink boy nodded, he didn’t have male clients with such a nice skin very often.   
“I try. Anyway, how did you decide to be a makeup artist?”   
“Um… I always liked looking pretty and I used to do my sister’s makeup since we were kids, so I just-“   
“Hey!” a loud noise interrupted as Donghun arrived to greet the new person on the set. “I see you started already, good! Are we clear on the concept here?”   
“Yes, Mr Lee. Sehyoon explained everything to me,” Byeongkwan nodded and Donghun grinned at the fact he used Sehyoon’s name. He knew the two would get along.   
“Oh, did you now, _Sehyoon_?” he asked, emphasizing on the name.   
“I sure did, _Mr Lee_.”   
“Good. I will leave you two alone then, just don’t take too long,” and he left with that.   
“We should hurry up, I guess you’re on a tight schedule,” Byeongkwan said finishing the foundation, taking his palette to choose the best shades for Sehyoon’s skin tone. “Do you want something warmer or colder? I’d do redish brown colors for you. I think that will look beautiful with your eye color.”   
“Like you have?”   
“Oh, no,” Kwan laughed softly, shaking his head. “Little darker and less pink, my look is rather feminine and you said you don’t like that.”   
“I like it on you, but maybe not for me,” Sehyoon smiled, it took all in him to finally compliment the other boy and he wasn’t sure he did it very well, but he just couldn’t do much more in his situation. 

  
The whole thing took around an hour and during that hour, all Sehyoon was focusing on was Byeongkwan’s face. When it was all done, he thought he could draw every little detail of the boy’s face perfectly accurate. And he might try, once he gets to the privacy of his home.  
“We are done,” Byeongkwan smiled, finishing with some setting spray and handing Sehyoon a mirror.   
“It's nice, good job,” Sehyoon praised the other one, looking at himself. The makeup looked really nice with his blonde hair, and the tint Byeongkwan chose for his lips was definitely beautiful. So beautiful that Sehyoon wondered how Kwan’s lips would look if he was to kiss him and get the color on them.   
“I put on a little shimmer on your eyes, I hope that’s okay.”   
“It’s perfect, really. I think Donghun will like it too.”   
“I’m glad,” the pink one sighed with a relief, he was hoping the shimmer wouldn’t be too much. Honestly, he was just doing Sehyoon’s make up as he wanted to and when he realized he might be doing too much, it was too late to go back and do something more subtle.   
“I should go change my clothes now, but you’re welcome to stay. I might need a touch up every now and then,” Sehyoon suggested, he really just didn’t want him to leave yet. Just looking at Byeongkwan made him feel warm inside and after the conversation they’ve been having for the past hour, he just wanted more. He wanted what he knew he couldn’t get, but he could settle for at least a friendship. From what he learned so far, Byeongkwan was a very interesting person, and Sehyoon liked interesting people.   
“I will stay, Mr Lee is paying me for the whole day so…,” Byeongkwan laughed and Sehyoon did the same, nodding before disappearing to get to his wardrobe. He felt like his head was spinning, and that usually didn’t happen with someone he’s just met. 

  
“So how do you like him?” Donghun asked, walking in to the changing room.   
“Huh?”   
“The makeup boy. I asked around and I’m pretty sure he’s gay.”   
“So?” Sehyoon rolled his eyes, turning around to face the older one. Donghun was always trying to get Sehyoon laid and he honestly didn’t mind it every now and then, it was easier for him to just have a boy picked knowing he’d keep quiet about Sehyoon’s sexuality rather than finding someone himself with the possibility of something getting out. But he definitely wasn’t interested in a one night stand with Byeongkwan, he was too intrigued to just waste the opportunity to get to know him for a quick fuck.   
“So, I thought you might want to enjoy him. It’s been months since you’ve had some proper fun,” Donghun grinned, having Sehyoon’s best interests in mind. He knew how hard it all was for him and he just wanted his friend to let some steam out before he’d have to go out to the public and be the rapper King Wow who "loves sexy women" again.   
“I don’t think so. But thank you, I appreciate it.”   
“Oh no, did I choose wrong? Is he not your type?”   
“The exact opposite, actually. He’s too much my type,” Sehyoon admitted. Everything he knew, and saw, about the boy, he liked. And he wanted to know more, he wanted to know everything.   
“You can’t date anyone, Sehyoon…”   
“I know. Really, I know. I just… I don’t know, I think he’s… I can’t date, I know,” he sighed, changing his shirt before looking back at Donghun. “Let me just look at him for a little bit longer today, okay?”   
“Okay… Sure.” 

**Day 2**

The whole shooting took many hours and when it was finally finished, it was shortly after 3 in the morning. Sehyoon was very nicely surprised by Byeongkwan staying the whole time, even though he didn’t really have to – most of Sehyoon’s close shots were finished before midnight and he didn’t need touch ups for the other stuff.  
„So…,“ Byeongkwan was the first one to come up to the older one who was sitting at the edge of one part of the sets, when people started packing up. He didn’t want to just leave, especially since they had some conversations that Byeongkwan really enjoyed and he was hoping there might be more of them. Seeing Sehyoon work, being on set and being really focused was… hot. And so Byeongkwan decided to just try something.  
„Oh, you’re still here?“ Sehyoon smiled, he was tired and he knew Byeongkwan must’ve been too, so he was even more thankful. Putting aside how much he enjoyed just staring at Byeongkwan at every break he took during the day.  
„Yeah, I finished packing my things so if you don’t need anything more from me, I will go. I already told Mr Lee, but I wanted to say bye,“ the younger one nodded, still with a smile, and he was hoping for any kind of signal from the other guy that he wanted to perhaps continue their conversations elsewhere. He didn’t think Sehyoon was into guys before that day, but after meeting him, and after talking to him for quite some time, he thought that he actually might have a slight chance of something nice happening between them two. If Sehyoon would be interested, of course.  
„That’s so nice of you. I really appreciate your help today, hopefully all the shots will come out nicely so people will see your work as well,“ Sehyoon nodded, getting up from his seat. He could see in Byeongkwan’s expression that the boy was waiting for something, and he knew it was something he could never give him. Which made him sadder than he usually was about these types of things, there was just something about the pink haired guy that he wanted to explore, and his heart was breaking because he knew he couldn’t.  
„No problem, I’m glad you liked it,“ Byeongkwan bit his lip, and he waited for a little more before he decided to go for it himself, he simply didn’t want to waste the only opportunity he might’ve gotten to ask someone like King Wow out. „So, I don’t know if you’d be intersted, but I know this really cute coffee place and I was wondering-“  
„Here you are!“ Donghun interrupted, again, and he simply had to. He overheard their conversation and he was pretty sure where Byeongkwan was going. They couldn’t exactly afford Sehyoon falling in love with some guy at that point of his career and even though he was Sehyoon’s friend, he was his manager as well and that career was very important for the both of them. „I’m sorry, Byeongkwan, but we really need to go. We’re working with a schedule here and mr Wow needs to rest. Thank you again for your hard work!“  
„I… I’m sorry, it was really nice meeting you,“ Sehyoon smiled, even if sadly, and he quickly followed his friend away from the set. He knew he most likely couldn’t say yes to Byeongkwan’s offer even if he ended up finishing asking it, but he still felt sad about it. When something like that happened (and it wasn’t happening often at all), he sometimes regretted choosing the career path of a rapper. There were certain expectations he had to meet with that and it was hard to close off to love and relationships just because people would not understand nor accept it.

„You know I had to do that, right?“ Donghun asked when they were in the car, and Sehyoon just nodded in response. „I want you to be happy, bro, but this is just… it’s too risky. I’m so sorry.“  
„It’s fine, Donghun. I signed up for this years ago, it’s not like it’s something new,“ Sehyoon shrugged, looking at his phone, just browsing his tag on Instagram. He quite enjoyed interacting with his fans when he had the time to do so.  
„You know, it’s fine if you wanna fuck him, but I can’t let you get close to him. You understand that, right? It would hurt both of you, and it would ruin your career if it somehow got out. And I hate that I have to be saying this to you, I wish things were different.“  
„I know. We talked about this before, you don’t need to explain anything. I don’t even know him, it’s fine.“

 


	2. 2.

**Day 5**

„Donghun?“ Sehyoon looked up from his phone, looking at his best friend. He’s been trying to find Byeongkwan’s social medias for hours now and he just didn’t know where else to look. He couldn’t stop thinking about the guy and he just wanted to see his face again. On pictures, of course.  
„Yes?“  
„That… um, that makeup guy… do you have his instagram?“  
„Huh? Why are you asking that?“ Donghun raised his eyebrow, looking at the other man. He was little surprised, Sehyoon met so many cute guys and he barely ever thought twice about them.  
„I can have friends, right? I’m not… I’m not an idiot, Donghun, you can trust me. I know my job, okay? I had really nice conversations with him, I just… Can I talk to him? Please, just give me the instagram,“ Sehyoon sighed, he really didn’t want to beg Donghun to be allowed to have guy friends, and he knew Donghun was trying to protect him from getting hurt, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the pink guy so he thought he’d rather have him as a friend than not at all.  
„If you fall for him, Sehyoon-„  
„I won’t. Seriously, I won’t.“  
„Okay,“ Donghun shook his head, giving him his phone with the makeup boy’s instagram displayed. He couldn’t be too hard on Sehyoon, no matter how much he knew what his job as a manager was, he still was his friend too and he couldn’t say no to him forever.  
„Thank you,“ Sehyoon grinned, quickly finding the account and requesting a follow – since the account was locked. Which explained why Sehyoon couldn’t find it, Byeongkwan’s name wasn’t there at all. „Is this his private instagram?“  
„Well, yeah. I guess you don’t want to follow the makeup account where he could miss you started following him, right?“ the older man patted Sehyoon’s head playfully, walking over to the fridge to get some beer. They’ve been stuck in that one hotel room for the whole day, since Sehyoon was doing some interviews about his upcoming comeback, and they had like an hour off so he thought why not get a beer before some more boring, stuck up journalists would come and pretend they care or know anything about rap.  
„He’s really cute tho, isn’t he? Like, you understand me, right? He’s so fucking cute, Donghun,“ the blonde one whined a little, refreshing his instagram waiting for his request to be accepted. He couldn’t wait to see all the pictures, he was sure Byeongkwan’s selfies were the best thing ever.  
„He is cute,“ Donghun laughed, nodding along. „His booty is really nice as well,“ he added, handing Sehyoon a beer as well. He knew Sehyoon’s type quite well after all the years they’ve spent together, and it was him who chose Byeongkwan exactly for that reason too.  
„I know! Fuck, when he bended over… I swear to god, I was about to throw away my career for that ass real quick,“ he laughed, welcoming the beer and opening it right away. He liked Donghun more when he was his friend, so they could talk about all of Sehyoon’s frustrations, rather than just a manager who cared more about the profit Sehyoon was able to bring. Which was important, of course, but he needed his friend every now and then.  
„Boy, if you’ve done that…,“ Donghun laughed, slapping Sehyoon’s shoulder. „Do you remember when you almost got caught being sucked off by that idol boy? Fuck, that would’ve been a headline for sure.“  
„Don’t remind me about him, he was so bad at everything _but_ sucking me off,“ Sehyoon rolled his eyes, just thinking about it made him cringe. „You’d think a boy with his butt would be more skilled in bed.“  
„Yo, that’s exactly why I chose him for you! Who knows, maybe it’s better you won’t sleep with the makeup guy, since his booty is really nice too so he might be really bad,“ he wondered, finishing his beer and walking over to get a new one right away. If there was anything Donghun was good at, it was definitely drinking beer. A lot of it. And quickly, too.  
„I’m sure Byeongkwan is great at- oh! He accepted my request. Do you think he knows it’s me- shit, he follows me already! Fuck, he’s so cute,“ Sehyoon was mumbling more for himself than Donghun at that point and he was going through the whole account, whining at every new picture he saw. „Oh my god, look at this,“ he showed his phone to Donghun with a picture of his own face on the younger boy’s feed, a picture that Byeongkwan obviously took a tone of his concerts and he suddenly hated himself for missing Byeongkwan’s face in the crowd.  
„Did—did he really write _looking good, daddy_ as a caption? Jesus fucking Christ, he’s hella thirsty for you,“ Hun chuckled loudly, shaking his head at how excited his friend was. He was already regretting inviting Byeongkwan to work for them in the first place. He really didn’t want his friend to get hurt. Or worse, get outed. „You really shouldn’t be his friend.“  
„Fuck. I hate my life, this is so unfair,“ Sehyoon frowned, going through all the other pictures.  
„I told you not to do this to yourself, my man. Now you have to suffer.“  
Sehyoon was about to answer when he saw he got a message. A message from Byeongkwan, and he felt his stomach turn, quickly scrolling through his DMs to find the one from Byeongkwan.  
_„hello! how did you find me? :)“_ was all the message said and Sehyoon was debating for a bit if he should answer, but ultimately the decision was made for him when another set of journalists was lead to their room. He put his phone aside and went back to his celebrity duties.

**Day 9**

It’s been couple days since Sehyoon started following his crush, and even though he was looking at the message he got from him at least twelve times a day, he still didn’t asnwer it. He started typing an answer many times but never hit the send button. He didn’t know what he’d say, so he was just looking at his pictures every day and hoped he’d post a new one quickly. And on that day, his wish was granted. What he didn’t expect was what kind of picture he’d get. Or worse, what caption. It was a selfie Byeongkwan took in some fancy-looking bathroom, he had on tight black jeans and the cutest, red croptop with three huge letters written on it – W O W. And all the caption said was _„when he leaves your on read“_ which made Sehyoon sweat for some reason. Was that intended for him? Was Byeongkwan trying to get to him? Did he know Sehyoon was browsing his instagram every day? He didn’t even blink before liking the picture and shortly after that he got another DM from Byeongkwan.

  
_„do you like my shirt?“_ was the message he recieved and he was just about ready to go jump out of the closest window. He wasn’t sure if Byeongkwan was trying to flirt with him, or if he was just being friendly, but either way, Sehyoon’s mind was running all over the place.  
_„it’s cute“_ he finally decided to answer. Not like Byeongkwan needed a comformation, he obviously knew how cute he was.  
_„how did you find me?“  
__„i asked donghun for your insta“  
__„did you?:) i’m glad.  
btw when is the mv coming out? I can’t wait to see it, I really loved the song.“  
__„thank you, i worked really hard on it. i never did anything like this so i hope my fans will like it too…  
and it should be out in about two weeks“  
__„i’m a fan and i like it so i think it will be recieved well“  
__„you are? thank you“  
__„you’re very welcome, mr wow ;)“_

Sehyoon was just staring at the DMs for a bit, before closing his instagram and letting out a loud sigh. In the ideal world, he would just go ahead and ask Byeongkwan out, or let him do it as he was trying to during the shot, but the world wasn’t always an ideal place and Sehyoon knew he had to keep his distance. No matter how difficult it might seem, it was still easier than dealing with coming out. Or dating in secret. Or falling in love with a guy that wouldn’t feel the same in the end. He was simply too worried in every aspect to do anything at all, so he decided to drown in self pity and he quickly took his notebook – his best lyrics were usually written in pure desperation, and that was exactly what he was feeling at that moment, looking at his wallpaper that was still a picture of the pink haired boy.

+

Byeongkwan, on the other side of the city, was just staring at his DM that showed that the older man read it, and he felt even more confused again. He got excited when Sehyoon finally answered his messages and he was hoping they finally might have some, _any_ kind of conversation, but the rapper was… difficult. Hot one second and cold the other, and Byeongkwan got that within the first 10 minutes when they met, it was all only being confirmed by that lame excuse for a conversation.  
„He left me on read again,“ Byeongkwan sighed, looking at his friend. He was in a coffee shop with his best friend and he had to complain to somebody. He’s been talking about the rapper for the past couple of days, he couldn’t get him out of his head, and he wished there was something more he could do than just lame DMs.  
„Byeongkwan, just give up. He’s straight, you’re wasting your time,“ Junhee shook his head, stiring his coffee. He wanted his friend to be happy but he was pretty sure that happiness didn’t lie with the straight rapper.  
„But he was checking me out. And he liked the picture I posted for him. And-and maybe he’s just pretending to be straight because of his career and his fans, right? You never know. Should I say something else? Was the winky face too much?“  
„Oh my god, you’re a lost case. Do you want to get your heart broken again? You know how straight boys are, don’t you? They see you looking girly and feminine and they think hm maybe I’d fuck that, and you are the one who ends up sad and alone. Please, just don’t. Don’t fall for him.“

Byeongkwan didn’t reply to that, but he knew his friend was right. He’s dealed with too many straight men before and he didn’t need another one, but still… there was something about the rapper that he wanted to explore and he wasn’t convinced that he was straight. Or at least not completely – he probably did like women, considering all the lap dances and making out that happened in one of the rapper’s music videos. That didn’t mean that Byeongkwan didn’t have a chance though. Right?


	3. 3.

**Day 13**

More days went by, and Sehyoon really thought that by that point he would just be over the makeup boy, but even then, even in the middle of the mess of preparing for his comeback, all that was on his mind was Byeongkwan. He felt like he was going insane, there really wasn’t a reason for him to think about him that much, and he knew he could just talk to him if he wanted to – he was pretty sure Kwan would answer his DMs, but he just didn’t know how. And he felt more and more desperate to see him again.

He was sitting in Donghun office, listening to his friend listing the plan for the upcoming week, and his eyes lit up when he heard Donghun say that there’s going to be a photoshoot for an online magazine that wanted to write about his comeback.

„So,“ he interrupted, just so that Donghun wouldn’t move to another topic just yet.  
„Yes?“  
„I have a tiny request,“ he grinned, showing with his fingers how tiny it was, and he could already see on Donghun’s face that the older man wasn’t happy about what was about to come. He knew Sehyoon too well, so he had an idea of what that request might be.  
„The request being...?“  
„Could you hire Kwan to do my makeup?“ he asked, and he put his hand up when he saw Donghun was about to give him a negative answer. „Just listen to me, okay? Because this totally makes sense. Look, it’s a shoot that is to promote my new single, right? Therefore I should look like I looked in the video. And who else to achieve that look better than the person who did it originally? I’m basically just asking that because I want my look to be, uh, consistent,“ he said quickly, knowing both him and his friend knew he was full of shit and he just wanted to see the pink haired boy, but he still felt like he came up with good enough reason to get Donghun to agree.  
„Sehyoon, what are you doing?“ the older one sighed loudly, looking at his friend. He knew him too well to look pass this as if it wasn’t important, because he’s never seen him act like this because of a boy. Let alone a boy he barely knew.  
„What am I doing? I’m not doing anything. I’m just saying that for my concept-“ he stopped himself, seeing Donghun roll his eyes, and he leaned back into the chair, shrugging. „Okay. So maybe I wanna see him again. Is that so bad? It’s a work enviroment, so it’s not like... I just want to be his friend, Donghun.“  
„Why are you doing this to yourself? If you fall for him, you know exactly what will happen, right? And even worse, what he falls for you? What if he outs you? What if... there’s too many what if’s, Sehyoon. I don’t think I can let you do this.“  
„Why would he out me? I won’t tell him I’m gay. I just... I want to know him. Who knows, maybe I will find out he’s boring and horrible, and all will be cured. But I can’t... I don’t wanna... Donghun, fuck, will you really make me beg for this?“ Sehyoon whined, looking at his friend desperately. Just because Donghun had good intensions didn’t mean he was right. And Sehyoon was already invested in the makeup boy anyway, so he’d find his way to him nonetheless.  
„This is so fucking dangerous, bro. I don’t know...“  
„Don’t you trust me? I won’t do anything. I won’t even look at him too much, I promise.“  
„Fine. Whatever, Sehyoon. If you fall in love, we are both fucked.“

Sehyoon just grinned in response, and he felt satisfied. He wouldn’t fall in love, why would he? He just wanted to be friends, he didn’t have any friends besides Donghun and couple singers from the company, and he wanted to have a good friend. He wanted to be as close to Byeongkwan as he could, without actually doing anything physical. He could do it. He was strong, he was totally fine.

**Day 16**

 „Hey,“ Sehyoon smiled widely, being the first one to greet when he saw the pink haired boy approaching him. He was already screaming inside – Byeongkwan looked even better than last time, he had a pair of black, way too short, shorts and that damn, red croptop with WOW written on it. And Sehyoon knew he did it on purpose.  
„Hello, good morning,“ Byeongkwan returned the smile, dragging his bags to the makeup station. He was very nervous about coming and seeing Sehyoon again, especially after that short, lame conversation he attempted to have with him through DMs, but he decided he would just do his job as good as he could. He wasn’t one to waste his energy and effort on someone who wasn’t interested, and Sehyoon obviously wasn’t. Perhaps he guessed wrong when he thought Sehyoon might be into guys.  
„I really like that shirt,“ Sehyoon had to comment on it, and he’d take it off that boy real quick if he could, but he just took a deep breath and sat down with his coffee instead. It was really early, and he wasn’t exactly a morning person. Which is why he looked really bad, and he thought it was unfair that Byeongkwan came looking all pretty and glamorous that early. He had his eye makeup stronger than last time, darker, but still super pretty. Sehyoon apparently liked every possible look on him and he wondered how cute he must’ve looked with no makeup at all.  
„Thank you! I thought I should look the part, since I’m here for _King Wow_ , right?“ Byeongkwan laughed softly, preparing all his things. „I was thinking if it’d be okay to take a picture with you later? I wanted to post about doing your makeup. After it’s all released of course, no spoilers.“  
„Sure. I’ll have to ask Donghun, but it should be fine,“ the rapper nodded, keeping his eyes everywhere but on Byeongkwan. He didn’t want to stare at him, he knew he’d have to eventually once his make up would be being done, but he wasn’t quite ready. „Do you want some coffee? Or something to eat? We have some stuff over there,“ he said, pointing at the table the people had prepared for him and his staff. Which meant it was for Byeongkwan as well.  
„Oh, sure. I could use some coffee. Can I just go get it or?“ he nodded, a coffee didn’t sound bad at all. He already had one when he woke up, but he was still super tired. It wasn’t his best idea to go party the night before he had such an important job, and he had to wake up early enough to make himself look good. He didn’t want Sehyoon to see him all ratchet.  
„Yeah, it’s fine,“ Sehyoon nodded and he was staring as Byeongkwan went over to the table, whining a little when the younger one reached for a cup and his already short croptop raised even more, to expose the porcelain skin on his lower back. The day just started and Sehyoon already felt exhausted, maybe he really should’ve told Donghun to just get some other makeup artist.  
„I’m back,“ Byeongkwan smiled with a cup in his hand, and he was pretty aware of how much Sehyoon was staring the whole time he was away, which made him only even more confused about the rapper. He really didn’t seem to be interested at all, when Byeongkwan tried to spark something up talking to him, but he looked very, very thirsty when he was scanning Byeongkwan’s whole body – and very visibly too. If he was trying to be lowkey and discrete, he wasn’t doing very good job at it.  
„Good. So, do you wanna just, like, start right away or?“  
„Hmm,“ Byeongkwan moved closer, putting away his coffee to run his fingers softly against Sehyoon’s face, and it sent shivers down Sehyoon’s spine – he quickly moved away from the soft touch of the younger man.  
„W-What are you doing?“ he laughed nervously, looking around to make sure nobody saw that. Which, people obviously did and nobody cared. It wasn’t a weird thing that a makeup artist would be touching his face, but he was paranoid. For some reason. What if other people could tell how interested he was? What if he wasn’t careful enough?  
„Oh, sorry! I just, your skin is very dry, I was checking that. We will put on a mask first, okay? Just to moisturize it a little bit, before we move on on the makeup,“ Byeongkwan explained and he was taken aback by the reaction he got from Sehyoon.  
„Okay. Sorry, you surprised me a little,“ Sehyoon grinned, scratching his head. Okay, his reaction was definitely a little too much. He tried to calm down but, obviously, it wasn’t working.  
„Yeah, no, I get that. I’m the makeup guy, I shouldn’t be touching your face…,“ Byeongkwan joked and he was glad to gain a chuckle from the older one. His jokes weren’t always received well.  
„I’m just… it’s too early, you gotta be slow with me,“ Sehyoon laughed, he was trying to get comfortable and Kwan’s smile was really helping him with it. The boy just radiated positive energy, he was… wonderful.  
„Okay, Mr Wow. I will put on a mask now, is that okay? Would you be fine with me touching your face?“ Byeongkwan grinned and Sehyoon just rolled his eyes, which he took as a yes and he carefully placed the mask on the older’s face. After cliping away his hair first, of course. „So, what made you go blonde? I really liked your black hair.“  
„Do I look bad with the blonde?“  
„No! Not at all, you are very gorgeous—you look great, you look… really good,“ Kwan mumbled, turning around to hide his blushing face. He didn’t want to make Sehyoon uncomfortable, but he couldn’t exactly make himself not be attracted to the rapper. He was a good looking man.  
„Thank you,“ Sehyoon chuckled and his stomach hurt, yet again. „Well, the… my company decided I should try a happy song for a change, and they thought I should get blonde hair for it. To look softer, I guess? I don’t really know. I just thought it might be fun to try something new.“  
„Yeah, I noticed that the lyrics are, well, very different from what you usually write,“ Kwan nodded, turning around and leaning against the little table, his hand resting against his hip and he was just looking at Sehyoon’s face. He really liked his face. Obviously, who wouldn’t?  
„You know a lot of my songs?“ Sehyoon asked, he decided to go more into Kwan being a fan since he started the conversation himself and he seemed less shy about it than he did last time they met.  
„All of them,“ the pink boy admitted with a smile. Since he decided Sehyoon is probably not into men, therefore there was no chance of anything actually hapening, he felt a little more relaxed. Still nervous, but it was bearable.  
„Yeah, I…,“ Sehyoon cleared his throat, looking at Kwan for a bit, not sure if he should make the comment, but he couldn’t stop himself. „I saw that, um, you were at my show? I saw a picture you took, on your instagram?“ he grinned, the caption where Kwan called him daddy was still haunting him and he wished he could hear him say that out loud, just once.  
„Did you?“ he laughed nervously, biting his lip and looking down. He couldn’t look Sehyoon in the face face, thinking back at the caption he put under that picture. He posted it right after the concert ended, and he was just feeling the rapper a little too much, probably. And he didn’t even think to delete the caption before accepting Sehyoon’s follow request. „I quite enjoyed the show,“ he decided to say, hoping it was the least embarassing he could do.  
„Obviously,“ Sehyoon chuckled, he had to clinch his hand not to reach and touch the younger boy – because for some reason he really wanted to. He was stading in front of him, looking like the most delicious snack ever, and Sehyoon’s blood was boiling. He was so attracted to everything the man embodied, it was driving him insane.  
„You know, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to be disrespectful or anything. I was just very into…,“ Kwan’s brain was raicing trying to think of something normal to say, but there was literally nothing he could say to save his ass, so he gave up. „You’re really hot when you’re on stage. Like, you’re always really hot, but you’re extra sexy when you perform.“  
„Oh? Thank you, I guess?“ Sehyoon replied, shaking his leg nervously. This wasn’t good, this whole conversation was really, really not good. He had a feeling Kwan might be into him a little bit, but having it comfirmed and knowing it for sure was even worse. „It’s really flattering, but I’m not… you know, I’m not into _that_ ,“ he said, lying through his teeth. He wasn’t sure the boy would even believe such a bad lie, but he had to say it. To be safe. Or, to try to be.  
„I know! Of course, that’s… I didn’t mean to…,“ Byeongwkan laughed nervously, shaking his head. „I’m not trying to hit on you, I promise.“  
„Okay,“ Sehyoon nodded, he wasn’t sure how else to respond.  
„I think we can take this off and work on the makeup now,“ Kwan decided to just move on from that akward thing really quickly, taking the mask away and gently massaging Sehyoon’s face, just to make sure it’s all properly moist, before turning around to mix the foundation, giving the rapper an opportunity to whine quietly. Sehyoon suddenly felt like this whole thing wasn’t the best idea.  
„We can be friends, tho?“ Sehyoon decided to ask, he really didn’t want to feel this awkward and if they decided to be friends, or rather if they became friends, it might get better. And Sehyoon could still enjoy the beauty of the younger one.  
„Well, if you’d start replying to me…,“ Byeongkwan turned around, just to stick his tongue out and Sehyoon felt that all the way down in his pants. Not only was the pink haired guy super pretty, he was also the sexiest little thing and Sehyoon was suffering.  
„Yeah, um… my DMs are pretty floded, but if you give me your number I could text you?“  
„That sounds great.“


	4. 4.

**Day 24**

When Sehyoon finally got the boy’s number, nothing stood in the way and he started talking to him more. It started with couple messages a day, Byeongkwan was interested in Sehyoon’s schedule since he never really met a celebrity and Sehyoon was more than happy to answer all his questions. One night, when Sehyoon got home, he was too lazy to write so he called the other boy, and from then on they had a phonecall every single night. It was sometimes very late, but even if he called at 3 in the morning, Byeongkwan answered. It became a source of calm for both of them, even if they talked about nothing in particular.  
Sehyoon got home late that night, again, and he was so exhausted he barely stood for long enough to take a shower and when he finally collapsed on his bed, he wasn’t even sure if Byeongkwan was still awake. He usually was, but he wasn’t answering for couple hours so maybe he fell asleep. Sehyoon knew he had a lot of work on his hands as well, and he didn’t want to bother him, so he decided to send him one more text.

_„hey, i just got home so call me if you up ;)“_

He got no reply, again, and he started falling asleep when his phone rang, and no matter how exhausted he was, he would always answer that name. He grabbed a pillow to put it under his head and answered.

„Hi,“ Kwan spoke up first, his voice was rough and Sehyoon was pretty sure he just woke up, which made him smile lovingly. He was so thankful that the younger man would always make time for him. That’s what friends are for, right?  
„I woke you, didn’t I?“  
„Mhm,“ Kwan just murmured in response, still too sleepy to use his brain fully. „How was your day?“  
„Awful. Long. Full of stupid people,“ _and not enough of you_ , Sehyoon thought to himself. They didn’t really see each other ever since that photoshoot, and Sehyoon missed seeing Byeongkwan’s smile, but with his packed schedule and Donghun looking over his shoulder all the time, he didn’t really have the opportunity to meet up. And maybe it was for the better, he was hoping he couldn’t get too attached just over the phone.  
„Oh no, my poor Sehyoonnie,“ Byeongkwan chuckled, turning on his bed to find a comfortable position, he knew their calls usually lasted for... well, a while.  
„What about you? Another satisfied costumer?“  
„Yeah. I was at the wedding today, so it was... tiring. There was like a billion bridesmates. I fell asleep as soon as I got home.“  
„Do you want to sleep? We can talk tomorrow...“  
„No, no. Tell me more, tell me about your day.“  
„I finally saw the final version of my single. Like, the cd and all that jazz. It’s pretty, and your name is on the credits. Are you feeling famous yet?“ he smiled, and his heart hurt when he heard the younger one giggle. He loved hearing Byeongkwan laugh.  
„It’s starting to get to me,“ Byeongkwan joked, knowing full well nobody would be reading the credits, but it was still nice that Sehyoon would mention it. And he was excited to have his name on an actual CD booklet. „I hope I will be the first one to have a signed copy?“  
„Of course, my number one fan.“  
„That I am,“ Byeongkwan laughed again, yawning into the phone. „You know, it would be easier to talk if we just met up sometimes.“ He knew how ridiculous Sehyoon’s schedule was, but he still wanted to see him. He wasn’t getting his hopes up, Sehyoon repeated to him multiple times that he was straight in the past couple of days, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t be friends. Talking to Sehyoon became Byeongkwan’s favorite part of the day rather quickly.  
„I know,“ Sehyoon whined, he wished it’d be that easy. „I should have one free day before the release, but I gotta ask Donghun. I will let you know tomorrow, sounds good?“  
„Sounds perfect.“  
„Did you have time to talk to your mom?“  
„Not yet,“ Kwan sighed, impressed that Sehyoon always remembered everything he’s told him. No matter how small it was. „I texted her, though. I think she might be coming to the city later this week, so I will talk to her then.“  
„You know, it’s much better to get these things over with quickly. The sooner she knows, the more time she’ll have to prepare for it. Right?“  
„I guess. But I never spend Christmas away from my family, and I know how upset she will be. Do you wanna bet she’ll find a way to blame it on my _gayness_?“  
„That sucks,“ Sehyoon replied, but still chuckled. They spoke so much in the last week that Sehyoon knew when it’d be okay for him to laugh and when Kwan needed him to be serious. „How did you... how did you even tell her? That, you know... about you?“  
„I didn’t tell you yet? Well, strap in, sir,“ he laughed softly, „I didn’t actually tell her. I had a diary when I was younger, and I would always write about my crushes and all that, and when I was 15 and had my first boyfriend, I wrote every little detail about our first kiss and first... all the other gay stuff. Well, lord behold, my mum found the diary and went throught it. So when I came home from school, we had like two hours long conversation about safe sex, and about the promiscuity within my community and how I should be careful because sleeping around won’t make me happy. And she gave me like a billion condoms, even though I was still a virgin back then,“ he finished, stil giggling. He actually had fond memories about his forced coming out, his mom was very loving. Sehyoon wanted to cry, he felt so happy for the other man but the pain he felt from his family basically disowning him was suddenly even deeper. He always thought he came to terms with it, but maybe he didn’t.  
„That’s really nice, Byeongkwan. I wish I—my friend, uh, once told me about his experience and it was.. not a good one,“ Sehyoon mumbled, he wasn’t sure how to answer, and he was hoping Kwan couldn’t hear the hurt in his voice.  
„I know... Are you okay, Sehyoon?“ Byeongkwan asked, maybe he was just too tired but something sounded a little off.  
„Yeah, I just think it’s really fucked up when parents treat their children bad because of something they can’t change, you know? It’s not like you chose to be gay, and my friend didn’t either. He didn’t deserve... yeah,“ Sehyoon sighed, he couldn’t go into too much detail and he hated it, because he felt like Kwan would understand him and listen to him, but he simply couldn’t open up and he knew it.  
„It’s horrible. I have a lot friends and when I sometimes hear what their parents say, when they’re the ones who should love them unconditionally... it’s so sad. I really lucked out with my parents, they never judged me. And you lucked out with being straight,“ he chuckled, trying to make the atmosphere a little happier. He was surprised that Sehyoon would be so affected by something happening to his friend, but it was very nice.  
„I guess,“ Sehyoon rolled his eyes at himself, he hated lying. Yet it was a huge part of his every day life, just lying to everybody about what he was, and it made him feel awful. He should be able to support his community, to be able to voice his opinions and be open about who he loved, but he simply couldn’t do that. „You’re really brave, you know? For being so open. And proud about who you are. I think that’s really admirable.“  
„Mhm, you do? Thank you,“ he chuckled, barely keeping his eyes open. „You’re brave too, Sehyoon. In your own way,“ he added, talking half out of sleep, and he couldn’t stop himself from slowly drifting away.  
„Byeongkwan?“ Sehyoon spoke up softly after a moment of silence, and he got just a mumble in response, which after couple more minutes turned into soft breathing – Kwan fell asleep. And Sehyoon whined again, wanting nothing more than to go to him and hold him close. He was sure that would make his sleep much better, and he decided to keep the call going, as he cuddled to his blanket and feel asleep to the sounds of Byeongkwan’s calm breathing.

**Day 25**

Sehyoon was sitting in a conference room, with the CEO of his company, Donghun, and couple more people, talking about his comeback – everything was basically finalizied so the CEO wanted to chip in and decide on something too. Sehyoon never liked those kinds of meetings, but he had to power through them. He was zoning out, barely listening to the others talk about what would be the best for him, when his phone buzzed and he quickly opened the message with a smile on his face. Seemed like Byeongkwan finally woke up.

 _„so I fell asleep on the phone? I’m so sorry hh,“_ was all the message said and Sehyoon was still thinking about falling asleep to the sound of Byeongkwan’s breething. Something about it was just... amazing. Calming. Simply wonderful, he wished he could do that every night.  
_„yeah lol but it’s okay, I know you were tired“_  
_„did you ask about the free day, yet? we should go get a coffee or something :)“_  
 _„not yet, I’m in a meeting so I will ask hun once we’re done k?“_  
 _„okay! I will sleep some more hh so text me when you know :)“_  
Sehyoon was just smiling at his phone screen, when he heard his name called couple times, quickly looking up and looking at Donghun first and then at the CEO – who was trying to talk to him.

„Sorry?“ he scratched his head, having no idea whatsoever what the conversation was about.  
„Jesus fucking Christ,“ Donghun mumbled for himself, rolling his eyes at the rapper.  
„I said, would you be okay with doing that?“ the CEO repeated, the bare minimum, without even looking at the rapper and Sehyoon felt stressed. He looked at Donghun for clues and when he saw his manager nod, he did the same.  
„Sure, why not,“ he answered and he was praying he didn’t agree to some bullshit.  
„Great. This meeting is over then, you talk over the details with Wow,“ the CEO said to Donghun, before leaving the room with everyone else, except for the two, following him. When they were finally alone and the door closed, Sehyoon once again looked at his friend.  
„What did you make me agree to?“  
„You’re going to talk shows, my friend,“ Donghun grinned, knowing full well Sehyoon hated that stuff, but he deserved it. If he was listening, he could say his opinion about it.  
„The fuck I am, Donghun,“ Sehyoon shook his head, getting up from his seat.  
„Well, good luck trying to explain to your CEO that you don’t want to do it and that you agreed to it only because you weren’t listening to him at all.“  
„Why did you make me agree to it? I hate that shit Donghun, I don’t wanna do it.“  
„Why weren’t you listening?“ Donghun decided to ask, even though he had a feeling the answer would be that damn makeup guy,  
„I was just... looking at my phone,“ tha rapper shrugged, leaving the meeting room to walk over to Donghun’s office. Even through the close doors, somebody could still hear them and he knew he’d get scolded. Donghun followed him, finally talking again when they were in his office.  
„We all do shit we don’t wanna do, Sehyoon,“ he sighed, sitting behind his desk. „See, me for example, I’d rather be home, fucking Yuchan into our bed, but I have to sit here for 15 more hours trying to arrange everything for _your_ ungrateful ass.“  
„Yeah, I feel really sorry for you and your boyfriend. Wonder how that must be, _having one,“_ Sehyoon growled, feeling pissed for some reason. Not some reason – the reason was the fact that he’d have to go on stupid shows to lie some more to millions of people and all his fans watching. And Byeongkwan. The questions he got were always stupid and always the same, too.  
„Sehyoon, you signed up for this. I’m really sorry, but it’s not my fault you’re not allowed to date,“ Donghun shook his head, feeling for his friend but there wasn’t anything he could do. „All I’m trying to do is protect you.“  
„I didn’t sign up for stupid fucking shows. You know I hate this. I wanna make music, I wanna perform my songs, and I don’t need any fucking tv shows for that, now do I?“  
„It’s done, bro. You’ll have to deal with it. We’re starting next week, so I’d advise you to get to it quick.“ Donghun was just looking at his friend for a while, before be spoke up again. „Are you talking to the makeup guy?“  
„That’s none of your business...“  
„Sehyoon,“ Donghun sighed, he didn’t want Sehyoon to close off to him just because he was his manager. „I want to know about everything that’s happening with you.“  
„Why? So you can tell me I should be careful? So that I know you don’t agree with me talking to him? No thanks, I have enough of that in my own brain already.“ He knew Donghun didn’t do anything to purposely hurt him, but he’s gone for years without a relationship just to mantain an imagine that he hated, and he was tired of it. He craved love with every last cell of his being.  
„I want you to be happy, bro. I really do, but if you wanna do this, if you wanna get into it with the boy, you need to tell me. I have to know, so we can think of a plan to protect you. Both of you, Sehyoon. Can you imagine all the shit he would have to go through as well? It wouldn’t be just on you.“  
„I know!“ Sehyoon whined, rather loudly, hiding his face against his palms. He felt like crying, but he would never do that in front of... well, anyone. He hated crying in front of people, it made him feel weak. „I won’t do anything, okay? We’re friends. I’m straight, did you forget?“ he chuckled sadly, pressing his fingers against his eyes so nothing would come out. He was just so tired.  
Donghun got up from his seat, walking over to the older man and hugging him without saying anything else, trying to calm him down. They’ve been through a lot in the past 5 years and he knew how difficult it was for the younger man – or at least, he could imagine. Going that long without the possibility for having someone special in your life, Donghun himself probably couldn’t do it. Not without going insane.  
„I fucking hate this,“ the rapper mumbled, letting his friend hug him, trying his best to hide his sobs against the older’s suit.  
„It’s only gonna get worse. If you fall in love with him, it’s gonna be... difficult, Sehyoon,“ Donghun pulled away just enough to look at his friend, wiping away the lone tear on the rapper’s face. „But we can do it, we can manage to do it. Okay? I am here for you, only for you. Fuck the company, fuck your contract. If you fall in love with the boy, we will manage something. Okay? I promise.“  
„Okay,“ Sehyoon nodded, calming down a little. Knowing he had his friend’s support meant a lot, and he didn’t know what the future held for him, but it was reasuring to know that no matter what would happen, he wouldn’t have to go alone through all of it. He didn’t know if he would fall in love, or if they’d end up being just friends, but he knew that just the possibility was making him happy. He didn’t want to be alone anymore, and that was usually something he could live with, but ever since meeting that pink haired boy, he suddenly didn’t want to fight it any longer.  
„Good,“ Donghun smiled supportively, messing with Sehyoon’s hair before walking back to his seat. „So, you wanna tell him you’re into him?“  
„What? No, oh my god no,“ Sehyoon shook his head, finally sitting down. „I don’t even... Okay, I do know him a little bit, but... no. It’s too early, and I don’t... I don’t know what I want to do. But I want to meet up with him, would it be okay? I have no schedule on Thursday, right?“  
„Right,“ he nodded, looking at his calendar. „You are free to do whatever you want. Just don’t hump him in public, please,“ he laughed a little and he was happy to see the rapper do the same.


	5. 5.

**Day 27**

It was finally Thursday, which meant Sehyoon’s free day and the day he’d be meeting Byeongkwan, for the first time outside of work, for the first time as a friend. It was little after noon and he was sitting in his car parked across the street from a small coffee shop. In front of that coffee shop was standing a pink haired guy with headphones on, looking around, obviously waiting for someone. Waiting for Sehyoon. And yet, he still couldn’t make himself get out of the car. He couldn’t stop his brain from thinking all those scenarios that might happen, with the worst case being him falling in love, and he was so afraid. He wanted it more than nothing else for a long time, but the fear he felt was just as big as the desire to have someone he could give his love to.  
He was about to start the car and leave when he got a message.

_„hey, are you coming? did i get the place wrong?“_

And that message alone was enough for him to take a deep breath and turn the car, to park in front of the coffee shop. He couldn’t let Byeongkwan think he stood him up, that wasn’t who Sehyoon was, so he decided to just relax and try his best to act as a normal friend who is not at all falling for someone he barely knew. He took on a face mask, just to be sure people wouldn’t know it’s him, and he got out of the car, walking straight to the younger man.

„Hey,“ he greeted, not being sure if he should go for a hug or shake the younger’s hand or what the hell he should do, but Byeongkwan decided that for him.  
„Hello, Sehyoon,“ he smiled brightly, reaching his hand to rub Sehyoon’s arm, squeezing it just for a second before pulling away again. He also didn’t know how to greet someone like Sehyoon, so he though that might be the best option. „It’s nice to see you outside of work,“ he added, still smiling and Sehyoon felt his stomach turning. It seemed like whatever the younger one would do, it’d make Sehyoon feel things. Maybe it was too late to try and pull away by that point, maybe he already fell too deep to try and pull himself up from it.  
„Yeah, um, sorry for being late. I got... I overslept,“ he lied, finally going inside the coffee shop, holding the door open for Byeongkwan. He made sure they’d reserve the whole back room just for them, it wasn’t like Sehyoon was the biggest celebrity, but people still recognized him and he wanted to relax without the need to constantly look over his shoulder to make sure nobody was taking pictures.  
„No problem, I didn’t wait for long,“ Byeongkwan said, lying too – he was waiting there for at least 40 minutes, but he figured that since Sehyoon was a celebrity, he was bound to be late. He sat down, not commenting on having the whole room for themselves, and he took off his coat. It was getting really cold outside, the closer Christmas was.  
They both ordered some coffee and something to eat, since it was time for lunch, and Byeongkwan decided to finally speak properly once they had their drinks and food, knowing nobody would interup them for some time, and they talked about basically nothing for at least half an hour by that point.  
„So, do you have any plans for Christmas?“ he asked, starting with a simple question, but there was so much he wanted to know about the rapper he knew they’d eventually get to something more interesting.  
„Yes, actually,“ Sehyoon chuckled, scratching his head. „Donghun managed to get me on some stupid, uh, TV show? Where celebrities go to talk about... I don’t know, I still didn’t get the briefing on that,“ he shook his head, visibly uncomfortable with just the thought, but it was his job afterall. Or that was what Donghun was always telling him, at least.  
„Oh no, are you gonna be working too? Well, at least I’m not the only one,“ Kwan smiled, stiring up his coffee and looking at the older man. He finally had time to look at him properly without the need to do his makeup, and Sehyoon was just... he was really, truly beautiful. Byeongkwan has seen a lot of gorgeous people, but something about Sehyoon’s face was special.  
„I guess,“ he nodded, drinking his coffee. He was trying to avoid staring at the younger one but since Kwan was doing it so visibly, he felt weird looking away too much.  
„You’re not very talkative, are you?“ he chuckled. If that was the case, Sehyoon was pretty much the opposite of him – once Byeongkwan started talking, he didn’t know when to stop.  
„Sorry, I’m... ask me something I can talk more about?“  
„Okay. Well, since you obviously don’t like that part of your job, tell me what do you like?“  
„Oh man, what I dislike is much easier question,“ he laughed, trying to think about the positives. There really wasn’t too many, even though he wouldn’t want any other job, after so long it was harder and harder to find the silver lining. „Well, I love the money. I get quite a lot of it so I can buy whatever I want. That is if I have time to go somewhere to buy it, of course, but still. I also like that I can show people my art, and I love perfoming. I feel the happiest when I’m on stage and I know, I can _feel_ that people care,“ he nodded to support his own words, that was truly the best part. If he could do just that, just make music and be on stage, that would be more than enough.  
„It’s very obvious too. Like, I’ve only seen you once on stage, but the energy that shines through you is very powerful.“  
„Thank you, that’s very nice of you. What about you, is there anything you don’t like about your job?“  
„Well, the people can be kinda mean sometimes. If they don’t know who is coming and they see a man, they can be rude. Because, you know, what _real man_ would want to do makeup for other people, right?“ Kwan shrugged, little sadly, but he was used to it. That still wouldn’t stop him from doing it, he loved his job. „I had a lot of people just cancel on me and send me home in the beginning, or just let me do my job and don’t pay me. It’s better now since I get most of my work from instagram or other social medias where I have my face, so people know what to expect.“  
„That’s bullshit. What? Why would anybody care if you’re a guy or not? You do your job more than well. Fuck, see? That’s why I can’t stand people. Bunch of judgemental fuckers, you can never do right by them. No matter how hard you try, there’s always someone who hates seeing you succeed because of this or that.“ Sehyoon couldn’t stop himself from the little rant, he felt really disgusted by people sometimes. Especially when it came to discrimination, since there was no real reason for that other than bigotry. And just the thought of someone being mean to Byeongkwan was making his blood boil.  
„Well, I know but I’m kind of used to it. There’s been people mean to me ever since, like, middle school. You know, because I’m feminine and I never really kept it a secret that I liked men and that’s something people can’t get over. I mean, not everyone, there’s so many sweet and kind people that want nothing but happiness for my community, but there will always be people that disagree. I honestly feel worse for people that have to hide what they are, because even if people are rude to me, at least I’m staying true to myself. Which is more than a lot of these people hating can say about themselves.“  
„Yeah...,“ Sehyoon had to swallow a sigh, he really felt like shit for lying. But if Byeongkwan only knew... how hard it would be to be open about who he was, maybe he would understand. He seemed like the kind of person who would definitely understand. „You know, I know people in the industry who have to lie about who they are, and I can tell you it’s not easy for them either, but they have no choice. A lot of celebrities have it written in their contract, that they can’t date people of the same sex,“ he decided to say at least that much, trying to cover his ass a little bit.  
„I heard about that, it’s really sad... Is there a lot of gay celebrities?“ Byeongkwan smiled, he was always interested in knowing that and since he finally knew someone who was not only around celebrities, but was one himself, he had to ask.  
„Define a lot? I don’t know, Byeongkwan... I guess there are some. I couldn’t tell you about them anyway though.“  
„Why? I won’t tell anyone,“ Byeongkwan smirked, but he was joking. He knew it would be wrong for Sehyoon to just out someone, so he decided to ask something else. „Do your parents live in Seoul? You never talk about them.“  
„They don’t,“ Sehyoon shook his head, wishing that answer would be enough but seeing Kwan’s face, he knew the boy was waiting for him to say more. „They live in Jeolla-do. That’s where I’m from.“  
„Wow, really? That’s so far away. Do you see them often?“  
„Not really,“ Sehyoon looked down at his coffee, he really didn’t like talking about his parents. „We don’t have the best relationship.“  
„I’m so sorry, Sehyoonie,“ Byeongkwan frowned, reaching over the table to hold Sehyoon’s hand. It was an instinct, he saw the older man was in distress and he wanted to show him support somehow. „Did you have a fight or something?“  
„No, they just don’t agree with... me,“ he chuckled sadly, leaning back to move his hand away from Byeongkwan’s. It felt nice, really nice, and he didn’t want to get used to it. „With who I am, what I want, what I do, what I write... The only thing they like is me sending them money.“  
„Why... I’m so sorry,“ Kwan repeated, he wasn’t sure what to say. „You don’t need anyone who doesn’t support you, Sehyoon. You’re so talented, your music helps so many people and if they don’t agree with that, that’s not your problem. I know they’re your parents and you are supposed to love them, but you don’t them in your life if they make you unhappy.“  
„I know that, but they’re still my parents. I wouldn’t be here without them, it’s still my responsibility to take care of them. That’s what a man does.“  
„It’s not. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself, Sehyoon.“  
„Agree to disagree?“ Sehyoon laughed softly, he knew there wasn’t much to talk about because he could never abandon his parents. No matter how much they’d hurt him with what they’d say, he knew he’d always take care of them as much as he could.  
„What inspired you to write your first song?“ Byeongkwan decided to talk about something maybe a little happier, he didn’t want to see Sehyoon sad.  
„Oh... my first crush?“ Sehyoon laughed again, hating that he couldn’t talk about himself openly, and it was getting more and more annoying. He knew the boy for about a month but literally every conversation they’ve had so far always somehow got to a topic where Sehyoon had to lie. „My parents didn’t like the, um, person I liked. Shockingly. And they didn’t let me see that person so I was sad and I wrote my first ever lyrics. It was so bad tho, like a really bad song. It didn’t make any sense.“  
„That’s cute, though! I’m sure it was good, do you still have it somewhere? I’d love to read it. Also, was she older? Or why didn’t your parents like her?“ Byeongkwan asked, he was full of questions and he was glad Sehyoon was finally answering properly. When they talked on the phone, he got a lot of humming and agreeing sounds, it was very rare for Sehyoon to talk too much. Which was a pity, Byeongkwan really liked his voice.  
„Oh no, I burned it years ago,“ he chuckled, shaking his head and finishing his food finally. It was hard to eat when Byeongkwan wanted him to talk all the time. „They never liked anyone I liked. It’s complicated, but they have their reasons.“  
„Is it hard having a relationship when you’re famous?“  
„I guess? I never really had one,“ Sehyoon answered truthfully. The one time he thought it might work out with a man, he ended up asking for an absurd amount of money to stay silent about Sehyoon’s sexuality, which was in the beginning of his career, and ever since then he decided it was easier and safer to just have sex every now and then and not fall in love. Which, as of then, wasn’t working as good as it used to.  
„What, really? How long have you been alone?“  
„That’s.... I mean, I never really... I never had a real relationship,“ Sehyoon decided to, again, be truthful. There were things he had to lie about, so if he could be honest about that, he wanted to be. „I dated one person when I was in uni, but it was only like two months, it really wasn't... yeah, I’m weird.“  
„No, no, I don’t think you’re weird!“ Byeongkwan quickly shook his head. It was interesting, Sehyoon was such an interesting person, Kwan couldn’t get enough. He wanted to know every little detail. „Why is that?“  
„I don’t know. I never felt like I was at the right place to drag someone into my life. There were people I really, really liked, but it was never... I don’t know, it never felt real? With my, uh, my... It’s just difficult.“  
„I can imagine... So are you... are you a virgin then?“ he had to ask, he felt like it was a dumb question to ask an almost 30-year-old man but he wanted to be sure.  
„I’m not that,“ Sehyoon laughed, shaking his head.  
„So you like sleeping around, Mr Wow?“ Byeongkwan stuck his tongue out playfully, looking at the older man. He wouldn’t even blame him, such a beautiful man should have as much fun as he wanted to.  
„I wouldn’t say I like sleeping around, but I enjoy... bodies? Like, having someone close, I like that,“ he nodded, and just thinking about it made him miss it. The last time he’s been with someone was months ago and he really missed just touching someone and being touched. It wasn’t so much fun doing it alone all the time.  
„I like it too,“ Kwan chuckled, he loved being held, lying in their arms and feeling safe. „But I’ve been single for so long, I don’t even remember how a man’s body feels like,“ he had to add that, whining along the way.  
„How so? Don’t tell me you have problems finding someone who’d like you? I don’t believe that.“  
„Well, thank you,“ Byeongkwan grinned, „Sadly, it’s... a lot of people are just looking for a fuck buddy, and that’s really not for me. I want someone I could really be with, someone who would want every piece of me. That sounds stupid, but-“  
„It really doesn’t, I get that. I think having someone you can share everything of you with is a really beautiful thing. I’m sure you’ll find someone like that, Byeongkwan.“  
„Yeah, maybe one day...“

Sehyoon wanted to scream, he wanted to be that someone for Byeongkwan and the more he was talking to him and looking at him, the more he felt his head getting dizzy and his will weakening. There was something about the younger man, something that was pulling him in so strongly and he didn’t know if he’d have the strength to stay away from him. And he didn’t want to, he just didn’t want to try and be strong, he wanted to let himself fall and enjoy everything the younger man was willing to share with him, yet he still couldn’t make himself act on it. He couldn’t even tell him he wasn’t straight, how was he supposed to make the younger man fall in love with him? Why would Byeongkwan fall in love with a straight man? Sehyoon was slowly reaching his beloved point of desperation and he decided to come up with a plan. A plan to make the younger man really see him for who he was without actually opening himself enough to get hurt, and without letting him know he was gay. It simply wasn’t the right time, not yet.   
He needed to be sure that there was something on Byeongkwan’s side too, before doing anything that could put his career in jeopardy.


	6. 6.

**Day 31**

It was finally the day when Sehyoon’s new music video and album would be released, and he felt nervous. It was the good kind of nervous, though. He couldn’t wait for his fans to see a new side of him, and he still had some more of his own-style-songs on the album, so he was just hoping it would be recieved well. He always felt nervous when he was stepping out of his comfort zone, which the new song and concept definitely qualified for.  
He was sitting in Donghun’s office, getting some information about the show he was supposed to go on the next day, and he was bored just talking about it. The hosts were old and boring and the other guests that would be there with him were in no way similar to him – he already knew he’d just not talk, or talk only about his new music, so he’d have no screentime and he’d get scolded by his CEO. But he couldn’t be bothered to try, he’d much rather go visit Byeongkwan anyway. They’ve been talking even more ever since they’ve met and Sehyoon even invited the boy to a party he’d be having later that week, for the celebration of his new album. Which, thinking about it, he didn’t inform Donghun about it yet.

„Hunnie?“ he spoke up, stopping the older man in the middle of the sentence he was barely listening to anyway – he really wasn’t the best client Donghun could’ve chosen but he couldn’t help himself.  
„What? What, Sehyoon? Don’t call me that, what do you want?“ Hun raised his eyebrow, he knew his friend too well and he knew that Sehyoon calling him that always meant trouble. He wanted something and that barely ever meant a good thing, at least lately.  
„You know about that party we’re having for my release?“ he smiled with all his teeth showing, trying to act cute for the older guy and he knew how much Donghun hated it.  
„What? You invited the makeup guy? How surprising,“ Donghun shook his head, walking over to Sehyoon to slap his shoulder. „Are you careful? Like, in public and shit.“  
„Of course I am! I told you already, I’m not a complete idiot. But... maybe don’t let me drink too much on Saturday?“ he chuckled, looking at his friend. If he got too drunk he might get stupid and he didn’t want to do something in front of, well, all the people Donghun invited – Sehyoon wasn’t sure he knew more than 10. And since the CEO should be showing up there as well, it’d simply make everything easier if Sehyoon didn’t get wasted.  
„Bro, you know I don’t have that kind of power,“ Donghun laughed, sitting down on the couch. „If you get drunk and fuck the boy on the dance floor, that’s on you.“  
„Says you? Do you not remember the amount of money you had to pay to that paparazzi when they got you making out with Yuchan behind a fucking gay bar?“ Sehyoon laughed as well, sitting next to his manager. It was fun, all the times Donghun was not careful enough around Yuchan were when Sehyoon was around so he could use it against him and he simply loved it. It was karma.  
„I never should’ve told you about that,“ Donghun whined, leaning back. He had enough of work and he could see Sehyoon did too so they could take a little break and just talk. Donghun wanted every little update happening with Byeongkwan, he needed to know.  
„Well, you did. So, if I ever slip up around-“  
„No, no, no, Sehyoon. You slipped too many times with a lot of guys already, didn’t you? Just be careful. How is it going, anyway? Getting close and shit?“  
„I guess? I don’t know, I don’t know how he feels,“ the younger one shrugged, he wished he could just see into Byeongkwan’s head to know, but sadly he could only guess. „I think he’s, um, I think he likes me. We talk a lot, and he is really nice to me. But he also thinks I’m straight so there’s that.“  
„Why don’t you just tell him? He doesn’t have to know you’re into him, just let him know you swing the other way too?“ Donghun suggested, he kinda wanted Sehyoon to get this boy. He was cute, seemed kind and if he’d make Sehyoon happy, why the hell not. Dealing with the business and career stuff would also be easier if Sehyoon was with someone Donghun approved of.  
„I can’t. Because, like, what if he tried something on me? I couldn’t resist that shit, Donghun. If he touched me, I’d just... give in. And I don’t want to just fuck him, if there’s ever going to be anything with us, I want it to be real. And I want him to love me before he gives me his body.“  
„Jesus, are you 70?“ he rolled his eyes, grinning at his friend. Sehyoon sometimes talked as if he lived in the 50s and it was really funny to Donghun. Especially since he was the young, hot rapper who was supposed to be wild. „Why don’t you just have fun with him?“  
„Because I’ve been having fun for the past 26 years. I want a normal relationship. Or, as normal as I can get it,“ Sehyoon shrugged, he didn’t think it was so crazy to want something more serious at his age.  
„That doesn’t mean you have to wait months to fuck him, though? You can do other stuff, you know? If you don’t want to fuck him, I mean. You’ve been living in celibacy for like half a year now, isn’t it getting boring?“  
„Believe me, Donghun... I want nothing more than to fuck _right now_ , but I really think it might work out with him. So I can make it couple more months, to make sure he wants what I want.“  
„You and your poetic ass, I swear to god,“ Donghun chuckled, getting up from the couch. „I can’t wait to see you sweating on the bar stool once you see your little pink boy shaking what his momma gave him to _your_ songs, you will nut right on the spot,“ he added with a grin on his face, having too much fun with it, and he finally turned his computer back on. There was still too much work left to do, so no matter how much he wanted to talk more – responsibilites first.  
„Oh no, don’t even say that, I didn’t think of that,“ Sehyoon whined, laying down on the couch and hiding his face against a pillow. Well, it was never too late to start training your will, right?

**Day 36**

Turned out, Donghun was right. It was the night of Sehyoon’s celebration party and as soon as Byeongkwan got couple drinks down, he decided to move over to the dance floor where he was dancing so sinfully that Sehyoon thought he might just get a heart attack and die. Every move he did was so sensual and Sehyoon was almost sure he was doing it for him – since every time he catched Sehyoon staring at him, he licked his lips, or bit his lips, or stuck his tongue out, or winked, or did something else that was driving the rapper over the edge. He couldn’t focus on anything else but the boy on the dance floor so he was drinking one drink after another, not even realizing what he was doing until he was going to take another glass and Donghun grabbed his hand, shaking his head.

„I think you’ve had right about enough, Mr Wow,“ he said, pulling Sehyoon aside and sitting him down on one fo the many couches they had in the VIP area. „Are you doing okay? You do know that people see how you stare at Kwan, right?“  
„What? No, why? I’m just... looking at people dancing,“ Sehyoon chuckled. Yeah, he was definitely drunk, and he just realized that too. Oops.  
„God, how many drinks did you have, brother?“ the older man rolled his eyes, grabbing a water from the table and handing it to his friend. „Maybe it’s time to go? The CEO left anyway and the longer you stay here, the more people will see you like this.“  
„Like what? I’m not even doing anything, Donghun,“ Sehyoon pouted, leaning back on the couch, still looking over at the dance floor just so that Byeongkwan knew he didn’t just leave. How could he leave without Byeongkwan? Maybe they could have a little fun, maybe if they just... did something little nobody would even know it, right? Sehyoon was feeling very needy. „I want to dance with him,“ he suggested, trying to get up from the couch but Donghun quickly grabbed his arm, pulling him back down on the couch.  
„Yeah, that’s not going to happen,“ he laughed, Sehyoon basically fell on the couch since he lost his balance as soon as Donghun touched him. Drunk Yoon was funny. But, apparently, also dangerous.  
„Why? I wanna dance. Let me dance.“  
„Sehyoon, you’re drunk. How about we get you home? I think you’ve had enough partying.“  
„God, why are you so boring? Don’t lie to me, you just wanna go home to fuck your little singer, don’t you?“ Sehyoon grinned, leaning his head against his friend’s shoulder. If he couldn’t cuddle with Byeongkwan, Donghun had to do.  
„Totally, you got me, tiger. Come on, let’s go,“ Donghun rolled his eyes, getting up and helping Sehyoon do the same. He kept his arm wrapped around Sehyoon as he walked down from the VIP area and even though he tried to go straight for the exit, Sehyoon dragged him to the pink boy dancing on the dance floor.  
„Kwannie, I gotta go,“ he grabbed the younger one by the waist, very lightly, just to make him aware that he’s there. Even though Byeongkwan was watching him make his way through the crowd to him. He just wanted to touch him, basically. At least a little bit.  
„Already? You didn’t even dance with me,“ Byeongkwan frowned, looking over at Donghun who was helping the rapper keep stand still. Kwan was intoxicated too but the rapper definitely looked like he had way more to drink. But why shouldn’t he, it was his party after all.  
„I don’t make the rules here, sadly,“ he mumbled softly, pointing at his manager.  
„Well, I’ll go too then,“ Byeongkwan shrugged, saying bye to the couple people he was dancing with, and he followed the other two to the exit. They were almost there, when someone brushed against Byeongkwan, going the other way.  
„Watch where you’re going, fag,“ was what the person mumbled under his nose and, unfortunately, Sehyoon heard him way too clear. He stopped, turning on his heel.  
„The fuck you said?“ he growled, grabbing the other guy by his arm to stop him.  
„Jesus, Sehyoon...,“ Donghun was quickly by the rapper’s side, pulling him away. „Let’s go.“  
„I told the fag to watch his way,“ the man repeated, not bothered, and Sehyoon didn’t even blink before his fist flew up, hitting the other one in the face.   
„You were saying?!“ he yelled, grabbing him by the collar. He couldn’t help himself, that one word just made him think about all the times Byeongkwan must’ve heard it and just brush it off and the alcohol fogging his brain made it even easier to snap. „Fucking bitch, you think you can come to _my_ party and insult people here?!“ he continued, spitting at the other’s face and pushing him against a table. „Think calling him fag makes you a man, huh? Fucking pussy, come say it to my face!“  
„Sehyoon, stop,“ Byeongkwan whined, pulling on the rapper’s arm, trying his best to drag him away. Which he was helped with by some bodyguards, who were quick to grab Sehyoon and walk him outside of the club, where they finally let go of him.  
„What _the fuck_ was that, Sehyoon? Are you insane? What the... fuck! Sehyoon!“ Donghun was throwing his hands in the air as he pushed the rapper inside their car, waiting for Byeongkwan to get in too – since he could already hear how Sehyoon would protest if he didn’t, and he told the driver to go as fast as he could. „Fuck! God, why me?“ he groaned, hitting the window. He saw couple people with their phones out as soon as Sehyoon turned around and he already knew this would be all over the internet in no time.  
„I didn’t do shit,“ the rapper mumbled, looking out of the window. He couldn’t look at Donghun, as soon as the fresh air outside hit him, he realized it probably wasn’t the smartest thing he could’ve done. Especially in front of so many people.  
„You didn’t—breathe, Donghun, just breathe,“ he stopped himself from blowing up, taking a deep breath. „You punched... a man... in front of a whole club... on your release party... what do you mean _you didn’t do shit_?“  
„He deserved it,“ Sehyoon shrugged, he wasn’t too bothered. So there would be couple articles about him hitting a stranger, and what? That wasn’t the worst that could happen.  
„Look, I can’t fucking reason with you right now,“ Donghun sighed, trying his best to stay calm. He waited for the car to stop in front of Sehyoon’s building before he spoke up again. „We will talk tomorrow.“  
„Whatever, Donghun,“ Sehyoon shrugged, opening the car door. „Do you wanna sleep over? It’s kinda late, and Hun lives, like, on the other side of the city,“ he turned around to look at Byeongkwan and he ignored the disbelief on Donghun’s face.  
„I- sure, that sounds... okay,“ Kwan nodded, quickly taking his stuff and getting out of the car. „I’m really sorry, Mr Lee.“  
„Are you sure that’s the best idea, Sehyoon?“ Donghun questioned everything the rapper decided on while he was drunk, to be honest, and this didn’t seem like the best of his ideas.  
„Pretty fucking sure, yeah. You should go home, there’s an ass waiting to be fucked,“ Sehyoon grinned and before Donghun could say something else, the rapper slammed the car door shut and stumbled his way to the building, barely making the key go inside the hole and turning it to unlock the door. But, eventually, they got into Sehyoon’s appartment and Byeongkwan still kept silent as he followed Sehyoon, looking around his place. It was huge, he never saw a place so big, and he didn’t even want to think how expensive it must’ve been to live there.  
„Want some water?“ Sehyoon asked, turning around to look at Byeongkwan before heading to the kitchen. He wasn’t really sure why he invited Byeongkwan in, he knew Donghun could easily drop him at his flat, but he just... he wanted to spend a little more time with him. And he wasn’t sober enough to know it was dangerous at his state to be alone with the boy.  
„Um, sure, thank you,“ Byeongkwan nodded, stopping couple steps behind the rapper, watching him struggle with keeping his balance as he took a glass and filled it with water, handing it to the younger one.  
„I suppose you want something to change to?“ he continued, trying to avoid eye contact as much as he could, and he knew Byeongkwan must’ve been confused by everything, but he was hoping he wouldn’t ask anything.   
„Can you stop for a second, Sehyoon?“ Kwan grabbed his arm to stop him from heading to yet another giant room he had in that appartment, and he turned him around so he could look at him. „It was really nice, what you did for me back there. I’m not used to people... you know, standing up for me. Thank you, really.“ He had to say it, seeing Sehyoon do something like that, it was really... it felt beautiful. He was used to people calling him names so he would just look pass it but seeing how it upset the rapper, it made him think. A lot. And with how Donghun was acting, too... Everything was suddenly very suspicious to the younger man.  
„Yeah, it’s no big deal, Byeongkwan. I won’t let some fucking asshole disrespect you at my party,“ he shrugged, trying to make it not a big deal, even though he saw in Byeongkwan’s eyes that it was pretty important to him. And to Sehyoon too, to be honest. He never did something like that.  
„It is a big deal, it’s a very big deal,“ Byeongkwan continued, taking couple steps closer to the rapper, and he stopped just inches from him. „I feel like I should thank you properly,“ he continued and before he let Sehyoon answer, he leaned in, placing the softest, smallest kiss against Sehyoon’s lips. He’s wanted to do that ever since they met the first time and this was the perfect opportunity. In Byeongkwan’s opinion anyway.  
„What was that for?“   
„I just—I wanted to thank you. You stood up for me, I don’t take that for granted.“

Sehyoon blinked, looking at the younger boy and in a snap of a finger, his brain just decide to give up and Sehyoon couldn’t stop himself before grabbing Byeongkwan by his hips, pushing him against the closest wall, his body covering the smaller one. He kept eye contact with Byeongkwan as his hands ran down his body, and he had to bit his tongue to stop a groan. He couldn’t believe it was happening, that he was holding him in his arms, and he finally took a breath before connecting their lips, squeezing Byeongkwan’s butt at the same time to gain a loud moan from the younger one and he took that opportunity to stick his tongue inside Byeongkwan’s mouth, which he welcomed gladly. Sehyoon smiled a little for himself when Kwan wrapped his arms around his neck and Sehyoon pushed his own body against Byeongkwan’s even more, with every inch of their bodies touching, and he grabbed his butt more firm to pull the boy little higher, to have more place to waste Byeongkwan’s mouth, exploring every last hidden place of it with his tongue. He’s dreamed about doing exactly that for a month and with the amount of alcohol in his body, he couldn’t hold it back any longer. He was kissing Byeongkwan deeply, pulling him in as close as he could, wishing he’d never have to let go. Sadly though, when a bit of clarity finally hit his brain, he took a step back right away, covering his mouth with his hand.  
„F-Fuck, Byeongkwan... I’m so sorry,“ he gasped, shocking himself by what he just did, and he couldn’t even look the younger one in the eyes. „I’ll... I’ll get you some clothes,“ he mumbled and left the kitchen as quickly as he could, trying really hard to walk stable enough but still hitting his shin against a table as he walked through the living room. What the hell did he just do? How could he just kiss him like that? Fuck, that wasn’t good. Well, actually, it was very good. Too good almost, how was he such a good kisser? He slapped himself, trying to make his brain work, and he changed his own clothes before grabbing some clean ones for Byeongkwan and walking back. He stopped in the living room where Byeongkwan was sitting on his couch, just looking around and he looked very confused, which Sehyoon couldn’t even blame him for. Did he mess up their whole friendship?  
„I’m back,“ he spoke up, taking more steps forward to place the clothes on the table in front of Byeongkwan.  
„I really don’t want this to change anything, Sehyoon,“ Byeongkwan whined, getting up to look at the rapper. He knew he was drunk, and he was pretty sure he wouldn’t kiss him otherwise, so he didn’t want them to be awkward just because of a drunken kiss. Even if it made Byeongkwan feel something he’s never felt before.  
„What? Oh, yeah, sure, it’s... I just... I didn’t mean to, like... you know, I’m not-“  
„Please, don’t say it,“ the younger one sighed, trying his best not to roll his eyes. He’s heard a variation of „I’m not gay“ from Sehyoon so much it was getting boring. And even though Byeongkwan really didn’t want to make assumptions, he couldn’t help but doubt that Sehyoon wasn’t into men. He’s kissed straight men before and the way Sehyoon was kissing him, all the places his hands automatically went for, how he grabbed him and touched him... that wasn’t how straight men would kiss him. And no straight men would have to repeat 5 times a day that they’re straight either. So, even if he wasn’t about to push Sehyoon into coming out to him or anything like that, he really didn’t want to hear that lie ever again.  
„I didn’t mean to kiss you like that,“ Sehyoon decided to put it that way, because that was the honest truth. Even though he wanted it more than anything now, when he finally tasted it, he was still hoping he wouldn’t remember it in the morning.  
„Sehyoon, it was just a kiss. Okay? It doesn’t need to mean anything, if you don’t want it to. I promise, I won’t ever talk about it.“  
„Okay,“ Sehyoon nodded, just standing there in silence for a minute, before he spoke up again. „So, good night, I guess?“  
„Good night, Sehyoonie.“


	7. 7.

**Day 37**

Sehyoon was awaken that day with his phone ringing so loud he felt like his head was going to explode. It was either the sound of his ringtone or the giant hangover he was going through the second he opened his eyes, he wasn’t sure which one it was. He would normally decline the call but since it was Donghun, he knew he had to accept it, so he did, just putting the phone on his ear, groaning instead of a hello.

„You fucking idiot,“ was the first thing Sehyoon heard from the other side, and if he felt a little bit better he’d laugh at that, but he was the furthest from being able to laugh he could’ve been.  
„Morning to you too,“ he mumbled, keeping his eyes closed, and he was just hoping Donghun wouldn’t yell too much because the headache he had was excruciating.  
„Do you remember what you did yesterday?“  
„Mhm,“ he groaned, trying to think. Well, he drank. A lot. He was also watching Byeongkwan dance, keeping his distance. He was doing really good, better than he’d expect. Then he talked to Donghun, they decided to leave... he punched the guy, of course. And then he went home with... „Fuck.“  
„What? Jesus, did you do something else besides hitting that guy?“ Donghun was already stressed, he’s been in his office for like an hour and all he was doing was reading all the shit being written about the rapper he was supposed to protect the image of. Not only was everyone talking about Sehyoon punching someone, they were also discussing the reason why he did it and that was much worse – not menitoniong the amount of homophobic comments being thrown at the makeup boy.  
„N-Nothing, I—I think I kissed him. Kinda. A little bit,“ he admited, even if he wasn’t completely sure it wasn’t a dream. He sometimes got reality and dreams mixed when he was drunk. However, the fact that he could still taste Byeongkwan’s lips on his own was telling him he probably wasn’t dreaming. At all.  
„Sehyoon... why do you hate me? What have I done to you, why do you want to ruin my career?“ Donghun whined, hitting his head against the table. Just a little bit, of course, he was just so frustrated. He really wished he never invited Byeongkwan in the first place, and he knew full well this all was just a beginning of something much worse. As much as he wanted Sehyoon to be happy and in love, maybe it really wasn’t the best idea after all.  
„I was drunk, I didn’t mean to... he kissed me first and I just couldn’t fucking hold myself back,“ Sehyoon shrugged, hiding his head under the blanket. There was too much light coming from the outside and his head was hurting more and more with every minute that went by.  
„Great. Fucking amazing. There are people on twitter saying you’re gay, just so you know,“ Donghun decided it was time for Sehyoon to know. He would read it himself eventually so it was better if he was prepared at least a little bit.  
„What the fuck? Why? Did I—did I kiss him in public?“ he scratched his head, trying to remember everything more clearly. „No, it was definitely in the kitchen. What—why?“  
„Why? I don’t know, Sehyoon. Maybe because you were fucking staring at the makeup boy-“  
„Byeongkwan, Donghun. He has a name, and it’s Byeongkwan.“  
„I don’t fucking care, what are you talking about? Are you still drunk or, like, do you not understand the situation? I don’t care what the boy’s name is, all I care about is you fucking up again. Because of someone you know for a fucking month, are you serious? I didn’t even tell you about the best part, that guy is threating to sue you. Or us, to be more specific. You know what that means, right? We have to spend more fucking money because you can’t—fuck, Sehyoon,“ Donghun stopped himself before being even more mean, trying to take couple deep breaths. He wanted to be Sehyoon’s friend and be there for him and care about his feelings but he couldn’t help himself from caring about his own career too, just as much as Sehyoon’s. And the name of the company, it could all be ruined.  
„I’m sorry?“ Sehyoon spoke up after a while of silence, he wasn’t sure what to say. He might’ve been a little drunk still, or his brain was just damaged from the hangover, but he really couldn’t think clearly enough. „I didn’t mean to fuck it up, I just couldn’t help myself last night. When that guy, that fucking asshole called Byeongkwan... I just don’t deal well with that, Donghun. I’m sorry, okay? But I won’t stand for anyone using that kind of word against someone I care about. I wouldn’t let anyone call you that either. Or your boyfriend.“  
„That’s all cute and shit, but you need to think about your career every now and then too, Sehyoon. You can't keep doing all this shit when-“  
„Thinking about my career is all I’ve been doing for the past four years, Donghun. I want to get to know a man I really like now, and I really think I deserve it. I’m sorry if you don’t feel that way but you have no idea how fucking hard it is to fall asleep every night alone just because the company decided I shouldn’t want to suck dicks,“ Sehyoon growled a little bit, he felt like shit and he simply didn’t appreciate Donghun being so... rude. And not understanding Sehyoon’s situation whatsoever. „I know you’re my manager and what not, but you’re my friend too, right? I am really not in the mood to be yelled at, so I’m gonna end this call now and I will talk to you in the afternoon. I will come over to the office. Bye,“ he added before ending the call, slamming the phone against the wall right after. He couldn’t help but feel upset, he didn’t think he deserved such treatment from someone who was supposed to be his friend just because of a little slip up. It wasn’t all just business all the time, was it?  
He was hiding under the blanket when he heard a knock on the door and when he looked up, he saw Byeongkwan standing there. He looked so cute Sehyoon almost whined, seeing the boy with no make up for the first time, his hair all messy and wearing nothing but Sehyoon oversized shirt and tiny, red boxers. Sehyoon thought the boy was stunning, a work of art.  
„Sehyoon?“ he spoke up, and the tone he was using made Sehyoon sat up in the bed really quickly.  
„Are you okay?“ he asked, ignoring his head spinning from how fast he sat up. It wasn’t time to throw up, _not now, Sehyoon._  
„Can you hold me, please?“  
„W-What? I... Byeongkwan, I’m-“  
„I don’t mean it in a gay way, Sehyoon. I really need a friend. Please?“ Byeongkwan spoke up when he saw the horror on Sehyoon’s face, taking a step forward. He’s been reading threads on twitter and all the DMs he’s gotten and he felt like shit. He was used to people calling him names, but getting hundreds of these comments all at once, he really wasn’t ready for something like that.  
„Sure. Okay,“ Sehyoon nodded, lifting his blanket and moving to the side to make more place for the younger man, who quickly ran over, laying down and pressing his back against Sehyoon’s chest right away, getting as close as he could, and when Sehyoon put the blanket over them, Kwan quickly grabbed his arm to wrap it around himself. Spooning seemed like the best option and Sehyoon looked like he was the perfect type for spooning.  
„Thank you,“ the pink haired boy mumbled when he finally settled down, being snuggled so close his ass was pressed right against Sehyoon’s crotch, and he didn’t mind that at all.  
„What’s wrong?“ Sehyoon asked after a while when he calmed down enough to actually form words. How was it possible that Byeongkwan still smelled so amazing? Maybe he took a shower last night, which Sehyoon for sure didn’t, or he was just unreal. Both option seemed equally valid, and Sehyoon was holding the younger man as tightly as he could without making it feel uncomfortable. He really enjoyed having him in his arms, his body so closely against Sehyoon’s, and he fit there almost as if he was made for Sehyoon to hold him.  
„I... there are some, um, people on the internet talking about me,“ Byeongkwan didn’t really want to talk about it too much, it really made him feel like shit, but he knew that if there was someone who would understand, it would be Sehyoon. „I woke up to like hundreds of DMs and some people were just asking me about you, but...“  
„Byeongkwan, you can never read those messages. Ever, okay? Do you think I would be as okay as I am if I read all the hate comments and messages I get? Just ignore them,“ he tried to put in his two cents but he knew how difficult it was for him in the beginning, to ignore when people were mean. He thankfully got over it, but it took a long time too. „I didn’t want to put you in this situation.“  
„It’s not your fault, Sehyoonie. We’re friends, if people see me around you, it’s... We can’t really avoid it, right? I just wish they weren’t so hateful. I never did anything to them.“  
„Of course you didn’t, I know you didn’t,“ Sehyoon sighed, stroking Byeongkwan’s tummy in the most friendly manner he managed, stopping himself from placing a kiss on his head. It was really temtping, it was right there. Like, Sehyoon’s nose was basically burried in the younger’s hair.  
„Will you be okay? Some people seem to be upset that you hit someone.“  
„Oh yeah, don’t worry. I have an interview in couple days so I suppose I will be clearing my name there, if Donghun has any say in it,“ Sehyoon shrugged, already dreading it. He didn’t like being on TV and for that show in particular, he’d be the main and only guest so that made it even worse because people would obviously be watching it for him.  
„Can I ask you something?“  
„Sure, Byeongkwan,“ he nodded, waiting for the worst possible question. There was so many things Byeongkwan could ask and he didn’t feel strong enough to lie.  
„Your manager, Donghun... is he gay?“ Byeongkwan was wondering about it for a while, he always got _vibes_ from his fellow gay men, but after last night he was pretty sure. The comment Sehyoon made about an ass waiting for Donghun, he doubted that could be interpreted in any other way.  
„Did I say something last night? I don’t... quite remember everything.“  
„A little bit,“ Byeongkwan chuckled, and he decided not to comment on the other... _stuff_ , that happened the night before.  
„Oops. Well, yeah. He, like, he has a boyfriend,“ Sehyoon nodded, there was probably no reason to lie about it and Byeongkwan didn’t exactly sound surprised.  
„That’s really nice. Is he the person you were telling me about? Like, about his parents being mean to him and all that?“  
„Um, sure. That makes sense, yeah,“ Sehyoon decided to lie, again, but it wasn’t too bad. And it wasn’t completely a lie because even though Donghun’s parents didn’t know he was with a man, he was pretty sure they wouldn’t approve of it.  
„He’s dating that singer, isn’t he? I remember there were articles about Kang Yuchan spending too much time with a mysterious man couple months ago and that guy looked very much like your manager.“  
„Damn, you’re informed,“ Sehyoon laughed lightly. He didn’t remember any articles but he did remember Donghun being very distressed a while back and even taking a break with Yuchan, so that was probably the reason why. „Don’t say it to anyone though, okay? Not even your friends.“  
„Of course not,“ the younger one shook his had, turning around in Sehyoon’s arms to face him. „I would never, Sehyoon. I know we don’t know each other for that long, but you can trust me. I promise, I would never do anything to hurt you.“  
„Okay,“ Sehyoon smiled, and he felt butterflies in his stomach as he was staring at Byeongkwan’s face so closely and, well, intimately. They were lying in his bed, Sehyoon half naked, his arm still wrapped around the younger one, and their faces were so close they were breathing each other’s air. And Sehyoon had to be really strong not to lean forward to kiss Byeongkwan.  
„You can tell me anything. Anything at all,“ Byeongkwan decided to add, moving just a tiny bit closer to the older man, and he kept his voice so quiet he was basically whispering. He really didn’t want to put Sehyoon on the spot again, but god, he wanted to kiss him so bad.  
„I know,“ the older one nodded, bitting his lip as he moved his arm up, runing his fingers across Byeongkwan’s face, so lightly he was barely touching him, and his heart was going crazy. No matter how much he didn’t want to admit it to himself, he was falling for the pink haired boy so hard and so fast it was hard to believe it. He couldn’t stop his heart from simply wanting the younger man, and just when he decided to give up and lean closer, to finally kiss the boy again, his stomach decided it had other plans. He quickly got up, running to the bathroom to kneel down in front of the toilet, throwing up. Of course that would happen, of fucking course. But maybe it was better that way.  
„Are you okay, Sehyoonie?“ Byeongkwan was quick to join the older man, walking over to him to rub his back. „Do you want something? Water? Painkillers?“  
Sehyoon just shook his head, hating that Byeongkwan was seeing him like that, and he burried his face into the toilet again.

It was couple hours later and Byeongkwan was sitting in a coffee shop, waiting for his friend to come. He went there straight from Sehyoon’s place, so he was wearing his shirt and hoodie that Sehyoon borrowed him, and it felt so nice to have his clothes on. They were comfy and soft and they smelled nice, it was almost as if he had Sehyoon himself wrapped around.  
„Hello,“ a voice came from behind the younger one and he quickly got up, hugging Junhee tightly before they both sat back down.  
„Hi there, gorgeous,“ Kwan smiled, letting his friend take the coat off and order something to drink.  
„How are you today? Was the party- oh my god, whose clothes are those?“ Junhee finally noticed, reaching over the table to touch the hoodie. It definitely wasn’t Byeongkwan‘s. „Where the hell did you sleep?“  
„Oh, this old thing,“ Byeongkwan chuckled, tugging more into the oversized hoodie. „I slept over at Sehyoon’s place, he invited me in after the party.“  
„No shit,“ Junhee’s mouth dropped open, he didn’t expect something like that to ever happen. Byeongkwan was telling him all the time that he simply didn’t think the rapper is straight but Jun never really believed it. „What did you do?“  
„Nothing. I mean, nothing much,“ Byeongkwan shrugged, blushing a little bit with the memory of Sehyoon’s hands all over his body. It definitely felt very nice. „He kissed me. Like, I gave him a little, tiny peck and then he went it,“ he added, grinning a little bit.  
„Damn, really? He’s really into you? Are you lying to me, Byeongkwan?“ he raised an eyebrow, he just couldn’t believe it. Not like his friend wasn’t very desirable, but the rapper... well, apparently wasn’t as straight as Junhee expected.  
„I don’t know if he is into me, but he did kiss me. Proper make out session, may I add,“ he had to say it, and he could see on Junhee’s face he didn’t quite believe him. „I swear, why would I lie to you? But he was also drunk, so who knows.“  
„Did you talk about it then? Did you sleep in his bed or? Tell me everything!“  
„We didn’t talk about it, I promised him I wouldn’t mention it. And no, I sadly slept on the couch. But, like, in the morning... I went to his bed and he held me and cuddled me and I think he was about to kiss me, but then he ran to the bathroom to throw up, so...,“ Byeongkwan laughed, shaking his head. It could’ve been such a romantic morning (well, noon), only if Sehyoon’s stomach wouldn’t give up on him. And after his stomach was finally empty and they were sitting on the couch, talking, Sehyoon made sure to keep his distance. So even though Byeongkwan wanted nothing more than for the kiss to happen again, he was doubting the rapper would do it. He just seemed too worried all the time, every time they got too close he’d move away and it was, honestly, pretty annoying.  
„Do you really think he is, you know... gay?“ Junhee whispered the last word, just to be sure, and he smiled when Byeongkwan nodded. „Well then, what’s the plan? How do we get the rapper to fall for you?“  
„I have no fucking idea, Junhee. I mean, we didn’t spend that much time together yet, so I think I should give him more time before trying anything on him again,“ he shrugged, really not wanting to push Sehyoon into anything he didn’t want.  
„Isn’t it a waste of time, though? If he obivously wants you, why shouldn’t you go for it?“  
„Because he isn’t ready,“ Byeongkwan said almost sadly, he wasn’t even sure if going for someone like Sehyoon was a good idea with all that would put him through, but he couldn’t help but feel in his heart that it was what he wanted. That Sehyoon was what he wanted. And honestly, he’s known that ever since that first time they met, there was that instant connection that you simply can’t look over and he was pretty sure Sehyoon felt it too. And, obviously, he was also hot as fuck so that was always a bonus.  
"I know it's hard being in the closet, but... Do you like him, Kwannie?" Junhee asked, as far as he was concerned it was the only thing that really mattered.  
"I do. I really do, I like him _so_ much," he nodded immediately, there was no point in lying and Junhee knew it anyway. He always sensed when Byeongkwan was into someone. "I know it's dumb, but I can't help it."  
"It's not dumb at all, honey. You can't help falling in love, can you? I'm just worried that all this is just a game for him, I don't want you to get hurt."  
"What do you mean?"  
"You know, straight guys feeling like they can play around with you and fuck you couple times just to know how it is, and then leaving you alone and broken," Junhee sighed, he didn't want his best friend getting hurt over a guy again. Byeongkwan deserved to be so happy.  
"He is not straight, Junnie. And if he wanted to just fuck me, he'd have already done it. All he had to do was say one word last night and I'd let him do whatever he'd want to me. I think he might be trying to do the exact opposite - keep his distance and not get too close to me."  
"Well, let him know then. Let him know you like him and that you wouldn't want to hurt his career in any way."  
"I can't, I don't want to tell him anything. He'd feel pressured, I don't want that," Byeongkwan shook his head, finishing his coffee. "I'll give him more time."  
"Okay, if that's what you wanna do," Junhee nodded, reaching over the table to hold Byeongkwan's hand. "So, tell me... is he a good kisser?" he asked with a smile, gaining a chuckle from his friend. They had enough of serious talk, Junhee wanted the juicy details of what happened.


	8. 8.

**Day 44**

Sehyoon couldn’t believe he was just about to watch his own self on television, but he wasn’t given much of a choice. Him and Byeongkwan arranged a movie night at Sehyoon’s place and the second Sehyoon mentioned the show he taped a couple days back would be aired, Byeongkwan decided they had to watch it. Sehyoon really didn’t want to, he know they’d show him talking about the night at his party and remembering all the bullshit he had to say about the whole situation was making him nervous. It made him nervous that Byeongkwan would hear him talk like that about what happened, but of course he couldn’t really mention it. He was avoiding the topic of sexuality with all his power, even though he knew Byeongkwan wanted to talk about it. Or more like, he knew Byeongkwan knew. The second he kissed him, he knew that Byeongkwan put two and two together. And as they spend more time together, he noticed how much more touchy feely Byeongkwan became, which he wouldn’t really mind if he wasn’t worried he would slip.  
After that party, he spoke with Donghun about the whole thing, and for some reason his friend wasn’t as supportive as he promised he’d be. And the worst thing was that Sehyoon couldn’t even blame him for that, he knew how risky it would be if he got into a relationship, but he simply couldn’t help himself, he couldn’t stop falling in love with the boy. And after that conversation with Donghun, he knew he couldn’t do anything, no matter how much he wanted. He didn’t want to disappoint the only person that ever believed in him.

„It’s on, it’s on!“ Byeongkwan clapped, finally bringing Sehyoon back to his sense. He looked at the younger one with a smile, he was so cute when he was excited.  
„Okay, I need a drink,“ he chuckled, getting up to get some jack and coke, one for Byeongkwan as well and he did it as slowly as he could, he really didn’t like watching himself too much. „Here,“ he said once he came back, handing one glass to the younger one and putting the bottle of whiskey on the table. Just in case.  
„Thank you, Sehyoonie,“ Byeongkwan smiled, reaching over to rub Sehyoon’s thigh, quickly just as a thank you, before turning his attention back to the TV. He thought Sehyoon looked amazing on that show, the outfit he had looked so good with his hair and even though he had no makeup on, his skin was glowing. Which it was in real life just as much.  
„God, do we really have to watch it?“  
„We do! And psht, I’m listening,“ Byeongkwan laughed, he was interested in everything Sehyoon was talking about on the TV. Even though he knew most of his music story and such, he was sure there was a script the rapper was following so it was interesting to hear what his company wanted him to come off like.

„Can you tell us more about the club incident that happened last week?“  
„Well, I don’t think there’s very much to say. I was leaving the club with my team and a man decided to spit some homophobic slurs at my makeup artist, so I decided to step in,“ Sehyoon kept it as simple as possible, trying his best to stay on the script Donghun gave him.  
„Uhuh, so you agree with the lifestyle choices of homosexuals?“  
„What?“ Sehyoon blinked, looking past the camera quickly, before looking back at the woman. That was denfinitely not a question he agreed on.  
„Do you think it’s okay?“  
„I think it’s none of my business. I believe all people are equal, and I don’t stand for any kind of discrimination. I don’t care what people do behind closed doors, it’s their choice,“ he finally answered, trying his best not to roll his eyes at himself. He hated the word choice when it came to sexuality but he knew that was what he needed to say.  
„Some people are questioning your sexuality, could you say anything in regards to that?“  
„I don’t believe there’s anything to say. I always kept my personal life private, however I can assure you that my past girlfriends could comment on that better,“ he answered with a wink, trying his best to do the straight man kind of thing, and judging by the smile of the woman interviewing him, it worked.  
„Is there any special lady in your life right now?“  
„Special, no. But there are many ladies,“ he said, gaining a giggle from the woman and he did his best not to roll his eyes.

Just as the interviewer ended that segment and a commercial came on, Sehyoon finished his drink and looked at Byeongkwan. He wasn’t sure what reaction he expected, but he figured there would be one.  
„I think you did well,“ Byeongkwan said, looking at Sehyoon with a little smile, putting his still full glass on the table. He knew Sehyoon wouldn’t stand up for his community, so he was glad he handled it like that. It wasn’t ideal, but it couldn’t really hurt anybody. At least not too much, hopefully.  
„I know it’s not a choice, I should’ve chosen a better word,“ he decided to say, he really didn’t want Byeongkwan to think he was in any way trying to offend him or act like he didn’t like his sexuality. It was ridiculous, he was gay so of course he didn’t mean to offend anyone who was like him.  
„Sehyoon, it’s fine. Really, I know you have to do this,“ the younger one shrugged, taking the remote control and changing the channel.  
„I do,“ Sehyoon nodded in agreement, pouring more whiskey into his glass. He didn’t know what to say, all that was on his mind would only make it even more awkward.  
„I wanna do your makeup,“ Byeongkwan lit up, getting up to run to his stuff and taking his makeup case, before sitting back on the couch.  
„Really?“ Sehyoon laughed, glad that Byeongkwan changed the subject so naturally, and he finished his second glass before turning around to sit facing the younger man. „Okay.“  
„Can I do something I always wanted to see you in?“ the younger one asked, moving closer on the couch, sitting as close as he could without sitting on Sehyoon’s lap and he ran his fingers through Sehyoon’s hair before clipping it away.  
„Sure, you’re free to do whatever you want,“ Sehyoon nodded, once again staring at Byeongkwan’s face from so close it made him go crazy. All he wanted to do was grab him and kiss him, and that was what he wanted to do most of the time, but even more so having the boy so close.  
„Yay,“ Kwan grinned, taking the foundation and getting started. He had a vision of Sehyoon in a really dark, winged kind of smokey eye and he was sure Sehyoon would look stunning in it. „I got a new palette today and I really wanted to try it.“  
„You always get something new, don’t you?“ Sehyoon chuckled, the younger one was always sending him pictures from makeup stores or of new packages he recieved. He couldn’t even wrap his head around how much makeup the younger man had, let alone how he could use all of it.  
„Well, there’s so much new stuff coming out all the time, and of course I have to try it, right?“ he nodded with a smile, finishing with his foundation before finally moving on to the eyes. „Close your eyes, please.“  
Sehyoon did as he was told, closing his eyes and letting the boy do whatever he wanted. It didn’t even take that long before he had to suffer with the mascara, and finally Byeongkwan put a tint on his lip, before being satisfied.  
„You look so pretty, Sehyoonie,“ Byeongkwan clapped, handing Sehyoon a mirror. He thought Sehyoon’s dark eyes were popping out even more with dark eyeshadow like that, and the tint he put on his lips made them look even more plumpy and delicious. Just about ready for some kissing.  
„Oh wow, that’s a lot,“ the older one laughed, looking at himself in the mirror. It looked really good, of course since it was Byeongkwan who did it, but it was a little too dark. Sehyoon wasn’t used to it at all.  
„Can I take a picture of you?“ Byeongkwan asked before taking his phone. He wanted to show people that he was playing with his new palette, so why not use Sehyoon for it. „Or a video? For my instagram story?“  
„Of course you can,“ as if Sehyoon could ever say no to Byeongkwan. Well, to most things anyway. He sat still as Byeongkwan recorded a short video, talking about the new thing he got and how Sehyoon sat being a model for him and that he loved it and definitely advises everyone to get it. He loved hearing the younger man talk about makeup, his eyes alway lit up and he just looked genuinely so excited and happy, Sehyoon couldn’t help but smile. It was really attractive when people were passionate about something, which Byeongkwan definitely was.  
„You look so good!“ Byeongkwan repeated, he couldn’t get enough. Of course he did his job well, but most of it was on Sehyoon and his gorgeous face anyway. He leaned in, running his fingers across Sehyoon’s face, still with a smile. „So pretty. My pretty Sehyoonie.“  
„Well, you did a good job,“ Sehyoon smiled nervously, but he didn’t pull away. He didn’t want to be the one doing it again, he didn’t want Byeongkwan to feel awkward or like he couldn’t touch him, because Sehyoon adored his touches, but he knew how dangerous they were.  
„It’s mostly you, trust me,“ Byeongkwan sighed, placing his hand on Sehyoon’s thigh, gently rubbing it. He couldn’t help it, he didn’t want to go for Sehyoon again, he was worried how it could affect their relationship, but he simply wasn’t strong enough to resist. Not when Sehyoon looked so good.  
„Byeongkwan, don’t,“ Sehyoon whined, knowing full well what was going through Byeongkwan’s mind at that moment, but he couldn’t pull away himself. It was getting harder every day and when Byeongkwan did something like this, his mind went blank.  
„Just a little,“ the younger one mumbled quietly, before leaning in and kissing the rapper. He didn’t want to keep avoiding something he wanted so badly, and even though he thought he could go longer than barely a week, apparently he simply couldn’t. He moved a little closer, his lips still against Sehyoon’s, and he let out a sigh when Sehyoon wrapped his hand around Byeongkwan’s neck, pulling him in to deepen the kiss, licking into the younger’s welcoming mouth.  
There were things Sehyoon was good at, but resisting this pink haired boy was certainly not one of them. He decided to enjoy it for a little bit, biting the younger’s lip to gain a little moan, and that sound alone made the rapper shiver. He continued for a while longer but when he felt Byeongkwan‘s hands, that were resting against his thighs, slowly moving higher, he broke off the kiss. Again.  
„Please don’t do this to me,“ he looked at the younger one before getting up from the couch, walking to the kitchen. For no other reason then to get away from Byeongkwan, which, obviously, didn’t work for very long since he followed him to the kitchen quickly.  
„Why not, Sehyoon? I won’t say it to anyone, I just... I want to...,“ Byeongkwan didn’t know what exactly he was getting at but he was tired of Sehyoon walking away from him every time they touched a little more than could be considered friendly.  
„Because I can’t. I can’t do this, Byeongkwan,“ he tried his best not to whine, turning around to look at the younger one. He really didn’t want to have this conversation.  
„But why? Don’t you... I know you want it. Don’t you?“  
„It’s really not about what I want,“ he laughed sadly, shaking his head. „Just... Please, I beg you, Byeongkwan.“  
„Is it because you are _straight_?“ Kwan asked, putting the last word into air quotes. He knew Sehyoon wasn’t that at all, and Sehyoon obviously knew it too, so he just didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t just... be together, frankly.  
„Stop. Please, I can’t fucking do this. Okay? I can’t, I’m sorry but I’m not... I won’t... I can’t,“ Sehyoon repeated, before walking past the younger one back to the living room, taking the whiskey bottle and drinking some more straight from it. Not like it was wise to get drunk with Byeongkwan around, but he was so frustrated.  
„I wouldn’t out you. Ever, I would never do anything to hurt you, Sehyoon,“ Byeongkwan spoke up again after a while of just standing there, watching the rapper drink an absurd amount of alcohol in one go.  
„There is nothing to out, okay? Stop fucking pushing me, Byeongkwan.“  
„Pushing? I’m not... I’m not trying to _push_ you, I just want you to know that I wouldn’t-“  
„This is bullshit, all of this,“ Sehyoon shook his head, sitting back down with the bottle still in his hand. He didn’t want to talk about any of it, but he really didn’t know how to change the conversation. And he didn’t want to keep telling Byeongkwan off either, but he couldn’t help it. His brain was programmed to do just that, after so many years of denying himself from feeling anything for a guy. Byeongkwan fucked that all up the first day they met though, and it was only getting worse.  
„I don’t want to—I don’t know what to say. I’m sorry, I won’t kiss you again. I promise,“ Byeongkwan sighed, sitting on the couch too, as far from Sehyoon as he could. „I’m sorry.“  
„Don’t fucking say that, Byeongkwan,“ Sehyoon whined, hating himself yet again. „Don’t apologize to me, you have nothing to apologize for. C-Can we just not talk about it?“  
„Of course. Okay,“ Byeongkwan nodded, leaning back and still keeping his eyes on the rapper. He wasn‘t sure what to say, if there was anything to say, but the awkward silence was even worse than the awful conversation they just had. Which, once again, didn’t conclude to anything. Sehyoon couldn’t even admit to him that he liked men, maybe Byeongkwan just expected too much.  
„So... do you wanna watch something now?“ Sehyoon asked, praying that Kwan would just agree and ignore the tension betweem them.  
„Sure. Brokeback mountain?“ Byeongkwan chuckled, and Sehyoon laughed at that too. He knew it was stupid, all that he was doing, but he couldn’t bring himself to get over what he was taught. Not yet, anyway. He wasn’t ready.  
„I don’t think I have that.“

The night was long, and it was weird for a moment still, but Byeongkwan eventually moved over to rest leaned against the rapper, and Sehyoon didn’t mind that at all, welcoming the pink haired boy close. By the end of the night, they were both lying in Sehyoon’s bed, his arms wrapped around the younger man, and he never felt better falling asleep. He knew how confusing it must’ve been for Byeongkwan, but he was too selfish not to get all the touches he could, without anything too intimate actually happening. He could live off of the cuddles and little touches, it wasn’t enough and it wasn’t what he wanted, but it was better than nothing.  
Byeongkwan was falling asleep that night more upset than he would admit. He didn’t know what more he could do, and maybe all the rapper needed was time, but how much of it? How much longer was Byeongkwan supposed to wait? It was hard to stay way from Sehyoon, but it was way harder being close to him and not being allowed to do what he wanted. Maybe it was time for Byeongkwan to give up.


	9. 9.

 

**Day 59 - Christmas**

It was Chrsitmas day. Sehyoon didn’t even realize it when he woke up, but he had a show taping that would air later that day and when they asked him how he was going to spend his Christmas, it finally clicked in his brain. It was Christmas. And he was about to spend it all alone. He was good at faking, so he came up with some lame, rapper answer about sexy girls and clubs without even blinking an eye, but he was hurt. Hurt that he had no family to celebrate it with and that he couldn’t get close to anyone he liked because of his image. He was always concerned and simply not happy about it, but the colder the weather got, the more he felt lonely.

„So, we’re done for today,“ Donghun annouced, sitting in a car with his friend. He couldn’t wait to get home and cuddle Yuchan to death, that was the only present he really wanted. He frowned a bit when he saw Sehyoon’s expression change, so diffent from how he looked on the set. „Are you okay?“  
„What?“ Sehyoon looked up, he wasn’t entirely listening, and he just nodded. „Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.“  
„Are you… do you have any plans for today, Sehyoon?“ Donghun asked and he was worried the answer would be no. He didn’t want his friend to be sad at that time of the year. Or any other time, actually.  
„I... sure. I’ll have some drinks and watch a movie or two and just chill. Yeah. It’s fine, Donghun. Really,“ he lied, smiling at his friend.  
„Do you wanna have some dinner with me and Yuchan, bro?“ Hun decided to ask, he could spend alone time with his boyfriend later, they both had the day after free, so he would be happy to help his friend not feel lonely. „Like, we will order a lot. There’s always a place for you at my table.“  
„No, Donghun, I wouldn’t want to invide your private time like that,“ the rapper shook his head quickly. „Seriously, I’m fine. I will be okay.“  
„What about... you know, Byeongkwan?“ Donghun asked, it’s been a while since Sehyoon has mentioned him and Donghun knew they were hanging out. But after the talk they had the month before, he couldn’t blame Sehyoon for not wanting to talk about him.  
„What about him?“  
„Are you  gonna be together today or?“  
„Of course not. He has to work, so we... no. We are not together, Donghun, if that’s what you want to know,“ Sehyoon clarified. He wanted to be with him more than anything, more and more every day they’ve spent together, but he was still being strong. As strong as he managed. They didn’t kiss or do too much besides cuddling, and he was very happy that Byeongkwan wasn’t trying to do anything again because every time Sehyoon had to reject the younger one, he saw the pain in his eyes and that simply hurt.  
„I didn’t ask that. I hope you’d come to me if you got together, right?“  
„Sure. Whatever.“

It wasn’t whatever. It was 9pm, he was sitting on his couch, alone, with a drink in his hand and he felt like crying. He was trying so hard not to be sad, but he couldn’t help it. He saw all the people on the streets, rushing to get home to their loved ones, buying the last couple presents, he imagined everyone just finishing their dinner and getting ready to talk about nothing, and he... he couldn’t relate. He wanted nothing more than to have someone he could be with, but he didn’t. Not someone – Byeongkwan. And it was breaking his heart so much he didn’t even have words to write a song, it was beyond words. He was good at writing about emptiness, and he wished he’d feel empty, but he felt full of sorrow and sadness and he couldn’t find the words that he could put on a paper.  
He was about to get another drink when his phone rang, and even though he didn’t want to answer, he just wanted to drown in his pain, he hoped hearing Byeongkwan’s voice might help, so he decided to pick up.

„Hey there,“ he spoke up softly, he was really not in the mood and he didn’t want to pretend like he was happy. He also didn’t expect Byeongkwan to call, since he said he’d be working until early morning. He would’ve cut back on the drinks if he knew.  
„Hello, Sehyoonie,“ the younger one answered with a smile in his voice, he was glad to hear the rapper’s voice. „How are you?“  
„Mhm,“ he shrugged, pouring a coke and rum into his glass. „So-so.“  
„Is everything okay?“  
„I’m just little lonely, it’s fine. Why are you calling? You’re on a break?“  
„No, I actually just finished. They decided to just cancel it because everyone wants to be with their loved ones, so I’m getting a taxi,“ he explained, kinda glad he didn’t have to work any longer. Nobody was in a good mood on the set, since nobody really wanted to be there on Christmas, so it was a pain in the ass.  
„Are you gonna see your parents, then?“  
„Oh no, that would take me like two hours to get there in this traffic,“ Kwan shook his head, and he thought about it for just a second before speaking up again. „Do you want me to come over? So you’re not alone.“  
„No, Byeongkwan, you really don’t have to do-“ he stopped talking when he heard Byeongkwan say his address to the taxi driver and he couldn’t stop his smile. „Okay then.“  
„I don’t wanna be alone either. And I have a present for you anyway,“ Kwan explained, and he didn’t think he’d see Sehyoon that evening but he still had his present with him. Maybe he was hoping, that if he’d still be up when Byeongkwan finished...  
„No, you have a present for me? Byeongkwan,“ Sehyoon whined, feeling like the worst friend ever. It didn’t even cross his mind to get something for the younger one. „We have to go shopping tomorrow, so I can buy you something too.“  
„It’s okay, I just wanted to get you something.“

It took Byeongkwan over half an hour, the traffic really wasn’t good, so by the time he got to Sehyoon’s place, the rapper was already pretty tipsy. Which he knew wasn’t good, so he decided he wouldn’t drink anymore right when he heard a knock on his door. He checked himself in the mirror, to make sure he looked okay, before opening the door.

„You really didn’t have to,“ he said, but he was actually very happy that the younger one did come. Spending the night with Byeongkwan was a way better plan than getting drunk and whining about how lonely he was. He still felt sad, because he couldn’t be with Byeongkwan the way he wanted to, but still – at least they were together.  
„I am doing it for myself, I didn’t want to be alone either,“ Kwan smiled, right away handing Sehyoon a big box, before following him to the living room. „I wasn’t sure what to get you, and if they’re the wrong size you can just return them.“  
„Thank you,“ Sehyoon mumbled, he didn’t want to get too soppy, and he sat down with the box, opening it. It was a pair of shoes, an expensive pair, and it was a pair Sehyoon has mentioned to the younger one before, that he’d buy it once he’d get a free day. „Byeongkwan... you shouldn’t have,“ he sighed, trying them on just to make sure they were the right size. Of course they were. He didn’t deserve such friend.  
„I wanted to make you happy,“ Byeongkwan said with a smile, chuckling at the rapper when he lost his balance while trying the shoes on. „Can I get something to drink too, or are you gonna be drunk alone?“  
„I’m not drunk,“ Sehyoon huffed, but he nodded. „What do you want? I have rum. And... water,“ he added, laughing and walking to the kitchen.  
„Sounds enough for a grog, then,“ Byeongkwan nodded, getting to prepare it himself. He was at Sehyoon’s kitchen before so he knew where everything was.  
„Grog?“  
„It’s basically warm rum with water and a lemon,“ he explained, preparing one for Sehyoon as well. The older one probably didn’t need any more, if he didn’t want to get wasted, but Byeongkwan didn’t mind Sehyoon being drunk. The drunker he got, the more okay he was with Kwan being, well, clingy. And touchy. And cuddly. He needed someone else’s warmth, and he prefered Sehyoon’s warmth over any other.  
„Do you want to get me drunk?“ Sehyoon asked when he was handed a cup, and Byeongkwan just stuck his tongue out in response.

About two hours went by and by that point, they were both sitting on the ground, leaning against the couch and watching the fire slowly burn in the fireplace, with a drink in their hands. Sehyoon came to really like Byeongkwan’s grog and he enjoyed it even more watching Kwan slowly get more and more red in the face as he kept drinking. He was the cutest thing, which Sehyoon knew already, but even more so when he was tipsy and his hair was a mess and Sehyoon couldn’t get enough of it.  
„Can I give you a massage?“ Byeongkwan suggested in the middle of their conversation, and Sehyoon couldn’t stop a chuckle.  
„What? Why?“ he asked, still with a smile. He wondered what was going through Byeongkwan’s mind at times, it was like he could jump from one thing to another in a second and wouldn’t even stop to explain himself.  
„I used to study it, before I moved to makeup,“ the younger one explained, finishing his drink before getting up, sitting on the couch and spreading his legs open. „Come,“ he grinned, pointing at the place in between his legs and Sehyoon’s stomach turned. He wasn’t sober enough to deal with Byeongkwan’s touchy hands.  
„You studied it? You wanted to be a masseuse?“ he asked with a laugh, following Byeongkwan’s wishes and crawling to him, sitting in between his legs.  
„Yeah, I chose it when I was a teenager and all I wanted to do then was touch men,“ Byeongkwan laughed at himself, pulling Sehyoon little bit closer before he slowly started massaging his shoulders and neck. „Uhh, you’re very tense, Mr Wow,“ he commented, trying his best to help with that.  
The rapper was fully aware of how tense he was and even though it might’ve been his muscles too, it was mostly his nerves. Byeongkwan’s hands felt good, so good that he had to bite his lip really hard not to groan when the boy went a little harder. He sat there in silence, letting Byeongkwan work on his muscles and he was trying his best not to make any weird noises, which sadly didn’t work for too long. He started breathing heavily, his eyes closed as he tilted his head. It simply felt too nice, Byeongkwan definitely knew what he was doing with his hands, and Sehyoon loved massages in general as well. He couldn’t help but feel relaxed, letting couple moans escape his mouth when the younger’s fingers digged deeper against his muscles.  
„Fuck,“ he whined, unintentionally, and he heard the other man giggle.  
„I think you need this more often, Sehyoonie,“ he pointed out the obvious, he knew how hard the rapper was working and a day to himself with a massage or just something to relax wasn’t something he had very often.  And Byeongkwan would be more than happy to take care of all of the rapper’s needs.  
„Mhmm,“ he more of a purred than answered, but he felt too good to open his mouth. And he wasn’t completely sure if it was the massage or simply Byeongkwan’s hands.  
Byeongkwan continued for quite a while, he more than just enjoyed all the sounds the older man was making, and with his head tilted back, his neck looked so long and so good. He didn’t want to put the rapper on the spot again, but his brain was fogged and Sehyoon looked too good and before he realized what he was doing, he was lening down, placing soft kisses against the vein on Sehyoon’s neck. He felt the rapper freeze but he didn’t want to stop yet, so he let his hands run up and down Sehyoon’s chest as he slowly moved with the kisses up the rapper’s neck, moving on to his cheeks and placing one soft kiss in the corner of his lips before pulling away, keeping his hands rest against Sehyoon’s chest.  
„Sorry,“ he said after a while of silence, not sure what else to say. He promised Sehyoon something and he really wanted to keep that promise, but it was too hard. He was going crazy over Sehyoon, he couldn’t stop thinking about him when they weren’t together and all he wanted to do when they were together was touch him and kiss him and feel him, and it didn’t matter how much his brain was screaming at him to stop, that it had no future, his heart was much louder.  
„It’s okay, Byeongkwan,“ Sehyoon nodded, turning around to smile at the younger man before getting up. „I will be right back,“ he added before leaving the living room, locking himself up in the bathroom and he had to breathe very slowly to calm himself down. Not only was he hard, which was ridiculous considering nothing even happened, but he also didn’t want anything more than to go back there and finish what Byeongkwan started. He knew it wasn’t good, he knew he shouldn’t have drank so much and he shouldn’t have felt the way he did, but the more he tried to find a reason not to get with Byeongkwan, the harder it was. There was really no reason other than his career and while Sehyoon cared about that dearly, he wanted to be happy far more. He stayed in the bathroom long enough to calm his crotch down, taking a deep breath and returning to the living room shortly after.  
„I’m really sorry, Sehyoonie, I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable,“ Byeongkwan said as soon as he saw Sehyoon approaching, and he was surprised by the older man not replying, he just walked over to the couch Byeongkwan was sitting on very calmly, sitting next to him and pushing him to lay down, which Byeongkwan did more than willingly, laying on his back with one of his legs hanging down from the couch making enough space for Sehyoon to crawl in between, hovering over the younger man, and he was just staring at him. He was using one of his hands to keep himself up, the other one slowly caressing Byeongkwan’s body and up and down. He just wanted to feel him, as much as he could.  
„I said it’s fine,“ he eventually spoke up, just before leaning down to finally kiss the pink haired boy again and he felt his heart hurt – that was exactly what it wanted. Byeongkwan. He whined against Byeongkwan’s lips when he felt his legs wrap around his hips and he deepened the kiss, his hand wrapped at the back of the younger’s neck as he was kissing him as slowly and deeply as he could. He didn’t want to think anymore, he just wanted to feel everything of Byeongkwan and the younger one wasn’t about to oppose to that, moaning when he felt Sehyoon grind against him, their crotches rubbing against each other, and he was taken aback by how the rapper was acting all of a sudden. He wouldn’t complain, but he wasn’t sure what got into him.  
Sehyoon kept kissing the boy under him, keeping his body pressed against the younger one, as he slowly kept moving his hips, creating some much needed friction aganst his cock, and judging by Byeongkwan’s groaning, he wasn’t the only one who needed that. He let one if his hands rest on Kwan’s neck to keep his mouth where he wanted it, his other hand slowly moving down in between their bodies, and he didn’t think twice before sliding it under the younger’s pants, gently squeezing his crotch when he finally got to it.  
„G-God, Sehyoon,“ Kwan whined almost too loudly, breaking their kiss to tilt his head back and take a deep breath. He was already shaking, and considering barely anything happened so far, he wasn’t sure he could last if anything more was about to happen. „What are you doing?“ he asked, and maybe he didn’t want to know the answer, but he had to ask. If it was to be just another of things Sehyoon would regret, he didn’t want it.  
„You?“ Sehyoon answered with a grin, feeling more brave than he probably should, and he kept kissing the younger’s neck as he slowly started rubbing Kwan’s dick through his underwear. He wasn’t quite sure what he was doing either, but he knew he couldn’t and didn’t want to keep holding back, not for one more second.  
„Please, I’m—fuck, please,“ he whined again, arching his back when Sehyoon went harder, he really wasn’t prepared for it, „Stop,“ he said, unwillingly, and he reached for Sehyoon’s hand to pull it out from his pants. He couldn’t do it, not until he knew Sehyoon was sure.  
„What?“ Sehyoon was a little surprised, sitting up on his knees and looking at the boy under him. „Did I do something wrong?“  
„I-I’m not sure you know what you’re doing,“ Byeongkwan said truthfully, he didn’t want to doubt Sehyoon but he knew he was drunk and taking advantage of that would be wrong, especially if Sehyoon would only throw one of his _let’s not talk about it_ in the morning again.  
„I’m perfectly sure, Byeongkwan,“ Sehyoon nodded, leaning down to kiss the younger one again. „Please, let me do this,“ he mumbled, his hands running under the younger’s shirt slowly pulling it up. Byeongkwan wanted to be strong but Sehyoon was making it pretty hard, so he lifted his arms, letting the rapper take his shirt off, and he quickly wrapped his arms around Sehyoon’s shoulders, pulling him closer.  
„Promise me you won’t regret it when you wake up,“ he sighed, looking into Sehyoon’s eyes, trying to find even a glimpse of doubt, but there wasn’t any. His eyes were dark, fogged with lust and something Byeongkwan didn’t want to call love, and he couldn’t resist that.  
„I promise,“ Sehyoon nodded, meaning his words, before connecting their lips again, grabbing Kwan’s thigh to keep him still and grinding against him again, moaning into Byeongkwan’s mouth.  
Before Byeongkwan even realized it, he was laying on the couch naked with Sehyoon above him, just as naked, and he was a mess. Sehyoon was touching and kissing every last inch of his body and if he ever doubted the rapper was gay, he didn’t anymore. He wanted to do more, he liked being in charge, but Sehyoon was surprising him with something every second, he couldn’t do much more besides moaning all over the room. His legs were wide open, it almost made him feel shy, and Sehyoon was making sure to brush against Kwan’s erection with his stomach as he kept kissing and licking every bit of the younger’s chest and neck, enjoying how vocal Byeongkwan was maybe too much. From the first time he heard the younger one moan, he decided it was the best sound ever made and he intended to make it come out as often as he could. He placed one more heated kiss against Byeongkwan’s lips and then slowly moved down, leaving a wet trail with his tongue down Byeongkwan’s chest and tummy. When he finally reached Kwan's cock, he licked the whole length up and down before taking it inside his mouth, so deep it made Byeongkwan scream. He took his time, licking every inch of his length, and when he started moving his head properly, he could feel Kwan shaking under him within seconds. He blidly moved his hand up, grabbing the younger’s arm and bringing it to his head. Byeongkwan understood that quickly, grabbing Sehyoon’s hair in his hand and pulling on it, lifting his hips to thrust into the rappers mouth. He still wasn’t sure what was happening, he just knew that the rapper’s tongue on his cock might’ve been the best thing that has ever happened to him, and he moaned his name loudly before thrusting his hips up again.  
„I-I can’t, Sehyoon,“ he whined, feeling on the edge already, and when he felt Sehyoon harshly suck on the tip of his erection, he didn’t even try to stop the loud screaming escaping his mouth. He looked down, watching himself disappear in Sehyoon’s mouth, which was so hot he wanted to film it - maybe next time. He kept his eyes on the older one as he started moving more, fucking himself into the rapper's mouth, faster and harsher as his climax quickly approached. He tried to warn Sehyoon again, but the rapper stayed right where he was and when Byeongkwan came, he swallowed as much of it as he managed, making sure to suck on his dick for couple more minutes, the younger one meanwhile calming his breath. He licked it almost clean, kissing Byeongkwan’s lower tummy, and he grabbed one of the shirts on the ground to wipe his mouth, then pulling himself up again, kissing the pink haired boy softly.  
„Good?“ he mumbled, feeling dumb for even asking, but he smiled when he saw Byeongkwan nod as quickly as he could.  
„I had... no idea you’re this skilled,“ Byeongkwan giggled, his cheeks flushed red, and he pulled Sehyoon in for more longer kisses, enjoying the rapper‘s body against his own, taking that time to calm down.  
„I hope you like surprises then,“ Sehyoon smiled, still pressed against the younger one as much as he could be, slowly rubbing his crotch against Byeongkwan’s thigh. He was almost painfully hard, which Byeongkwan quickly noticed, reaching his arm down to wrap his fingers around the rapper, moving his hand quickly from the beginning. He’d normally do more than just a lousy handjob, but he was too busy kissing Sehyoon and keeping him close to do anything but that.  
„I love surprises,“ he nodded, pressing his thumb against the top of Sehyoon’s dick, gently massaging it, doing his best to make the rapper feel at least half as good as he made feel Byeongkwan.  
Sehyoon was breathing heavily in no time, hiding his face against the crease of Kwan’s neck, biting on the soft skin harshly as he came, almost too easily, and he’d feel embarassed if he could only care. The only thing he cared about was how good Byeongkwan was, how beautiful his body was, how delicious all of him tasted and how much he wanted to have him properly. When he came back to his senses, he was quick to place gentle kisses against the spot he’s just bitten – too harshly, needless to say. He didn’t know what to say, so he just kept kissing the younger’s neck, his body still moving slowly, rubbing against the smaller one. He didn’t want nor expect anything more to happen that night but he wanted to feel the boy everywhere. For as long as he could, because he had a feeling once the morning would come, he wouldn’t think quite like how he did just then anymore.  
„I need a shower, Sehyoonie,“ Byeongkwan said quietly, he didn’t want to ruin the moment and he loved feeling the rapper against himself but he was sticky, most of Sehyoon’s load was all over his stomach and he wanted to clean all the sweat too.  
„Okay,“ the older one nodded, kissing Byeongkwan one last time before getting up, helping Byeongkwan do the same and leading him to the bathroom. He figured they can just take the shower together, there wasn’t anything to hide anymore anyway.  
He let the water run for a while so it’d get warm before stepping in, taking Byeongkwan’s hand to pull him inside too and he took the shower gel, washing the younger’s body. It was all slow, and quiet, and gentle, and Sehyoon’s heart was racing. He was afraid, so worried about the next day that he didn’t even want to go to bed, wishing they could just stay in the shower together forever. It would make everything so much easier.

They finally got to Sehyoon’s bed about an hour after. Sehyoon wanted to take time in the shower, spending most of it caressing Byeongkwan’s body and giving him lazy kisses, just to make him feel what he felt. Just so that Byeongkwan would know how much he wanted all of it and how much he appreciated him for letting Sehyoon do it.  
„Thank you, Byeongkwan,“ he said quietly, his face hidden against the younger’s neck as he was holding him from behind, pressed as close as he could be. The bed was warm, it smelled good and Sehyoon was... happy. Truly happy, having Byeongkwan in his arms, feeling Kwan’s skin against his own, it was all perfect. _Too_ perfect.  
„You’re very welcome,“ the younger one chuckled, turning his head just enough to get one more kiss from the rapper and he snuggled into his arms, falling asleep soon after.

They were both trying not to think about what the morning would bring, and just drown in the bliss of perfect Christmas.


	10. 10.

 

**Day 60**

When Sehyoon woke up the next day, it took a second before he realized what happened, and the second he could just hold Byeongkwan, blissfully unaware of the issues that were about to rise, that he’s caused to both him and Byeongkwan, it was beautiful. Sadly, his brain woke up soon, and he placed one more gentle kiss on the younger’s shoulder before quickly getting up, putting his clothes on and drivingto the office. He didn’t want to leave Byeongkwan alone, he knew there was nobody at the office anyway – it was the day after christmas, but he couldn’t stay. What would he say? He couldn’t act all lovey-dovey and he didn’t have answers for the questions Byeongkwan would ask.

He was sitting in the office, just reading articles and threads and blogs about him and about people speculating, and it was making him even more confused about everything. He’s found one post that was analyzing everything he’s done in the past two months. There were pictures of Byeongkwan in Sehyoon’s hoodies, his posts from his private instagram with Sehyoon’s comments, videos or pictures Byeongkwan posted about doing his makeup, and it all concluded to the writer saying they’re basically for sure dating and that incident in the club only confirmed that. It wasn’t a big post, it had around 20 comments and some were even calling it ridiculous, but it was enough for Sehyoon to know he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t face the world of people watching his every move around Byeongkwan, he wasn’t strong enough for that and he couldn’t put Byeongkwan through it while he wouldn’t be able to stand by his side. He couldn’t, he just couldn’t.  
  
„please come home,“ was a message he got before noon. Byeongkwan felt his heart break when he woke up in the bed alone, and he knew it’d happen. He was waiting for couple hours, hoping Sehyoon would come back on his own, but it was getting too lonely and he needed to know where he stood. Even though he had a feeling it wasn’t good, he still wanted answers rather than Sehyoon just disappearing.

It took Sehyoon another hour before he finally arrived home, he was dreading it so much that he was just driving in circles and hoping it would all just disappear. He didn’t want to regret what happened, but it was so difficult to feel happy when all that was on his mind was how disappointed Donghun would be, how much trouble he’d get in with his company, how many fans he’d loose... he was too weak to handle all of that. He never should’ve let it happen.   
When he got into the house, he went to the living room first, continuing to the bedroom when Byeongkwan wasn’t there. He opened the door to see Byeongkwan laying on the bed, still naked, his body only half covered with the blanket and it made Sehyoon’s mind go crazy all over again. He wanted to see that all the time, he wanted to come home to that every day. He was so in love with everything about the boy. Regardless of that, though, he knew he was about to loose it.

„Hi,“ he spoke up eventually, and it made Byeongkwan look up, quickly taking the blanket to cover himself properly. Not like there was anything on his body that Sehyoon didn’t see and touch the night before, but the atmosphere was very different.  
„Where did you go?“ Byeongkwan asked right away, and he knew he’d get some stupid excuse, but he wanted to see what exactly Sehyoon was going to say. He pretty much knew when Sehyoon was lying by that point, since he was doing it so frequently.  
„I went to the office. I just... needed to do some work,“ the rapper nodded, walking over to the bed to sit on the end of it, as far from Byeongkwan as he could. „You look beautiful,“ he had to say it, the boy looked etheral. Almost as if he was meant to be in Sehyoon’s bed.  
„Thank you,“ he mumbled, not able to fully process the compliment when he knew that something was wrong. He could see it on Sehyoon’s face. And he didn’t even kiss him when he came, of course he’d do that if he planned on keeping Kwan close, right? The pink haired boy was trying his best to prepare for what was about to come, but it was hurting so much already.  „Just say it, Sehyoon.“  
„Say what?“   
„Everything. That you regret doing it, that you’re _straight_ , that you didn’t mean for it to happen,“ he shrugged, looking at the man sitting in front of him. There was no point in Sehyoon trying to come up with some bullshit excuses.  
„I don’t... I don’t regret what happened, Byeongkwan,“ Sehyoon said quickly, it would be pretty difficult to regret something he’s wanted for so long and enjoyed to the last second. He came to that conclusion while driving circles in his car. „It’s just... I didn’t... It didn’t mean anything. We just helped each other out, right?“ He decided that’d be the safest way to play it – that it was just sex. Even if it was so much more than that, finally being able to touch Byeongkwan, kiss him properly, see the way he was looking at him... it was indescribable.  
„Why are you lying to me?“ the younger one spoke up again after a while of just looking at the rapper, trying so hard not to sob. Being told you don’t mean anything was much worse than if Sehyoon just said he regretted it. And Byeongkwan had to learn that the hard way. „I-I know you like me, why are you doing this?“  
„Look, I know I shouldn’t have lead you on like that, but it was just sex. I was horny and you were right there, that’s all. Of course I like you, but you’re my friend. Nothing more,“ he continued lying, his heart breaking as he was saying it, watching couple silent tears roll down Byeongkwan’s face.  
„I don’t do what we did with _friends_ , Sehyoon,“ he shook his head, not wanting to believe that Sehyoon would even say something like that. And he knew he was lying, that was the worst part. He knew Sehyoon was lying and he couldn’t do anything about it. He really didn’t want to cry, but he felt so stupid.  
„What did you do? You barely gave me a handjob, I-,“ he was interrupted by Byeongkwan slapping him so fast he barely blinked.  
„Fuck you, Sehyoon,“ he growled, wiping away his tears and getting up from the bed, grabbing the closest shirt and pants of Sehyoon‘s that he found, quickly dressing up. „Who do you think you are? You're pathetic,“ he added, taking his stuff and leaving as fast as he managed to. He couldn’t look at Sehyoon for one more second, he couldn’t listen to him spiting out all these awful things anymore.   
Sehyoon didn’t even try going after him, he knew it was what he deserved. He chose to fuck it all up, he decided not to keep his guards up, he was the one to blame. And Byeongkwan had every right to leave Sehyoon alone. He laid down, hiding his face against the pillow that Byeongkwan slept on, breathing in his scent as he tried to slowly make peace with the fact that he lost someone he’s loved more than anyone else ever before.

**Day** **82**

„Okay, everyone, stop,“ Donghun sighed, turning off the music and turning on the mic to talk to the rapper, who was in the recording booth. „Come here, Sehyoon,“ he said, before sending everyone away. He noticed there was something wrong with Sehyoon a while back but seeing him trying to record something was just painful to watch. It was even worse than the awful performances he was putting on lately and he was pretty sure he knew the reason of it, so there was no way he could avoid that conversation any longer.  
Everyone left the studio, with Sehyoon sitting down on the couch as soon as he came. He had no energy, he barely did anything besides drinking, not even sleeping properly, and he couldn’t be bothered to try and record a good song. What was the point? What was the point of anything anymore? Sometimes he felt too weak to even breathe and it was exactly what he deserved. Every time he saw Byeongkwan’s shirt, that he had folded on a chair, or when he saw Byeongkwan posting pictures on his instgram – from work, with his friends, whatever it was, and he saw all that he’s lost, he could barely get up from his bed. It wasn’t his first breakup, if you could even call it that, but for some reason it hurt more than anything ever before.   
„What?“ the rapper finally asked when Donghun kept just staring at him for what felt like an hour. It wasn’t surprising to him that his best friend noticed he wasn’t in his best condition, and he asked about it many times in the last couple of weeks, but Sehyoon always just shrugged it off. He didn’t want to talk about it, he didn’t want to talk about anything.  
„What’s wrong, brother?“ the older one sighed, sitting down on the couch next to his friend. „It’s Byeongkwan, right? What happened?“ he added, knowing fully well it was about the pink haired man. Sehyoon gave him a new song like two weeks ago, and it was more pain filled than anything he’s ever written until then, and he knew that the only person who could make him write something like that was Kwan.  
„Nothing,“ the rapper shrugged, looking at his own hands, avoiding eye contact with his manager. He didn’t want to face what he did. „We don’t talk anymore.“  
„Why? Sehyoon, please, talk to me,“ Donghun reached out to hold the younger’s hand, desperate to help his friend. He didn’t want to see him hurt and he shouldn’t have let it go for this long in the first place.  
„I don’t want to, Donghun,“ he said truthfully, finally looking up. It hurt to even think about it, let alone to say it out loud. He didn’t want his best friend to know what kind of piece of shit Sehyoon was. It was silent for a while, before he finally gathered to courage to speak. „He came over. Like, on Christmas. He was supposed to, um, work, but they finished early so he came. And we were talking and drinking and he gave me a massage and I just couldn’t... We slept together,“ he put in the simplest way possible, knowing the worse half of the story was still yet to come.  
„You fucked him?“  
„I mean, technically – no, but we did stuff,“ he nodded, looking away again.   
„Okay. And then?“ Donghun decided not to comment on that, it was Sehyoon’s decision after all and even if he thought it wasn’t the smartest one, from his manager point, he couldn’t be less than a friend for Sehyoon at that moment, so there was no time for preaching.  
„I told him it didn’t mean shit and he slapped me and left. And he didn’t answer me since then,“ he shrugged, gripping Hun’s hand in his as hard as he could. It was nice to feel support, any kind of it. „I-I didn’t want to let you down, Donghun, I just... I couldn’t fucking help myself, I’m so sorry.“  
„What? Sehyoon, look at me,“ he moved closer, lifting the younger’s head. „You have no reason to apologize to me, whatsoever. Okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.“ He felt like shit, for making his friend feel like that. For making him feel like he couldn’t be with someone just because he didn’t want to disappoint Donghun? That was messed up.  
„I tried to be strong, but I... I am not.“  
„Do you... do you love the boy, Sehyoon?“ he decided to finally ask, and he was pretty certain the answer was yes, but he wanted to hear it. He wanted Sehyoon to say it out loud.  
„I do. I am so in love with him,“ Sehyoon nodded, not thinking about it twice. If he doubted that he was in love before, after spending  three weeks apart, without any communication or anything else with Kwan, he was sure. And it was so stupid that all that had to happen for him to finally accept it.   
„Okay. You have to go to him, then. You have to apologize to him and explain that you fucked up.“  
„I can’t. He doesn’t wanna see me. I-I tried calling him and texting him and he just ignores me,“ Sehyoon sighed, still holding onto his friend’s hand. „Maybe it’s better this way. I hurt him, Donghun, I made him cry. I don’t deserve to have him.“  
„We all make mistakes, this isn’t anything you can’t fix. You just need to man up and be honest with him. If he feels the same way you do, he will forgive you.“ And he was pretty sure the pink haired boy was in love with his friend just as much as it was the other way around. He didn’t see them together that many times but from the times he did, he could see Byeongkwan’s heart eyes ad the gentle touches and the way he was simply talking to Sehyoon. Maybe it wasn’t safe for Sehyoon to get into that kind of a relationship but Donghun was for sure not going to tell Sehyoon not to go for someone he was in love with.  
„I don’t know. I don’t know if I can fix what I did.“  
„Sehyoon, you know all the shit Yuchan forgave me for, don’t you? That’s what happens when you love each other, no matter how much you fuck up, it’s never too late to fix it. Please, don’t let the boy get away from you.“  
„Okay,“ he finally nodded, after just thinking it over for a while.

Donghun was right, if it was meant to be, if Byeongkwan felt what Sehyoon felt, it was worth a shot. He would probably never forgive himself if he didn’t at least try.


	11. 11.

**Day 84**

„Hi,“ Sehyoon finally spoke up when he was just looking at the younger man for what seemed like hours, when he opened his door. He still wasn’t sure what he came to say or do, but he knew he couldn’t keep avoiding Byeongkwan any longer. The last couple of weeks were hard, needless to say, and he couldn’t go any longer without at least trying to save what he so wonderfully ruined. He couldn’t blame Byeongkwan if he just didn’t want to talk to him at all, but he was hoping he could listen.  
„Hey…“  
„Byeongkwan, I’m… I’m really sorry..,“ he said, still standing in the hall of the apartment complex and he was hoping that it wasn’t too late to try and repair what he did. „I’m so sorry.“  
„It’s fine, Sehyoon. So you’re _straight_ , there’s nothing we can do about it,“ Byeongkwan chuckled sadly, letting the door open as he walked back to his living room, sitting down. He didn’t want to fight with Sehyoon, or even be remotely rude, he just didn’t have the strength for it. He had enough time to try and recollect himself, so he was ready to talk to the rapper. Even though he stopped expecting Sehyoon to come after the first week. And he wanted to just forget and move on, but it seemed to be almost impossible.  
„We both know that’s not true,“ the rapper sighed, following the younger one and closing the door behind him. „I wish this was easier than just that, Byeongkwan, but it’s not. I can’t… if anything like this got out, can you imagine what would happen to me? To my career? My company?“  
„ _We_ don’t know anything, Sehyoon,“ he shook his head, looking at the older guy who was just standing by the couch. „If you came here to tell me I’m not worth having your career ruined over, you could’ve saved the trip. I know that.“  
„This… this is so not why I came here.“  
„Why, then? Look, Sehyoon, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you to deal with… your feelings, if you like men, but why did you… you didn’t have to drag me into this. You had no rights to hurt me like that, to say what you said...“ Even after the weeks, he was still so hurt by that. By the fact that Sehyoon would lie to him like that, knowing how hurt Byeongkwan would be. At least if he knew anything about Byeongkwan, he would know.  
„I know. I was trying... I was hoping that you could just forget it happened and we would move on like friends,“ he said truthfully, even though he knew it sounded dumb.  
„Friends? We are not friends, Sehyoon. Are we? Do you think of me as a friend?“ Because the rapper was definitely more than just a friend to Byeongkwan. And it was possible that he misinterpreted everything the rapper did as more than what it was, and maybe he did just see Byeongkwan as a friend. But either way, Byeongkwan simply wanted to finally know the truth.  
„I don’t,“ the older one shook his head, he couldn’t be further from thinking of the pink haired boy as a friend. „But it’s not... It’s so fucking hard, you have no idea how hard all of this is for me, Byeongkwan.“  
„I get that. I really, really do, but in that case we just can’t... stay friends, Sehyoon. I’m sorry, but I can’t,“ he shook his head, looking at the older man, and he didn’t want to loose him but he knew he’d never put himself through what he went through again. Not for Sehyoon, not for any man, not for anybody.  
„I couldn’t do that either,“ Sehyoon agreed, walking over to the couch and sitting down, right next to Byeongkwan, and he took the younger’s hand in his own. „I don’t want to be your friend, I couldn’t be. I know... I don’t expect you to forgive me, what I did was so fucked up and I was just thinking about myself and my career and I should’ve... if you let me, I’d love to make it up to you.“  
„Why? You said this could ruin your career, right? Why would you wanna risk that?“ Byeongkwan stood up from the couch, taking a deep breath. He didn’t even know what he wanted to hear, but he needed to know.  
„Because I love you, Byeongkwan. And I’m really sorry, it shouldn’t be like this, I just-“  
„You what?“ Byeongkwan blinked, not being sure he heard right.  
„I love you. II’m so in love with you, and I’m so sorry for putting you through all this. I understand if you don’t want me to-“ he was cut off by Byeongkwans lips against his own, and he didn’t want to fight it at all, this time or any other time to come. He stood up, wrapped his arms around the younger’s waist, bringing him closer and deepening the kiss that the younger boy inisiated. He whined when he felt Byeongkwan’s fingers intertwined in his hair, running his hands lower to grab the younger one under his booty and lift him up, and Byeongkwan wrapped his legs around his waist almost too naturally, as if they did it before. Sehyoon was holding him firmly, kissing him so desperately he could cry and when he finally broke off the kiss, it was just to take a breath and look around.  
„Bedroom?“ Byeongkwan suggested, his face flushed red from both the kissing and also from the sheer pleasure Sehyoon’s tongue was doing to his mouth. He didn’t want to wait any longer, he was so ready to feel everything the rapper had to offer. Sehyoon just nodded, still holding Kwan in his arms as he walked towards his bedroom. He’s been there before, but he never really thought he would be going there for the purprose to be with Kwan. He was hoping it would happen and he had dreams about it, but he thought it would stay exactly that – a dream.  
He gently put Kwan on the bed, hovering over him, and he was just admiring his view as his hands caressed the younger’s whole body, from his thighs up his tummy and chest and back down. He took his time just staring, before he finally took off his own shirt, pulling Kwan’s up to do the same. He wanted to be soft and slow and just appreciate every inch of Byeongkwan’s body, to make up for the shit he said and did to him.  
„I love you too, Sehyoon,“ Byeongkwan whispered, he had to say it. He just laid there, not doing anything, letting Sehyoon take his time and do whatever the older one wanted. Kwan would normally like being in charge, but the pure love in Sehyoon’s eyes made him rethink that real quick. It was Sehyoon’s night, he was the one to guide anything and everything that was about to happen, Byeongkwan knew he had to give him that. And he didn’t mind it at all either, the last time he let Sehyoon take the lead, it turned out to be a pretty good night for him. If only the morning after was as nice.  
Sehyoon didn’t answer, he decided to lean down to connect their lips again, his hands making their way down the younger’s body. He pulled away just enough to take off Kwan’s underwear (thankfully he wasn’t wearing anything else), and he whined when he saw Byeongkwan already getting hard. He placed one more kiss against Kwan’s lips before moving down, leaving wet kisses all over the youngers body, licking the delicious skin of the younger one, and he stopped right before reaching Byeongkwan’s cock, looking up at the younger boy who was visibly trembling. He looked too good.  
„If we do this… there’s no going back, Byeongkwan. I won’t give you up, ever,“ he said, as softly as he managed, just making sure once more. He didn’t want to get hurt, and he decided long time ago that if he were to fall in love again, that would be it. It would be a forever thing, or nothing at all. But he also honestly didn’t think he’d ever fall in love, not this hard, not this quickly.  
„I want to be yours,“ Kwan nodded as quickly as he could, not doubting that for a single second.  
Sehyoon just smiled, kissing Kwan’s tummy before finally wrapping his hand around his length, leaning in to lick the head and taking it in his mouth right after. His own cock twitched just from that, he was really horny after all the months of celibacy and handjobs from himself (well, and one from the pink haired boy), and having Byeongkwan in his mouth was oh so wonderful. He smirked for himself when he heard Byeongkwan groan loudly, the younger one unconsiously thrusting into Sehyoon’s mouth. He was gripping the bedsheets in his hands, trying his best to not do too much but Sehyoon’s tongue was doing wonders on him. It was definitely something he wanted to get used to, feeling it even more the second time around. He had his eyes shut tight, enjoying what was happening with every last cell of his being.  
The older continued just that for quite some time, and right when he felt Kwan was loosing it, he pulled away, gaining an unsatisfied whine from the younger man, and he had to smile at that. Kwan was cute when he was needy.  
„Turn around, babyboy,“ Sehyoon ordered, and Kwan was taken aback a little bit, he wouldn’t expect Sehyoon to take the lead like that, but he wasn’t complaining at all. He quickly did as he was told, turning around to lay on his back, and he reached to his nighstand, to get the lube. Just in case. Sehyoon took that little bottle right away, he appreciated that Kwan was ready, and he placed it next to himself for the time being. He wanted to enjoy every part of Byeongkwan’s body, to make up for how rude he was that other night, and he was hoping he didn’t forget how to do all the sex stuff. He slowly started placing kisses across the younger’s shoulders, down his his spine, until he reached his ass where he took the extra time, kissing and licking every inch of it. He’s alway been an ass man, obviously, and boy, did Byeongkwan have a good one. He grabbed Kwan’s cheeks, to pull them apart just enough to have the space to lick into the younger‘s body, and that gained him a rather loud yelp from the boy that was trying his best to keep himself up on all four, but it was getting very difficult very quickly.  
„A-Are you really gonna do that?“ he whined, turning his head just to see Sehyoon’s face burried in his ass and he thought he might just die from that. He whined again, letting his arms give up as he collapsed and hid his face against his pillow. Sehyoon was holding him firmly enough so that his booty was still up and Sehyoon was rather enjoying the effects his tongue had on the younger one. He took his time, licking inside the little hole slowly, and when he couldn’t get his tongue any deeper, he added his finger – gently enough not to hurt the other one, but it still made Byeongkwan scream. Sehyoon wasn’t the only one who didn’t have sex for ages, and even though Sehyoon was very careful, Byeongkwan already felt sore. He tried his best to relax, and Sehyoon was slowly massaging his hips which definitely helped. Enough for Sehyoon to add a second finger, and Byeongkwan cried out when the rapper finally brushed against the little spot inside of him.  
„Oh. There, huh?“ Sehyoon smiled, pulling away to look at the younger one, and he continued moving his fingers, spreading them ever so gently every time Byeongkwan’s body loosened from the pure pleasure it got from that little spot. He enjoyed Kwan’s taste, but seeing him in the pleasure was so much more satisfying. „Can we do one more, baby?“ he asked, not being sure if it was time for lube or if Byeongkwan could take more.  
All he got in response was a whine and he decided it wasn’t confirming enough, pulling his fingers out as gently as he possibly could, and taking the little bottle of lube he got from Kwan earlier. He quickly coated his fingers in it, rubbing it to make it warm, before returning his fingers inside the younger man and finally adding that third one, leaning down to kiss all across Byeongkwan’s back. He was already shaking himself, way too excited to finally feel the other’s body properly, but he wanted to be sure everything would go smoothly first. And seeing Kwan being a moaning little mess was very much rewarding on its own, making Sehyoon’s dick even harder.  
„Sehyoon, please... jesus,“ Byeongkwan begged, he couldn’t take much more and Sehyoon’s fingers were heavenly, but he wanted more. He waited long enough, it was time for him to be full of the older man.  
„What, baby? Tell me, what do you want me to do?“ Sehyoon mumbled, pressing his fingers against Kwan’s spot as harshly as he could, and the younger one screamed both from the pain and pleasure mixing.  
„Just fuck me, please,“ Kwan specified, he was very much not ashamed to voice his wishes, and he would normally just make them come true himself too, but... maybe next time.  
„Yeah?“ Sehyoon grinned playfully, once against pushing against Kwan’s prostate, and the younger one was seeing stars.  
„Sehyoon, I will cum,“ he warned him, breathless already, and Sehyoon took that as an order. He pulled his fingers out, kissing his booty once more before grabbing his hips and turning him around. He leaned down, wrapping his hand around Kwan’s neck and kissing him so hungrily it took both of them by surprise. Sehyoon really wasn’t usually this dominant, but he wanted to show Byeongkwan how he was feeling and how much he wanted him, and he was simply better with actions than with words, so he was hoping Byeongkwan felt all he wanted him to feel.  
„Come on, I’m so ready,“ Byeongkwan invited the rapper to do it, again, and he spread his legs as widely as he could, lifting his hips to brush his own erection against Sehyoon’s.  
„You’re so fucking beautiful, Byeongkwan,“ Sehyoon growled deep in his throat, kissing the younger one again as he grabbed his hips, lifting him up just enough to have the space to position himself, and Byeongkwan was quick to help, holding himself up, before he felt the tip of Sehyoon’s cock get pass his entrance, and at that point he lost all strength, letting go and taking all of Sehyoon in. It felt very full, and it wasn’t the most comfortable, but Byeongkwan felt wonderful. And he was sure Sehyoon was about to make it comfortable for him really quickly.  
Which, Sehyoon did. He kept their lips connected, massaging Kwan’s hips, as he slowly pulled out and in again, letting the younger one know what to expect, and he hardly held back a moan. He was so long without an ass that he could cum just from that one motion, but with all his willpower - he didn’t. He didn’t move again until Byeongkwan did first, moving his hips a little to let Sehyoon know he was ready for more, and Sehyoon was about to give it to him. He positioned himself to have enough space to thrust, and he finally did, properly, for the first time, thrusting as deep into the younger’s body as he possibly could, making them both groan in unison.  
Sehyoon still couldn’t quite believe it was happening, that he was making love to the boy he was lusting and loosing his mind over for the past three months, and it was a billion times better than all his wet dreams about Kwan combined. Holding him in his arms, seeing the pure bliss on his face and knowing he was the reason for that bliss, it made Sehyoon... happy. Happier than he thought he could ever be, and it made him forget about anything and everything that made him not do this way earlier. He moved one of his hands up from Kwan’s hips, intertwining figers with Kwan‘s hand that was above his head, and he kept his face just inches away from Byeongkwan’s, wanting to see every little twitch and drop of sweat on the younger’s face. He wanted to remember every last thing.  
„Faster, Sehyoon,“ the younger one begged, trying to move faster himself but with most of Sehyoon’s weight on him, he couldn’t. „Please.“  
„Let me enjoy you, baby,“ Sehyoon shook his head, kissing the younger one quickly, and he did speed up a little bit, but he was still painfully slow, painfully intense for the both of them.  
„You can enjoy me for the rest of the night, just... please, make me come now,“ he begged again, wrapping his legs around Sehyoon’s waist, making him slip all out and he whined from how sensitive his hole felt. And knowing it wasn’t even close to the end yet, at least if he had any say in it, made him feel even more excited. Sehyoon quickly thrusted back into him, and he decided to listen to the younger’s wishes, speeding up even more, making each thrust deeper and harder, hitting Kwan’s spot with every move.  
It didn’t take long before Sehyoon came first, filling Byeongkwan so beautifully, and the younger one followed after couple more thrust, cumming just as harshly. And, to Sehyoon’s liking, very loudly. Sehyoon decided that hearing the pink boy moan in pleasure was definitely the best sound that existed.  
„Fuck,“ Sehyoon breathed out when he finally gathered enough oxygen in his lungs to speak, laying on top of the younger boy, still so deep inside of him. It felt like home and he never wanted to pull out.  
„I know,“ Byeongkwan answered, gigling a little, running his hands up and down Sehyoon’s back to calm the older one down. The waiting was long, but it was definitely worth it. It was better than Kwan could ever imagine it to be, and he was pretty certain by that point that he had to have that again. And soon, too.  
„You’re amazing,“ the older one added, lifting himself up just enough to be able to place the softest of kisses on Kwan’s lips, gently brushing his fingers across his cheeks, looking at the boy under him. God, he was so in love it was crazy.  
„Me? I just laid here,“ he giggled again, returning the soft kiss. „I finally understand why they call you King Wow. Because... wow, you’re a king at this,“ he continued, and he gained a chuckle from the older one. Sehyoon didn’t want to, but he finally slipped out from the younger’s body, rolling over to lay next to him.  
„So... I’m gay. Just so you know officialy,“ he mumbled, feeling stupid for even saying that – as if it wasn’t obivous, but he just wanted to make sure that Byeongkwan knew everything, mostly the stuff that Sehyoon lied about.  
„Are you? I thought this was your first time,“ Kwan teased the other one, turning on his side to get closer to him, putting his leg across the older’s body and burying his face against his neck. Sehyoon smelled so nice, he smelled like sex and like Byeongkwan, and it was such a beatiful smell.  
„I’m sorry that I lied to you, Byeongkwan. I don’t know what I was trying to do, I guess I just... I hoped that if you thought I was straight, you wouldn’t... you know, want to do _this_. I really didn’t want to hurt you, seeing you cry is the worst thing that’s happened to me ever,“ he admitted, and he still felt like shit, even though the smile was not disappearing from his face. It was hard to look sad when he was really happy to be where he was.  
„I just wish you’d tell me earlier. And I’m sorry too, I was... I was pushing you into something you didn’t want to do, I had no right to do that,“ Byeongkwan sighed, placing kisses across Sehyoon’s chest. He could stay in the bed like that with Sehyoon forever.  
„You weren’t pushing me. I’m just a fucking idiot. I really thought I could just not fall in love with you,“ he chuckled, rolling his eyes at himself. That was very silly of him. „I didn’t want to deal with all this shit, to be honest.“  
„Excuse me?“ Byeongkwan frowned, pulling away. „Deal with all this shit?“  
„I don’t mean you, baby,“ Sehyoon quickly shook his head, looking at the younger one. „I mean... I can’t give you what you deserve. I can’t come out, and I was trying so hard to avoid this because I don’t wanna hurt you by denying you,“ he explained, sighing loudly. He didn’t even know if Byeongkwan really wanted to be with him, but if he did, Sehyoon already felt horrible for the stuff he’d be putting him through.  
„I know. I don’t expect... I didn’t think you would come out just because we fucked. I wouldn’t pressure you into anything like that, I know your life is difficult. And I just wanna make it easier, at least a little bit.“  
„I would come out if I could, but... fuck, my career would be over,“ he laughed sadly, it was all so ridiculous. The fact that people would not support him just because of something he was born with, just because he loved men. He wished things would be different, he wished he could show the world how beautiful the boy he was in love with was, but he simply couldn’t.  
„I know. It’s okay, Sehyoonie,“ Kwan tried to reasure him, and he didn’t know what else to say. He truly couldn’t know what Sehyoon was about to experience, but he hoped he could be at least a little bit of a help.  
„I love you so much, it makes me crazy. I’ve never felt something like this before,“ Sehyoon admitted, he really wasn’t used to feeling something like this after knowing someone for such a short time.  
„I love you too,“ Byeongkwan whined, he loved hearing Sehyoon say that, and he rolled over to lay fully on the older man before kissing him some more. Showing love was easier than explaining it.


	12. 12.

**Day 91**

Couple days went by and Sehyoon still couldn’t believe how lucky he was. He had to work quite a lot in the past week, but every time he came home, he had someone waiting for him there and it was such a beautiful feeling he couldn’t even describe it. He was still keeping it a secret from Donghun, he wanted to have Byeongkwan on his own for some time – even though Donghun definitely noticed the change in the rapper, how much happier he seemed, but he wanted Sehyoon to come up to him and tell him on his own terms.  
Sehyoon came home kinda early that day, around 6pm, and he smiled right when he opened the door. The whole apartment smelled like delicious food and when he came into the kitchen and saw Byeongkwan actually cooking himself, he almost melted right at the spot.

„Hello, baby,“ he smiled, walking over to the younger one to kiss him, messing with his hair a little before looking at the stove. „Are you really cooking for me?“ he asked, still not sure if all that was happening was even real. How did he ever deserve to get such a man?  
„Hi,“ Byeongkwan returned the kiss quickly, before looking back at what he was cooking. „It’s just bibimbap, nothing fancy. I wanted to surprise you,“ he added, checking the rice. He quite liked cooking and he never really cooked for Sehyoon, so it was time for him to fall in love with Byeongkwan even more. A way to a man’s heart led through his stomach, after all.  
„How nice of you,“ Sehyoon grinned, slapping the younger’s butt before sitting on a chair, taking off his hoodie. „How was work today?“  
„Good! The lady was actually a huge fan of you so I got to talk about you for most of the day,“ Byeongkwan chuckled, filling up the hotpots with what he cooked, making sure to give Sehyoon enough meat. He wanted to make Sehyoon gain a little bit more weight, he was working out too much so he needed a lot of food. Byeongkwan liked his man thick and meaty.  
„Oh no, really?“ Sehyoon laughed, his mouth already watering. A man that could cook was definitely something Sehyoon liked very much, let alone when he looked as good as Byeongkwan did. „Did you talk shit about me?“  
„I’d never!“ Byeongkwan grinned, bringing both pots to the table, putting one in front of Sehyoon and one for himself, going back for some water to put on the table before sitting down. „She was asking me how you are at work and if you didn’t think the makeup was too much and all that. I was praising you to no end, love,“ he nodded. The lady was very nice, Byeongkwan enjoyed when he had something to talk about with his clients.  
„Well, that’s very nice of you,“ Sehyoon leaned in to kiss the pink haired boy before taking the chopsticks and digging in. He didn’t doubt Byeongkwan for a second but it tasted even better than he expected. „And thank you for the meal, it's delicious,“ he added, already looking if there was enough for him to have another round later.  
„I’m glad you like it,“ Byeongkwan smiled happily, he tried very hard to make sure it was good so he was glad all his hard work didn’t go to waste. „Well, she was also asking me if I know about any of your _girlfriends_ , because her friend is like in love with you.“  
„Yeah, I guess you have to get used to it, baby. People always ask me that, so if you continue being my, um, makeup artist guy, there will be people coming to you about this. About all other stuff, too. Fuck, I’m so sorry. It will get annoying,“ Sehyoon sighed, he really didn’t want Kwan to have to deal with all that shit but the more people will see him around, the more they will ask. And probably not only questions about women, but about him as well.  
„It’s okay, Sehyoonie. I don’t mind, I know I’m not supposed to say anything so I won’t,“ he smiled, slowly eating the food. He wanted to be as much of a support as he could, even if he knew there would be some situations he’d be very uncomfortable in. Such as all the DMs and comments he was still getting, even though he barely ever posted anything with Sehyoon. Oh well.  
„We will have to talk to Donghun soon. He has to, you know... know about us. Just in case,“ he wasn’t exactly thrilled about it because he knew they’d both get a lecture and it was never fun, but to be safe, Donghun had to know. If anything happened, it’d always fall on him first.  
„Okay, that’s fine. Do you think he will be upset?“  
„I hope not. He is the one who told me to go after you, it’d be weird if he was upset that I did,“ the rapper shrugged, he believed his best friend would be happy about his happiness.  
„Really? He told you that?“ Byeongkwan smiled, looking at the man in front of him. That was good to know, that Sehyoon was perhaps talking about him? It felt nice to know that.  
„Well, yeah. You know, after... when you were, um, ignoring me, I wasn’t exactly... performing as well as I usually do, so he was worried about me. And after I told him what happened, what I did, he told me that if I love you, I shouldn’t give up on you,“ he nodded, very glad he actually talked to his friend about it because he wasn’t sure he’d gather the courage he needed if they didn’t talk about it.  
„I’m sorry, I didn’t want to make you suffer,“ Byeongkwan sighed, even though it was a little bit of a lie. It was kinda nice to see Sehyoon desperate, but looking back now, he shouldn’t have done it for so long.  
„I deserved it, Byeongkwan. I also wrote a song, when I was... unhappy, so good for my discography too,“ he added with a smile, knowing he’d most likely release the song since Donghun liked it so much, so he would probably know about it eventually anyway.  
„Can I hear it?“  
„It’s not recorded, but once it is... It’s really, like, tragic though. I’m very melodramatic when I feel bad,“ he chuckled, he knew it was good for his career to be the way he was but in the normal day life, it could be considered a little too much.  
„Okay,“ Kwan nodded, slowly finishing his food. If the song was anything like the texts Sehyoon was leaving on his phone, he could imagine it wasn’t the happiest song, so it was probably better if he didn’t hear it right away. It was all so new still and he wanted to stay in the happy place for as long as possible.  
„Isn’t this... nice?“ the rapper spoke up after a while of just chewing sounds, looking at the other one. He really loved just sitting by the table, dining, having a conversation with Byeongkwan. It felt like it was supposed to be, like that was what Sehyoon was really looking for this whole time. Byeongkwan completed everything.  
„What do you mean?“  
„Just... this. Sitting here with you, eating... I just... you know?“  
„Aww, Sehyoonie, you’re a big softie, aren’t you?“ Byeongkwan grinned, taking the rapper’s hand in his own. „It’s very nice. I love being with you,“ he nodded, it was definitely nice. He had relationships before but none of them ever felt so... natural.  
„I’m happy. Really, really happy,“ Sehyoon had to say it, just to make sure Byeongkwan knew it. After all he put him through, he wanted to make sure that he’d never doubt how much it meant for Sehyoon that he gave him one more chance that he hardly deserved.  
„Me too,“ Byeongkwan nodded, putting away his chopsticks to walk over the table, putting away Sehyoon’s too and sitting on his lap, wrapping his arms around the older’s neck. „I’m very happy,“ he added, leaning in to connect their lips in a slow, soft kiss. He would never expect to end up where he did, he had to walk through hell and back to get there, but he would do it again in a heartbeat. Having Sehyoon close, being able to kiss him and touch him and feel the love Sehyoon held for him, it was so precious to him. And he knew there was so much stuff they’d still have to go through, so he wanted to enjoy the peace they had for as long as he could.  
„You taste like... bibimbap,“ Sehyoon laughed when they finally broke the kiss, slowly running his hands up and down the younger’s back.  
„You’re so romantic, Sehyoonie,“ he rolled his eyes, kissing the rapper once more before getting up. „I’m done, but you eat some more. You’re too skinny,“ he grinned, sitcking his tongue out before taking his empty hotpot to put it in the sink. He definitely got used to moving around in Sehyoon’s flat very quickly, which wasn’t surprising considering he spent every day of the last week there.  
„I have to maintain my look, baby. You can’t feed me these goodies every day,“ the rapper shook his head, even though he liked the food very much, if he gained too much weight, Donghun wouldn’t be happy. He had it easy compared to other people in his company, since he was a rapper, but there were still certain expectations he had to uphold.  
„We’ll see about that.“

Later that night, Byeongkwan was lying curled up on the older one on the couch, they were watching some movie, when he realized he had a question.  
„Sehyoonie?“ he looked up, already grinning from ear to ear.  
„Yes?“  
„I want you to meet Junhee tomorrow,“ he said, and he was really excited about it. He still didn’t tell his best friend that him and the rapper somehow got together, so he was really excited to finally let him know and introduce them. It was very important to him to have his best friend know someone he was involved with.  
„I have the concert tomorrow, baby. Did you forget?“ Sehyoon shook his head. He was honestly pretty scared to meet anyone. Not only because he didn’t know the boy so he couldn’t really trust him, but also because he was always so akward when meeting new people.  
„I know. I want to invite him to come with me. Please, it’s so important to me, I want you two to meet,“ Byeongkwan said, trying his best to do his puppy eyes, leaning in to place soft kisses on the rappers‘ neck. „Please.“  
„Mhmm, this is unfair, Byeongkwan,“ he whined, having chills on his body already. Byeongkwan learned to find the rapper’s soft spots really quickly, because kissing, biting, licking, whatever that had anything to do with the neck, Sehyoon was going crazy because of it. „Isn’t it too early? To, like, meet your friends?“  
„Early? Why?“ Byeongkwan frowned, pulling away to look at the older one again. „You said this is forever, didn’t you? That you won’t let me go, that I’m yours?“ he raised his eyebrow. He wasn’t really doubting that Sehyoon meant it, but it was cute when he was sweating. After all those time Byeongkwan did, it was definitely the blonde man’s turn.  
„Of course. I do want that,“ he nodded quickly, pulling Byeongkwan closer again to kiss him. „You are mine. Okay, how would you introduce me then?“  
„I don’t know. My boyfriend?“  
„Am I your boyfriend?“ Sehyoon asked, feeling 15 again, but he felt like sooner or later they’d have to have that conversation anyway. And on his part, that was no doubt at all that he wanted it.  
„Do you want to be?“ Byeongkwan grinned, licking the older’s neck to gain yet another whine.  
„I do,“ he didn’t hesitate at all, he wanted to be Byeongkwan’s and he wanted Byeongkwan to be his.  
„Okay then. So I will introduce you as my boyfriend,“ the younger one smiled brightly, continuining to pay attention to the rapper’s neck, kissing and licking every last inch of it, slowly masagging his thighs with his hands as he was kneeling over the rapper by that point.  
„Mhm, that makes you my first ever official boyfriend,“ he chuckled, it was little ridiculous that the first real relationship he was ready to have was happening when he was 25, but it was never too late, right?  
„That’s right, I completely forgot!“ Kwan quickly looked up, siting on Sehyoon’s lap with his legs spread, his hands running up and down across Sehyoon’s chest. „How does it feel to have a boyfriend?“  
„I never felt better,“ the rapper smiled, leting his hands rest on Byeongkwan’s hips, just looking at the boy. He could stare at him forever.  
„Tell me more about the boy you dated in uni. Why didn’t that work out?“ Byeongkwan thought it was time to maybe know a little more about Sehyoon’s dating history, since he could finally be honest. And hopefully, he _wanted_ to be honest.  
„Well, I told you. I wasn’t ready to have anyone, um, special in my life. Back in uni, I just started working with Donghun on the album, and the guy was just.. He was ready to be open about us, you know? Like, he wanted to hold hands and post coupley pictures and I just wasn’t... I can’t... I couldn’t do it. And it was something that he wasn’t able to get over, so we eventually broke up. But it was just two months or something, like I said, so I wasn’t too invested.“  
„Were you ever... did you ever love someone, Sehyoon?“ he asked, still carresing the older’s chest, trying to comfort him since he knew it probably wasn’t something Sehyoon was used to talking about. But Byeongkwan couldn’t help himself, he wanted to know everything he could about the rapper.  
„I am not sure. I think I was in love before, but I never really... it never got to that point. I never told anyone that I loved them. Well, except for you,“ he smiled sligthly, leaning up to kiss the man sitting on his lap. He never felt like it was the right person, so yes he was smitten and he was attracted to a lot of people before, but he never felt something as strong as he did with this pink haired boy.  
„So I’m your first, huh?“ he grinned, cupping the older’s face in his hands to place more kisses on his lips, licking into his mouth just for a second before pulling back again. „I really only had one real relationship, so I’m not exactly skilled in this either. We can learn together.“  
„Yeah? How long were you with that... other man?“ Sehyoon asked, it was his turn to know more. They always talked a lot about a lot of stuff, but Sehyoon avoided the topic of love and relationship as much as he could. So even though he knew a little bit about Byeongkwan’s dating history, it wasn’t exactly detailed.  
„Uhhh, little over four years,“ Byeongkwan nodded, scratching his head. It was definitely a real relationship, even though it didn’t end too well. „I had, like, other things with people, couple months here and there, but yeah, this one was the longest. And the one I really thought I loved him.“  
„Shit, what? _Four_ years? Damn,“ Sehyoon laughed, he didn’t expect it to be so long. But at the same time, it was probably normal at Kwan’s age to have normal experience with dating. Not everyone was so behind, like Sehyoon was.  
„Yeah, we were together since I was 16 and we broke up a month after I turned 20. He was two years older and he decided that he spent all his good years with me, and he wanted to experience more. So first he cheated on me and then he dumped me,“ he chuckled, it wasn’t a fun subject but it was more than three years by that point and he got over it eventually. „I really hope you had enough experience.“  
„I’d never do something like that,“ Sehyoon quickly shook his head, he would never cheat. That was the lowest of lows in his opinion, cheat on someone while they wait for you at home. It was so unnecessary. „How many... can I ask you how many people you’ve slept with? Is it too private?“  
„Sehyoon, we’re dating, we’re in a relationship, right? You can ask me whatever you want,“ the younger one smiled, kissing Sehyoon quickly, before answering. „That four years guy was my first one, after that I slept with... I think three. Yeah, three people. And I messed around with one more for quite some time, but we never actually slept together. And, well, now you,“ he nodded, playing with the older’s hair. He would ask Sehyoon the same question, but he was pretty afraid the answer would be a little too high.  
„Okay,“ he nodded, running his hands under the younger’s shirt to rub the skin on his hips, pulling him a little closer. „I know what you’re thinking, but I didn’t fuck _that_ many poeople,“ he added, laughing a little.  
„Really? How many, then?“  
„I think, like, 10. Maybe 11, but definitely not more than that. Donghun would always bring me someone, but I rarely actually sleep with someone. I was also a virgin until I was like 18, since I was always so worried about... everything. My parents mostly. Even when I moved here, it was... it just always plays in your head, all the stuff they used to tell me.“  
„So the issues you have with them are because you like men?“ he had to ask even though it was pretty obvious by that point that it was defnitely the reason. And Byeongkwan felt his heart breaking for the rapper, if his parents hated such a big part of who he was.  
„Yeah, they’re not very, um, understanding,“ Sehyoon nodded, lowering his head. It still hurt to talk about it. „We barely talk now, but every time I call them or visit, the first thing I hear is if I got a girlfriend and when I say no, they still... I don’t know. They’re just... not happy.“  
„I’m so sorry, Sehyoon,“ the younger one sighed, he really didn’t know what to say. He wished there was something he could do to help, but he probably couldn’t change his parents‘ mind just like that.  
„It’s fine, I guess. I’m used to it,“ he shrugged, digging his fingers into the younger’s skin as he continued running his hands on his hips and lower back. He was frustrated with his parents, a lot, but he didn’t want that to affect Byeongkwan in any way. „And I have you now, right?“  
„Yes, you do,“ Byeongkwan nodded, leaning in for a kiss before taking his own shirt off, moving lower and slowly lifting Sehyoon’s shirt as well. He wanted to make Sehyoon happier and he knew about just the perfect thing to take his mind off of the stuff with his family.  
„What are you doing?“ Sehyoon asked, as calmly as he managed, but he felt himself getting hard just from that already. Byeongkwan was taking care of him almost every night, letting Sehyoon feeling ashamed a little bit, but he couldn’t stop the younger one from taking the lead, it seemed like it was what he liked and Sehyoon truly didn’t mind it in the slightest.  
„I prepared myself before you came home, it’s time to prepare you,“ Byeongkwan smirked, slowly pulling Sehyoon’s pants down when his shirt was finally off. He wanted to have some proper fun, and to show Sehyoon how much he loved being in charge.  
„O-Okay,“ he couldn’t really say no to that, even though he should save his energy for the concert the next day, but how could he turn down such offer.


	13. 13.

**Day 92**

Sehyoon was sitting in his dressing room, couple people around doing what had to be done for the show, preparing Sehyoon’s outfit and all that, and Sehyoon could barely think about anything other than the fact he was about to come out to a person he never even saw. He knew it was important to Byeongkwan, so it was important to him as well, but there were about 5 people in his life that knew he was gay and it was terrifying for him to add more to that. He was so worried, for his career, for his reputation, about what would happen if it all got out... it was all a lot to take in. And it was so quick too, they were barely dating for couple weeks. So even though he was supposed to be preparing for the concert, his mind was flodded with the worst scenarios where Junhee and Byeongkwan would have a fight or something like that and Junhee’d think the appropriate way to deal with that would be to out not only their relationship, but also Sehyoon in the process. And all of that were the reasons as to why Sehyoon never looked for a relationship, because even though he was craving it and he was so happy to finally have Byeongkwan for himself, the thought of people finding out that he was gay was almost unbearable.

„Are you okay?“ Donghun spoke up, shaking the rapper from his thinking and Sehyoon quickly looked at his friend.  
„Yeah, I’m good,“ he nodded, looking around. „It’s just... a big night, right? A big concert. Kinda.“ It wasn’t the biggest he’s had but there was definitely a lot of tickets sold and he was always nervous to step on stage. Once he did he wasn’t nervous anymore because it filled every last cell of his being, but the before was scary.  
„Kinda,“ Donghun agreed, looking around to make sure none of the staff was listening, and then back at his friend. „So, all good with Byeongkwan?“ he asked, knowing that if they didn’t talk Byeongkwan wouldn’t be coming to do his makeup and even though he really wanted Sehyoon to tell him on his own, he wanted to know what was up before the boy would come.  
„Yeah, um, I... I guess. It’s, um, like... we’re, like, together. I guess,“ Sehyoon finally managed to get it out, quietly enough so that nobody else would hear him and he avoided looking at his friend. He wasn’t ashamed of dating Byeongkwan at all but he felt little shy about relationships in general.  
„You _guess_ , huh?“ the older laughed, bumping into the rapper. „Come on. Shouldn’t you be a little more excited about it?“   
„No, I mean, I am! I really am, I’m very happy but I don’t... wanna talk about it here,“ he explained, returning the bump to his friend, and he wanted to say more when the door to his dressing room opened and Byeongkwan walked in, with his friend right behind him. „He wanted to bring his friend, is that okay?“ he quickly asked, even though it was pretty late by that point to ask for permission, but he seriously completely forgot it would be good if he informed Donghun beforehand.  
„It’s fine. His friend is cute,“ the older one grinned, slapping Sehyoon’s butt before leaving to talk to the staff, making sure everything would be working fine on the stage. And also to let Sehyoon alone, he knew how nervous the rapper could get with too many people around.  
„Hello,“ Byeongkwan smiled brightly, walking up to the rapper. He wanted to kiss him so badly but considering all the people around, he knew he couldn’t so he just stroked the rappers arm before stepping back to let Junhee shake hands with him. „This is Junhee. Junhee, this is Sehyoon.“  
„Nice to finally meet you,“ Junhee smiled, shaking the rappers hand. He was indeed even better looking up close, Byeongkwan wasn’t lying about that. „Huge fan, by the way.“  
„Thank you! And nice to meet you as well, I heard a lot about you,“ Sehyoon did his best to talk as camly as he managed, sitting down on his chair once the introducing was done. He wondered if Byeongkwan already told his friend that they’re together or if they’d tell Junhee together. Looking at the dark haired man, though, he most probably knew. „Ready to do my makeup? I gotta go on stage soon,“ he turned at Byeongkwan, and the younger one quickly started unpacking his stuff.  
„You can just sit down, this will take a while,“ Kwan said to his friend, looking back at Sehyoon. „You look really good. Ready for some darker makeup?“ he smiled, already a vision in his mind. He wanted to do something more fitting to Sehyoon’s normal image so no warm colors, no blush.  
„You don’t look too bad yourself,“ Sehyoon grinned, messing with the younger’s hair a little. There wasn’t much more he could do, even though there were only like two other people in the dressing room. He couldn’t risk that those people were the wrong ones. „Do whatever you want.“  
„That’s what I like to hear.“

It took Byeongkwan just little over half an hour, he really wasn’t doing as much as he would normally do for a shoot, and when he was done, the dressing room was finally empty, with just the two of them and Junhee. And, to Byeongkwan’s liking, his friend and Sehyoon were having a conversation for quite some time now. It was exactly what he wanted, the two people he loved dearly to get close.   
„We are done,“ he interrupted them, finishing with a setting spray. He liked what he did, it was subtle and the main point was the soft, darker color around his eyes. Sehyoon looked beautiful.  
„That looks really nice, baby,“ the rapper said as he looked at himself in the mirror, it was definitely different from what Byeongkwan would normally do on him but he liked it. He was starting to like makeup more and more every time Byeongkwan made him look that good.  
„I’m glad you like it,“ the younger one clapped, cleaning up the mess he did.   
Sehyoon got up from his seat, looking around to once more make sure there was nobody in the room before pulling Byeongkwan in, kissing him very softly. He didn’t really want a whole make out session in front of Byeongkwan’s friend, but he wanted to kiss him at least a little.  
„You look really good together,“ Junhee had to comment, he didn’t want to disturb them but they really did. And they way Byeongkwan melted in the rapper’s arms, it made Junhee really happy to see his friend like that. He deserved to finally have someone who would care about him.  
„I know, right!“ the pink haired boy laughed, placing another kiss against the rapper’s lips before taking a step back. Somebody could come any second and he didn’t want anyone to see something _inappropriate_. „Do you need anything more or should we slowly go?“ he asked, knowing the concert would be starting soon so they should probably get to the VIP section to watch.  
„Yes, you should go. Donghun will probably come soon, so just ask the security guy to guide you to the VIP section, okay?“ he once again pulled Byeongkwan closer to kiss him, this time licking into his mouth for a second there, he wanted some energy for the stage and Byeongkwan’s lips did that for him very well. „I will see you after the concert,“ he smiled when he pulled away and he thought Byeongkwan looked so beautiful with his cheeks all red. He probably wasn’t used to affection in front of other people either, but Sehyoon couldn’t help himself.  
„Yes. I will be watching you so be good,“ the younger one grinned, taking Junhee’s hand in his own before leaving the dressing room, following the security to their destined place. There were some people in the section already, mostly people Donghun invited, and Junhee was almost shaking with excitement. Not only for the concert that he was really looking forward to but also because seeing Sehyoon like that with his friend wasn’t half bad.  
„I can’t believe this!“ he almost screamed, shaking his friend. He wasn’t doubting Byeongkwan once he told him they were together but seeing it with his own eyes was very different.  
„I know, me neither. Isn’t he just... god, so fucking hot?“ the younger one laughed, sitting down on one of the couches. He liked talking to Junhee about his crushes and his friend was more than eager to listen.  
„He is, he really is,“ he nodded quickly, setting next to his friend. „Is he... you know, good at it?“ Junhee had to ask, he wanted to know everything and knowing his friend was going through a drought for couple months before Sehyoon, he was sure Byeongkwan wanted to share how good he was.  
„He is incredible.  The first night we got together, he fucked me like three times, it was just so good,“ he nodded quickly, he couldn’t praise the rapper enough. And it was honestly only getting better as the days went by, Sehyoon was learning more about the younger’s body and he knew where and when he should put his hands or his mouth, Byeongkwan more than enjoyed it.  
„That’s what you deserve,“ Junhee clapped, really happy for his friend. „Now we just have to find someone for me and all will be good in the gay land,“ he added, gaining a chuckle from the younger man.  
„You know, I’m sure there are men interested in you, but you’re just too picky.“  
„I’m not picky, I have _standards_ ,“ he corrected his friend, laughing a little. He knew he was very difficult to please but he was hurt by stupid boys too many times, he’d rather be alone for a while to get the perfect one. Like Byeongkwan did. Or, at least hopefully. He still didn’t know the rapper so at that point he could just hope for the best.  
„We will find you someone, Sehyoon has a lot of celebrity acquaintances,“ Byeongkwan chuckled, He knew that from what Sehyoon told him he couldn’t really out any of his colleagues, but it would still be fun if Junhee got a celebrity boyfriend as well.

The concert ended late at night and the three men decided it’d be the easiest to go over to Sehyoon’s place and order some takeout. Restaurants tended to be rather loud at that time of the night and if they wanted to talk in any kind of privacy, Sehyoon’s place was definitely the place to go.  
They ordered some chicken and pizza and once they finished most of it, while talking about nothing in particular, they were sitting on the ground in Sehyoon’s living room (his carpets were rather comfortable), Junhee finally decided to start the conversation he knew they’d have one way or another.  
„Okay, how private questions are okay for me to ask?“ he spoke up, looking at Sehyoon and he already saw his friend rolling his eyes. He did prepare Byeongkwan for the fact that most of what he wants to know is about his past and about the way he’s been treating Kwan, so it wouldn’t be the most enjoyable conversation.  
„Just ask whatever you want, if it’s too much I’ll stop you,“ Sehyoon answered with a chuckle, Junhee looked very serious. He was in a good mood, he was really enjoying the time with Byeongkwan’s friend so hopefully the questions wouldn’t ruin that too much. He knew he did some pretty fucked up things.  
„Well, first of all… why were you lying to Byeongkwan for so long? He told me when you kissed and stuff so obviously you must’ve known that he knew you were into men, right? Why were you trying so hard to deny something so obvious?“  
„I don’t… I didn’t want to lie to him. Any time I kissed him or anything like that was when I was drunk and I couldn’t control myself but once I sobered up it was back to _well I can’t possibly be with him because if it got out, I’d be fucked_."  
"So it's okay to make out with men while you're drunk and get them attached to you, but reject them the second you sober up?"  
"I didn't say that at all. I just didn’t want to get involved with him because I know that he will hurt. No matter how much I try to be good to him, I still have to be hiding and denying him and that must be horrible to hear, right? Your boyfriend saying he’d never be with a man and all the shit I have to say. I tried really hard not to fall in love with your friend but he’s too irresistible,“ Sehyoon shrugged, holding Byeongkwan’s hand in his own for emotional support. He didn’t even properly talk about all that with Byeongkwan so it was hard to say it all out loud. Of course Byeongkwan figured it out on his own but it was still different actually saying it. „I really am sorry for hurting him, though.“  
„I know you are, love,“ Byeongkwan whined, leaning in to place a soft kiss on the rapper’s neck. He knew it was uncomfortable to talk about all this with someone he literally didn’t know at all so he appreciated Sehyoon even more for doing it.  
„That is not an excuse for what you did. You _knew_ it would hurt him when you said he didn’t mean anything to you, didn’t you?“  
„Yeah. But I still thought it’d ultimately hurt him less than if we got together and I put him through all the celebrity duties bullshit. When Donghun hired him, he was supposed to be just someone I fuck once or twice and never see again, and I know it doesn’t make it all better, but I really fought to have him in my life. Donghun wasn’t exactly thrilled when I requested him to do my makeup again, when we finally went for a coffee, when I told Donghun I was falling in love… It’s simply not so easy, Junhee. Believe me, I was hurting like shit when he stopped talking to me but I was just trying to protect him. And okay, I was trying to protect my career as well but he was first,“ he explained, or at least tried to explain the best he could. He could never actually excuse the way he was treating Byeongkwan but he sure was doing his best to make it up to him.  
„What changed then? If you wanted to protect him so badly and make sure he wouldn’t be hurting, what is different now? Are you planning on coming out for him?“ Junhee asked, he liked the explanations the rapper was giving him and he did sound genuine but he still needed to know so much more before accepting him as Byeongkwan’s partner.  
„I love him. I know that might be not enough but I don’t want to be without him, and I promise I will do my best to be good to him. I can’t come out, I wish I could, but I can’t. And I know it might be too much for him eventually so if that happens, I will let him go, but I didn’t want to give him up without at least trying,“ he said truthfully. He was kind of expecting that eventually, that Byeongkwan might decide it’s not worth it but he wanted to enjoy him for as long as he could.  
„That is a good answer,“ Junhee smiled, looking at Byeongkwan. „You chose good,“ he nodded. It wasn't going to be the easiest thing to go through everything but perhaps it wouldn’t be too bad as long as Sehyoon remained honest.   
„I know,“ Byeongkwan grinned, getting up to get more juice from the fridge, leaving the two of them alone for a bit. He thought that might be good too.   
„Do you love my friend, Sehyoon? Like, really _really_ love? He’s been through so much shit, he deserves to have someone who won't fuck him over,“ Junhee spoke up when they were alone in the room, he needed to hear it straight from the rapper. It wasn’t like there was too much he could do because Byeongkwan was obviously ride or die for Sehyoon so he wanted to make sure Sehyoon felt the same way.  
„I do,“ he answered quickly, it was the last thing he was doubting. „We don’t know each other for that long and I know that but what I’ve been feeling the last couple of months, I can’t describe that,“ Sehyoon added, it was hard to explain what he felt because he truly never felt it so it was hard to put a name on it, but he knew he was ready to do anything for Byeongkwan after the first month they’ve known each other. It hit him fast and hard.  
„Good. I hope you’re ready for a lot of me in your life then, I don’t like leaving Byeongkwan’s side too much,“ Junhee grinned, finishing his drink and smiling at Byeongkwan when he joined them with a box of juice and a bottle of soju.  
„I thought we might have a shot or two?“ Byeongkwan suggested, he didn’t want to get drunk but he wanted to celebrate that his boyfriend and best friend were getting along, one way or another.  
„I can’t, Kwannie. I’m full from all the food and I have the morning shift,“ Junhee frowned, he didn’t like the opening shift, it was always the most work. „In fact, I should get going,“ he added after looking at the time, he didn’t even realize how late it was.  
„Already? Aw, that sucks,“ Byeongkwan put down the drinks and went over to hug his friend. „Thank you for coming. It means a lot to me that you two finally met and talked and all that,“ he smiled, pulling away after a while.   
„Of course. I still have some questions but I will leave them for another day,“ he grinned, shaking hands with the rapper before taking all his stuff. „WIll you come over tomorrow? I finish at 6.“  
„I think so,“ Byeongkwan nodded before looking at Sehyoon. „How long are you working tomorrow?“  
„No idea, baby. I guess I’ll be home at midnight at the earliest though.“  
„Okay. So I will come,“ he nodded, looking back at his friend. „You can tell me what you really think about this man for real then,“ he chuckled, walking to the door with his friend. He waited with Junhee for the taxi to get there before walking back into Sehyoon’a apartment, walking over to him to sit in his lap, wrapping his arms around the older’s neck.  
„Did I do good?“ Sehyoon asked, his hands quickly finding their way to Byeongkwan’s hips, pulling him closer. He knew Junhee barely asked anything but it was still more than stressful for him. And the questions weren’t even that bad, he was sure there were many more on Junhee’s mind.  
„Amazing, Sehyoonie,“ the pink boy nodded immediately, leaning down to kiss the man under him. It was slow and soft and Byeongkwan whined quietly when he felt Sehyoon biting his lip, pulling away from the rapper. „We should go to bed, you must be so tired.“  
„Okay.“ Sehyoon wanted to oppose but when he didn’t find the strength for it, he figured he was probably more tired than he thought. He kissed the boy in his lap once more before they both got up, cleaning the mess in the living room.   
„We didn’t even celebrate,“ Byeongkwan sighed, showing Sehyoon the still unopened bottle of soju.  
„We can, uh, on Friday? I should be free, if Donghun doesn’t fuck that up,“ he rolled his eyes, washing the couple dishes they’ve got. Thankfully it wasn’t too much since they used the boxes the food came in as plates.   
„He’s overworking you, I really don’t like it. You need to rest more,“ he sighed, putting the bottle back to the fridge. He knew Sehyoon had to work but he didn’t think the amount Donghun was putting on him was reasonable. He was barely sleeping, not eating enough, working out too much… it wasn’t healthy.  
„It’s my job, baby. I’m good, don’t worry,“ Sehyoon tried to calm his boyfriend, pulling him in for a kiss when the dishes were clean, taking Kwan’s hand and walking to the bedroom. „You know, you could just, like, bring more of your stuff here. Maybe. If you’d want to. Since, you know, we spend… you are here a lot,“ he mumbled. He really wanted to be around Byeongkwan as much as he could and if he basically lived with him, it would make everything easier.  
„Are you asking me to live with you?“ Byeongkwan almost gasped, following the rapper. They were officially together for barely a week, so needless to say he was pretty surprised to hear that so soon.  
„I—maybe?“ Sehyoon bit his lip, turning around to look at Byeongkwan. „I know it’s… uh, very quick. But our situation isn’t exactly ordinary and as much as I’d love to take you on dates and drop you off at your place and be excited to go pick you up, I can’t really do that. I want to learn more about you and this would make it easy. Right?“  
„That’s not very romantic, Sehyoonie,“ Byeongkwan chuckled, jumping on the older one, wrapping his legs around the rapper’s waist. „I can bring more of my stuff here, for sure. But I still want you to come pick me up every now and then, okay?“ He knew their situation was unusual and he had to probably get used to it, so maybe the sooner the better.  
„Sounds good,“ Sehyoon nodded, grabbing Byeongkwan’s butt to hold him firmly before walking over to the bed, tossing him on it and hovering over him the next second.   
Maybe they could stay awake for a while longer.


	14. 14.

**Day 120**

Sehyoon was sitting at a table, in an almost empty restaurant, and he was watching his manager talk fiercely into his phone. They were supposed to be having a little time off to have lunch in peace but for some reason Donghun just didn’t know how to stop working. Sehyoon was grateful to his friend for working so hard since he was obviously doing it for the rapper and his career but he had so many things he needed to talk about and he wanted to take the opportunity of basically nobody being around them. 

It took another couple minutes before Donghun finally put his phone away and he let out a loud sigh, looking over at his friend.

“Sorry, man. This job will kill me one day, I swear,” he whined, finally taking his chopsticks to get some food into his system. He didn’t want to always work, he knew it was tiring to everyone around him too but with Sehyoon getting as famous as he was there was simply too much to do and he didn’t trust any of his assistants enough to let them do anything even remotely important.  
“You don’t have to do this, Donghun. I know you want me to do well but this is, like, this is insane. You can’t even have lunch without it going cold?” the rapper shook his head, leaning back in his chair. He already finished his food while the older one was on the phone. “And I need to talk to you. I told you that, can you turn your phone off or something? For half an hour.”  
“I’m here, Sehyoon. I’m sorry, I’m not looking at my phone at all,” he quickly took it, putting it on the table next to them. “I’m all yours and I’m listening. What’s up?”  
“Okay. Well, uh, I wanted… I wanted to ask you, um, with Yuchan… when did you… When you got together, how long did you wait before-“  
“You know we had sex long before we got together, right?” he interrupted, chuckling a little bit. He knew that wasn’t where Sehyoon was heading but he could see his friend was getting nervous and he wanted to loosen him up a little bit.  
“Yea,” Sehyoon rolled his eyes at his friend, he was very much kept in the loop of how Donghun’s relationship began. “That’s not exactly what I wanted to ask. Basically, we, um, tomorrow it’s-… like, it’s gonna be a month since we got together. I mean, a month since we officially said we'd be boyfriends, you know... And I don’t know if I should, you know, do something? It’s only a month and I don’t wanna seem too, I don’t know, clingy?”   
“Is it really a month already? Shit,” Donghun chuckled again, it felt like a week not a whole month. He was definitely happy to see the rapper radiating and smiling all of the time but it didn’t seem like a month at all. Maybe he really was working both himself and Sehyoon if he was so out of touch with time. “Well, I don’t think it’d seem _clingy_. He is your first real relationship, right? If you want to celebrate it, you definitely should. Do you normally give him gifts and stuff?”  
“Uhhh,” Sehyoon bit his lip, scratching his head. “I never really gave him anything. Except for my own album,” he answered, laughing a little nervously. He never even ended up getting him that Christmas gift he promised and he felt really bad but he just never remembered. He also wasn’t sure what he should even get him in the first place.  
“Hmmm. Well, I give Yuchan shit like every other day so when we celebrate something, I take care of other stuff. You know, you can always just fuck him into an oblivion, I think that’s a great anniversary gift. Maybe get him something kinky, is he kinky? Like, I don’t know, handcuffs? Start easy?” he suggested. He didn’t really know that much about Sehyoon’s sex life as of lately, he sadly didn’t share it with Donghun the way he used to, but he couldn’t blame him The rapper seemed very serious about his relationship this time.  
“If I got him, um, those I’m pretty sure he’d be using them on me. He’s rather, uh, _dominant_ ,” Sehyoon almost whispered. He wasn’t exactly shy and he talked about all kinds of stuff with his best friend but it was still a little bit awkward to talk about something like that. He wasn’t brought up in an open environment so he still struggled talking about certain things sometimes.  
“No shit. Really? You got yourself a power bottom, huh?” Donghun laughed a little too loudly, it was amusing to even think about someone dominating the rapper. Not like he obviously wasn’t reserved, sometimes even awkward person but Donghun still thought he was the type to be in charge in the bedroom. “That’s fucking hot,” he added, he simply had to. He thought his friend looked very good with the younger man.  
“Jesus Christ, Donghun,” Sehyoon laughed shyly, shaking his head. It was true, Byeongkwan definitely was just that but he couldn’t bring himself to discuss that out loud. If only for the respect he had for Byeongkwan, he probably wouldn’t be thrilled to know Donghun knew even that much.  
“What? You two are hot, I’m not being creepy!” Donghun laughed too, finally finishing his food. “Do you let him top?”  
“Why would I tell you that?” Sehyoon raised his eyebrow, looking at the older man. He knew Donghun wanted to know everything, he was very nosy and genuinely just interested in everything his friend was going through but it was a little much sometimes. He could be little  _too_  open.  
“Come on, I tell you everything!” the manager whined, he couldn’t help himself. He just wanted to know and it was fun to turn his brain off from all the work stuff and think about the fun, life stuff instead. He didn’t get much of it lately.  
“It’s not like I ask, though,” Sehyoon grinned, kicking Hun’s leg under the table. “To answer you, no. So far we didn’t… switch.”  
“Well that could be a nice gift then! Let him do you for once?”   
“I don’t think I’m quite ready for that step,” Sehyoon said truthfully, it wasn’t something he was rushing into. And he was pretty sure Byeongkwan enjoyed receiving anyway. “That’s so beside the point. What should I get him? Just flowers would be lame, wouldn’t it? I would cook for him but I can’t cook, so that’s not a good idea either…”  
“I think flowers are a good idea if he likes them. Do you know if he likes them?”   
“He does. Not as much as you do, but he does,” Sehyoon grinned at his friend, Donghun’s obsession with flowers was quite extraordinary. Sehyoon thought it was very adorable.  
“Good. Get him flowers, make love to him all day and make sure his every need gets taken care of. You have a day off so take advantage of that. And that should be well enough for one month. How does it feel, by the way? Having a relationship for a month already. Everything okay, everything good?”  
“Everything is perfect. I don’t know if, like, it’s normal, but yea everything is amazing. He is amazing,” Sehyoon quickly nodded, he was truly feeling happy. They weren’t arguing or anything even close to that and it never felt so good to just come home. Byeongkwan was staying over at his place for most of the week, except for maybe one or two days here and there, and Sehyoon felt more than satisfied. It was exactly what he craved so badly – a relationship. Love. And he finally got it.  
“I’m so happy to hear that, seriously. You fucking deserve this,” Donghun smiled, knowing how hard it was for Sehyoon to be alone all these years it was so nice to see him happy. Even if it kept Donghun awake at nights, thinking about everything that’d happen if it somehow got out.   
“Thank you. I’m just very worried about people finding out. Like, I’m as careful as I can be, but you never know and I can’t imagine… I don’t want to imagine the shit that would go down if people somehow found out. I read an article before we got together, where someone put together everything they could find with, um, Byeongkwan wearing my clothes and stuff and it was…,” he sighed, he didn’t know where he was going with it but he was very scared. That one article made him question if any relationship was worth it and he didn’t read anything since then, he didn’t want any doubts planted in his mind, but that one article still stuck with him. And he knew there was so much more to add to something like that now, so many more pictures and videos and little things that people wouldn’t normally notice unless they were looking for them.

“Sehyoon, calm down,” Donghun reached over the table to quickly grab the younger’s hand. He was very worried about it himself but he was doing his best not to let it show. “Everything is good. He’s your official makeup artist and that’s exactly what we will say to anyone having too many questions, okay? You’re allowed to have friends, Sehyoon. And you’re straight, right? That’s all we gotta take care of, that people don’t forget that you’re into women.”  
“Okay. I guess you’re right, I am allowed to have friends,” Sehyoon nodded before ringing the bell for the waiter to come. “We gotta go. You have to help me pick some flowers for my baby,” he smiled at his friend, already getting dressed. He didn’t want to think about that anymore so choosing flowers sounded like way more fun at the moment.

**Day 121**

It was early in the morning but Sehyoon couldn’t fall asleep and he decided they should start their month anniversary celebration right away. He ended up siding with Donghun, about just taking care of Byeongkwan, so that’s what he was going to do.   
Byeongkwan was lying on his side, his back pressed against Sehyoon’s chest and the rapper slowly moved his hands down the younger’s side, placing butterfly kisses on the younger’s neck and shoulder. He wanted Kwan to wake up into a beautiful morning, so he moved his hand lower, rubbing his lower tummy, which finally made Byeongkwan twitch a little. The pink haired one let out a soft sigh, blindly reaching his hand back to intertwine his fingers into Sehyoon’s newly black hair, pulling on it very softly. He didn’t want to open his eyes yet and whatever Sehyoon was doing was very nice, so he just purred when he felt the rapper’s hand moving even lower.  
“Good morning,” Sehyoon finally spoke up, very quietly, when he wrapped his fingers around the younger’s length, still placing kisses on the porcelain skin of his boyfriend.   
“Mhm,” Byeongkwan murmured in response, biting his lip when he felt the rapper’s thumb pressing against the top of his already rising erection, finally opening his eyes and turning his head just enough to look at the rapper. “What time is it?”   
“Nine,” the black haired replied, kissing Byeongkwan’s lips as softly as he could before moving his kisses along Kwan’s shoulder, down his arm and forearm before reaching his fingers, kissing the top of every single one. He loved being soft, he loved taking care of Byeongkwan and when he was all tired and sleepy like that, it was all even softer.  
He moved over, now hovering over the younger’s body and he leaned down to continue kissing the younger’s chest just massaging the younger’s hips, letting his dick rest for a bit. He wanted to take his time.  
“How do I deserve this?” Byeongkwan asked after a while of letting Sehyoon do whatever he wanted, just playing with the black strands of hair. He really liked Sehyoon’s new hair color, even though he liked the blonde he looked so much better with black hair, it simply suited him very well. And it was making Byeongkwan feel all types of way every time he saw his boyfriend.  
Sehyoon didn’t reply, he instead pulled himself higher to connect their lips and returning his hand on Byeongkwan, working on him again, lazily stroking his length while licking into the younger’s mouth. The kisses were a little messy, Byeongkwan wasn’t awake enough to fully comprehend what was happening, and everything was so warm between them. It made Byeongkwan whine rather loudly for how early it was but Sehyoon never woke him up like that. He wasn’t quite sure if he should be doing something too or not but he decided to focus on kissing the rapper as slowly as he managed, pulling on his hair and very slowly moving his hips to compliment the movements of Sehyoon’s hand.   
“What do you want me to do, babyboy?” Sehyoon asked after a while of just continuing what he was doing, he wanted to know which morning orgasm his boyfriend preferred since there were so many options he could’ve chosen from.  
“Huh?” Kwan blinked, looking at the man above him, little confused. His brain wasn’t functioning fully and with Sehyoon overwhelming all his senses this early in the day, he could barely form words let alone thoughts. Not like he was complaining though, it was definitely a beautiful way to be woken up. “Just keep kissing me,” he decided to answer after his brain understood Sehyoon’s question and he whimpered at how much more aggressive Sehyoon’s kisses suddenly became, though he returned them just as hungrily. Sehyoon’s movements became sharper, faster, as he felt the boy under him tremble and he moaned himself when Byeongkwan bit his lip, thrusting his hips up into Sehyoon’s hand. It wasn’t so soft anymore as Byeongkwan started approaching his orgasm, his moans becoming more defined, louder in Sehyoon’s ears. It didn’t took long before a warm liquid spilled all over the younger’s tummy, Sehyoon still moving his hand as he leaned down to place couple love bites on Byeongkwan’s neck, helping him calm down as he came down from his euphoria.  
“Happy one month,” he mumbled, using his arms to lift himself up enough to look at the younger one, kissing him softly.  
“W-What?” Byeongkwan blinked, confused again, looking at the rapper above him.  
“We’ve been dating for a month today,” Sehyoon specified and the way Byeongkwan’s eyes widened was the most adorable thing he’s seen that week. He was pretty sure Byeongkwan would realize it eventually, he didn’t seem like the type to forget this kind of stuff, but Sehyoon’s way of waking him up definitely made him forget plenty of things.  
“Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan whined again, wrapping his arms and legs around the older man and pulling him close, hugging him as tightly as he could. “Happy one month!”  
“I have something for you,” the rapper added, kissing Byeongkwan’s shoulder before getting up, through a lot of the younger’s complaints, quickly running to the storage room where he’s hidden the flower him and Donghun chose, and he made sure to make it look pretty before walking back to the bedroom, handing it to his boyfriend. “I hope you like sunflowers.”  
“Stop, Sehyoon, are you serious?” Byeongkwan quickly jumped up from the bed, he already cleaned himself while Sehyoon was gone, grabbing the bouquet before jumping on Sehyoon, squeezing him as tightly as he could. He’s had longer relationships before but for some reason none of his boyfriends were really big on celebrating anniversaries, let alone in this way.  
“I take that as a yes?” he giggled, grabbing Byeongkwan under his butt so he wouldn’t fall and walking over to the living room. The flowers needed to be put back in water sooner rather than later, they were suffering in the storage room overnight which probably wasn’t the brightest idea Sehyoon’s had, ordering delivery might’ve been a little bit more practical.   
“I love them, Sehyoonie, they’re beautiful,” the younger one nodded quickly, kissing Sehyoon again before jumping down from him, running to the kitchen to get a vase to put the flowers into. “I can’t believe you bought me flowers, that’s so romantic,” he mumbled, rearranging them a little bit in the vase. They were truly so beautiful Byeongkwan had to be really strong not to tear up, it wasn’t a good idea to make him feel this many things so soon after waking up. He quickly walked over back to his boyfriend after making sure the flowers were at a good place with enough sunshine and also where Byeongkwan could see them well, and he continued with the kisses right away.   
“I just wanted to make you happy,” Sehyoon smiled, returning all the kissing Byeongkwan was giving him, dragging the younger one on the couch to wrap a blanket over him. It was warm in his apartment but he wanted Kwan to be comfortable. He wrapped him in the blanket, sitting down and pulling the younger one on his lap.   
“I am happy! I am so happy with you,” Byeongkwan quickly nodded, leaning against the older man, resting his head on the rapper’s shoulder. It was cuddle time.  
“I like hearing that,” he grinned, holding the younger one close, gently stroking his thighs. “I love you, Byeongkwan,” he added after a while of silence and he smiled at how the pink haired man wiggled in his lap. He wasn’t really big on saying it so Byeongkwan really only heard it a handful of times in the past month but Sehyoon knew that day was definitely a time he should say it.  
“I love you!” he replied quickly, lifting his head to kiss the rapper. He knew it wasn’t a thing Sehyoon was saying too often and he thought it was actually very nice, it made it special every time he got to hear it. And it wasn’t like the rapper wasn’t _showing_ _it_ every single day ever since they got together. “Do we have a plan for today?” he asked, nuzzling his face against the older’s neck when he was done with kissing him. He smelled so nice, his natural smell with no perfumes or lotions was Byeongkwan’s favorite smell.  
“I kinda just wanted to stay here and love you all day long. And maybe order some food?” the rapper chuckled, he really didn’t think it through fully. He had the morning planned a little bit but that was about it, he didn’t have enough time to prepare anything special. Sadly.  
“Mhm, really? So morning was just an appetizer?” Kwan grinned, licking Sehyoon’s neck before biting the sensitive skin there softly.  
“Oh you know it was,” Sehyoon growled, grabbing Byeongkwan by his hips and making him lay down on the couch, once again finding himself above the younger one. He wanted to be as in charge as he managed to be and as much as Byeongkwan would let him, because he knew sooner or later the younger one would take the lead again and, quite frankly, Sehyoon was excited for it to happen.  
“Round two already?” Byeongkwan grinned, throwing the blanket on the ground before wrapping his legs around Sehyoon’s waist.

He already felt it was going to be one very long day.


	15. 15.

**Day 142**

“This is so cool,“ Byeongkwan almost gasped, looking around the room. Sehyoon finally made time to take him to his recording studio, which was right next to the company, and Byeongkwan loved it. He was so interested in the whole process of making songs and whatnot and he was so excited to see Sehyoon in his element, aka recording a song. He knew how important music overall was to the rapper and he wanted to be a part of that so badly.  
“It’s really nothing special,” the older one chuckled, putting away some of his stuff and turning on all what he needed. He knew he couldn’t really record a whole song ready to be released by his own but he liked being alone in the studio, recording what he could. When he had something to put on Donghun’s table, a template of what he wanted the song to be, it was always easier to actually get it recorded properly. Not like Donghun rejected many of his songs, though, his manager rather liked most of what Sehyoon composed.  
“Okay, what do I do?” he looked at Sehyoon, pulling him in to place a soft kiss on the rapper’s neck. He liked being alone with him, ever since he started working for him officially they rarely had any alone time except for when they were home. And Byeongkwan needed the little touches and kisses every now and then, he was rather needy in that aspect.  
“You sit here,” he pointed at the chair in front of the huge sound board, “and don’t touch anything except for this red button – this will make me hear you, if you want to tell me anything. Please, I know you will want to play with it but Donghun would kill me if the board broke,” he added, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend properly before taking his notebook, pushing the recording button and walking into the booth. He was nervous, it was weird to be performing only for Byeongkwan. Of course he’s seen him on stage before, many times by that point, but it was so different. It felt so much more intimate and Sehyoon couldn’t help but tremble a little bit.  
“Okay, let’s go, love,” Byeongkwan grinned, settling himself in the chair and just staring at the rapper. He was so beautiful Byeongkwan sometimes lost himself in him completely, so he was trying his best to concentrate so he could actually hear the rapping and focus on the lyrics. He loved Sehyoon’s lyrics.  
It took a while before Sehyoon dove deep into the song and the more he did, the more Byeongkwan was feeling his stomach on fire. Sehyoon was so immersed in the song, in the lyrics, and he was just so hot. The little growling sounds he made every now and then, the way he pushed his hair back, how his hands were flowing together with the lyrics. Byeongkwan thought his boyfriend was always attractive but something about _the rapper_ King Wow was making him loose his mind even more than he normally did. He let Sehyoon go over the song couple times before he couldn’t hold back anymore, he got up and walked over to the booth, as quietly as he managed, wrapping his arms around the older’s waist from behind, hiding his face against Sehyoon’s back.  
“Hey there,” Sehyoon laughed, immediately stopping with the rapping when he noticed Byeongkwan’s presence. “Don’t want to listen to my ass any more, huh?”  
“No, love. Keep going,” Byeongkwan quickly answered, running his hands lower on the rapper’s body, not hesitating before sticking his hand under Sehyoon’s sweatpants. “Please,” he purred into his ear, biting on the earlobe as he slowly stroked the older one through his underwear. He decided he wanted to hear some of that rapping through Sehyoon’s moans, he thought that would sound simply beautiful.  
“Huh? W-What are you doing?” Sehyoon swallowed, looking down at the hand in his pants and he had to be really strong not to groan right away.  
“ _You_. Keep rapping,” Byeongkwan asked for it again, slowly rubbing the older’s length. He knew he’d eventually get what he wanted, Sehyoon was very good at listening to him, and he grinned for himself when he saw the rapper nod.  
Sehyoon took a deep breath, leaning himself against the table with his notebook and he tried his best to continue, rapping to the best of his abilities. Which, frankly, was proving to be pretty difficult with Byeongkwan giving him a handjob and though he was trying, he could hear himself getting out more moans and groans than actual words that could be considered lyrics.  
“B-Baby, I can’t,” he whined, leaning back a little bit, putting his hand over the one Byeongkwan had wrapped around his waist. He was surprised he could still even stand straight let alone do anything more than moaning.  
“Keep going,” Byeongkwan repeated, pulling his hand out from the older’s pants and walking around to face the rapper. “If you continue I will too,” he added with a grin on his face, running his fingers through Sehyoon’s black hair, pulling on it to push his head backwards so he could place more love bites on the older’s neck.  
“That’s not fair,” Sehyoon growled, grabbing his boyfriend’s hips to press his body against his own. He could see in Byeongkwan’s eyes that he wanted to play but he wasn’t sure that the recording studio of his company was the best place for it.  
“Life’s not fair, cupcake. So what do you wanna do?” he grinned, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend, licking deep into Sehyoon’s mouth for quite a while before pulling back again.  
“Okay,” Sehyoon finally nodded, he couldn’t decline Kwan’s offer and he stole one more kiss before he saw his boyfriend lowering, getting on his knees and pulling down Sehyoon’s pants and underwear too. “Jesus fucking Christ,” he groaned, quickly grabbing Byeongkwan’s hair in his fist before he took a deep breath and returned to his lyrics.  
Byeongkwan smiled for himself, he loved how much power he had over his boyfriend, and he took his dick deep into his throat right away, making sure to make it worth the while. He kept his hands at the back of Sehyoon’s thighs, squeezing them harshly as he kept the movements of his head quick and steady. He knew they didn’t have too much time and as far as he knew, they didn’t bother to lock the door so he didn’t want anyone to catch them.  
It didn’t took long before Sehyoon was back to groaning and little to no rapping but Byeongkwan didn’t stop this time, he listened to Sehyoon’s beautiful sounds, gradually making his movements faster, helping himself with his hand to make it quicker. Which paid off and his mouth was full of the warm liquid in just couple of minutes. He did his best to swallow most of it, licking his boyfriend clean before getting up, pulling his pants backs on.  
“Delicious,” he smiled, licking his lips. He knew Sehyoon liked to see that so he wasn’t surprised when the older one wrapped his hand around his neck and pulled him in, kissing him so hungrily it made Byeongkwan whine, and he accepted all the kisses for a while before pulling away. He was too horny himself and Sehyoon’s kisses were only making it worse.  
“I’m sorry, baby,” Sehyoon sighed, he could see Byeongkwan wouldn’t oppose to getting something back but they were lucky enough until now and he couldn’t risk them being caught. “I love you so fucking much, you’re incredible,” he added, just to make sure Byeongkwan knew how much he appreciated when he did stuff like that and he was leaning in for another kiss when he heard the doors open and he quickly jumped away, letting go of his boyfriend.  
“Hello!” a loud voice made it through to the recording booth.  
“Fuck,” Sehyoon sighed, quickly exiting the booth to go greet his friend. “Hey, Yuchan. What are you doing here?” he asked, trying to look as presentable as possible. He wasn’t sure if Donghun told Chan about the _situation_ Sehyoon was in with Byeongkwan but he couldn’t risk it if he didn’t. If Donghun didn’t trust him enough to tell him, Sehyoon couldn’t either.  
“Dongdong told me to go get you. He needs to- oh my! Hello! Are you Byeongkwan?” the youngest turned to look at the guy slowly coming out of the booth. He’s heard a lot about him, it was nice to finally see him in real life.  
“Yes, that would be me,” Byeongkwan chuckled, walking over to shake hands with the younger man. “Kang Yuchan, right? I’m a huge fan of your music,” he smiled, trying his best to keep his hands off of his boyfriend and stand an appropriate distance away from him.  
“Thank you, I heard so much about you! I love your makeup on Sehyoon, you’re so talented,” Yuchan had to compliment him, he wished his makeup artist was so creative. He was wearing like two looks, maybe three if he was lucky. He asked Donghun if he could get Byeongkwan too but sadly that didn’t work out.  
“Channie, back to me?” the rapper rolled his eyes, looking at the youngest one. “You came to tell me something, right?”  
“Right! Go see Donghun,” Yuchan nodded before turning back to Byeongkwan. He wasn’t so interested in the rapper anymore. “Are you free today? Would you do my makeup?”  
“I—sure, oh my god. That’d be my honor,” he quickly agreed, looking at Sehyoon. “Would that be okay, lo—Sehyoon? You don’t need me today, right?” he smiled, begging with his eyes. He was a huge fan of Yuchan and he wouldn’t mind getting to know him a little better at all. Especially since Sehyoon talked about him a lot too, it seemed like he was one of the couple friends Sehyoon had and it was important for Byeongkwan to know the people Sehyoon loved. It spoke a lot about the person he was, the people he hanged out with.  
“Sure, just… you know,” he tried to get through his gaze that Byeongkwan should be careful about what he’d say, and he raised his eyebrows when he heard Yuchan laugh.  
“I know you’re dating, Sehyoon. Donghun told me,” the singer smiled, hitting Sehyoon’s arm lightly. “I will take care of him, don’t worry!”  
“Great, okay,” Sehyoon felt less tense right away, walking over to the sound board to finally turn it all off and grab the USB with what he recorded. “Call me when you, like, get done or whatever, okay?” he pulled Byeongkwan in once more to kiss him, now freely knowing he could, and messed with his hair a bit before leaving the two guys alone and heading straight to Donghun’s office.

“Hello,” he greeted his friend, walking over to his table to sit down. He wasn’t sure why exactly Donghun couldn’t just call but it was probably more important. “You told Yuchan?” he asked right away. He thought Donghun would tell him if he planned on telling Yuchan about his relationship but, well, apparently not.  
“Uhh, told him what?” Donghun chuckled, saving what he was working on to give his attention to the rapper.  
“About me and Kwan.”  
“Well, yeah. Why?”  
“I told you he’s coming to the studio today. You should’ve told me that Yuchan knows, it was kinda awkward,” he shrugged, leaning back in the chair. Although it would be much more awkward If Yuchan decided to came 5 minutes earlier.  
“Now you know. Can we get to work? I have some stuff I need you to get ready for.” Donghun knew Sehyoon already worked a lot and he was giving him as many free days as he could in the last couple of weeks but that was about to change again. “The company thinks you should come out with another single. And they want an explicit one.”  
“What do you mean?” the rapper frowned, he already didn’t like it and he wasn’t even completely sure what _explicit_ was supposed to be yet.  
“Okay, well…. They think that your imagine is, how do I—not _manly enough_ , at the moment. So we need a single about the usual _I want to fuck you_ type of thing. And a video with a lot of women twerking on you,” the older man specified and he could see the disgust form on his friend's face. Not like he could blame him though.  
“Fuck no, Donghun. I won’t do that shit anymore. I understand that I can’t come out, whatever, but I won’t be portraying that rapper bullshit anymore. I don’t fucking want it,” Sehyoon quickly shook his head. There was no way he’d do that again, he wouldn’t humiliate Byeongkwan like that. His boyfriend deserved better than that.  
“You don’t have a choice, Sehyoon. This is the only thing they’ll let you publish so if you ever want to make and album again, you have to make it through one single. Come on, you know you have to do this. More and more people are questioning you.”  
“The fuck you mean I don’t have a choice? Fuck that, Donghun. Fuck that, I said no,” he repeated, getting up from the chair. “Okay, I can write a fuck song, but I will not have any woman touch me. They can shake their asses on their own, I’m not getting anywhere close to that.”  
“Can you calm down? What’s the big deal? It’s not like you never did this, right? Stop overreacting. Byeongkwan knows you’re gay, doesn’t he? How is a woman dancing on your lap any threat to him? It will be quick, I promise I will choose good dancers so we don’t have to make too many takes. I’m trying to help you, brother, but you need to listen to me,” Hun sighed, watching his friend walk back and forth across his office. He knew Sehyoon did that when he was stressed and he didn’t like putting him in that situation but it had to be done. He tried to argue with the company but there was only so much he could do. “Yuchan is fake dating stupid girls in his videos all the time, and do I care? No.”  
“Yes, because holding hands and getting a lap dance is the same fucking thing, right?” Sehyoon chuckled in the fakest way he managed, trying to breathe through his anger. “I don’t want it. It’s not what I want to represent, Donghun. I’m fucking better than that.”  
“I know you are, but you are still a rapper with an image we have to uphold. Especially now when it’s trembling. Please, just… help me out a little bit. We will make it as painless for you as possible, I promise. And Byeongkwan can be there at shooting. Whatever you need.”  
“I don’t want to.”  
“Sehyoon, come on. It will be over before you even realize and we can continue working on the album you want to make. I promise you, this is the last time we’re doing something like this.”  
Sehyoon kept walking, thinking for a while longer, trying to wrap his head around it and he knew that Donghun was right, he did it before and it wasn’t that difficult, but the fact that he had a boyfriend now made everything so much more difficult. He wanted to make Byeongkwan happy, sure that Sehyoon belonged only to him. And that wasn’t what anyone twerking on his lap would represent.  
“The last fucking time, Donghun. I don’t want women nowhere close to me after this shit,” he finally agreed, taking the USB from earlier and handing it to Donghun. “I recorded some songs in the last week, if you wanna listen.”  
“I really am sorry, Sehyoon. I’m doing what’s best for your career.”  
“Whatever.”


	16. 16.

“Okay, can I ask you something?” Byeongkwan finally spoke up after taking enough pictures of the younger’s makeup he could post one every day for the rest of his life. He felt very comfortable around the singer and he decided he wanted to ask more about Sehyoon. He’s always wanted to ask Donghun but he never felt welcoming enough, even when they were alone, so the fact that Yuchan’s aura was so relaxing and warm made Byeongkwan confident in asking some private questions. Since Donghun was Sehyoon’s only friend that he really knew he wanted to take the opportunity to learn something about his boyfriend from one of his closest friends – cause that was exactly what Yuchan seemed to be and how Sehyoon talked about it.  
“Here we go,” Yuchan chuckled, putting his phone away. He was waiting for Byeongkwan to start asking about his friend. “Ask away. I’ll tell you all I know,” he nodded, he was always up to help a friend. And the way he clicked with Byeongkwan so quick was a good indication to them ending up as friends.  
“So, he told me he’s never had a real relationship before me, does that mean he was never dating anyone? Like, have you ever seen him around someone he liked?” Byeongkwan started asking, sitting on the couch and leaning back, ready to listen. He wanted to know everything and even though Sehyoon always answered any question Byeongkwan asked, it was always different to get the opinions from friends.  
“I mean, I don’t think he was in love before you. He had some kind of, I don’t know, friends with benefits? There was this singer from a different company that he was hanging out with for quite some time, maybe two months or something? He always treated him very nicely, Sehyoon is a kind person. But it was very different from how he feels about you, at least from what he told me. The guys I saw him with before you were, you know, in the industry mostly so it was always just for the sexual part, never really a relationship or anything like that,” Yuchan shrugged, he knew it was never deep with anyone. Sehyoon would tell him when he liked someone, but he never liked them _like that_. He liked their company and the way they looked but that was about hat.  
“Is it hard being gay and famous? I’ve read some articles and stuff but I can’t really imagine how it is for you.”  
“Well, I’m not gay. I love Donghun, and I fell in with him the second we met, but I never liked men like that before him,” he chuckled again, it wasn’t an unheard assumption though. “But anyway, it’s not the best thing. To be honest, if I could I’d let everyone know that I’m with Donghun but I’m not allowed to. It’s stated in my contract or whatever,” he shrugged, pouting a little. He wasn’t ashamed to be with a man, it was just so dumb that he had to lie about something as simple as love.  
“Oh, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to put any label on you. And I’m also sorry you have to go through that, it must be difficult. I see how Sehyoonie tries really hard to hide any trace of me around him when we’re not working and it’s… it sucks. And if it sucks for me, when I’m not the celebrity, I can’t imagine how hard it must be for you,” he sighed, grabbing the younger’s hand. He just felt like that was the right thing to do.  
“It sucks a lot,” he laughed sadly, squeezing Byeongkwan’s hand. It was nice to feel support like that from basically a stranger. “I was tired of it last year so I took Dongdong to a gay bar and got him drunk so he would make out with me, and he did, and someone took pictures of us but the company paid them not to release anything.” It was a good plan but it turned out to only make everything worse, even forcing him and Donghun to take a little break and it was way more awful than hiding. Ever since then he decided not to try to out himself anymore, it was safer to have Donghun in secret than lose him completely.  
“Really? Oh my god!” Kwan couldn’t help but chuckle, it was cute that Yuchan decided to go about it such a public way. Especially without letting Donghun know about it first. “Did you ever want to give up? Like, is it worth it? I’m really worried about Sehyoon just… I don’t know, maybe it’s gonna be too hard. I don’t want to lose him.”  
“Oh no, I never wanted to give Donghun up. No matter how difficult it is to keep it a secret, it’s much easier than being without him. And I’m sure Sehyoon feels the same way, don’t worry about that. He loves you so much, the way he talks about you is so beautiful,” he smiled, playing with the older’s fingers as their hands were still intertwined. “It takes some getting used to but I’m sure you will both get comfortable soon enough. Once you know what touches and words are acceptable around other people and what expectations are reasonable for you, it will all be easier. I promise.”  
“I really hope so. I know we’re together for couple months, but… I never… I never felt anything like this before, you know? I really feel like I was supposed to end up with him,” Byeongkwan opened up, seeing Yuchan was very honest with him too, he wanted to return that. And he felt comfortable enough to do it. He only ever talked about Sehyoon with Junhee since nobody else really knew about them so it was very nice to talk about his love with someone else. He sometimes felt like he’d burst with how in love he is and he wanted nothing more than to tell it to everyone he met.  
“I know what you mean! When I met Donghun, it was like instant. We talked for five minutes and I just knew. It was little different since I never was with a man before but to be honest, it didn’t even surprise me that much,” he laughed, looking at his new friend. It was fun to share his story with someone new, he liked getting to know new people. “And I never looked back since then. He’s the love of my life. I think you just _know_ , when you meet someone like that. It’s like… your soul suddenly feels whole.”  
“That’s so cute, Yuchan. Maybe you never went out with a man before because you were waiting for the right one to show up,” Byeongkwan smiled, it was cute to listen to Yuchan talk about Donghun. He really radiated nothing but love and positivity and Byeongkwan needed some of that. “Isn’t it nice to talk about love? I love love!” he added with a wide smile and Yuchan quickly nodded in response.  
“It’s so fun! Sometimes all I want to talk about is how much I love Donghun and it sucks that nobody ever wants to listen,” the younger one laughed, letting go of Kwan’s hand to take his phone again. “Do you wanna see some pictures?”  
“Of course! If you have some with Sehyoonie too, I’d be thrilled to see that as well.”

*

It was a long day and Sehyoon wasn’t the happiest when he finally got home and Byeongkwan still wasn’t there. He knew he was still with Yuchan and he was glad that the two of them got along so well but he really needed some alone time with Byeongkwan. He felt rather upset about the new song thing that Donghun announced so nicely and the thing that always made him feel better the fastest was Byeongkwan.  
He was just finishing with his dinner, which consisted of bread with cheese, when his phone lit up with Byeongkwan’s name.

“Hello, baby. Are you coming?” he spoke up first after accepting the call and he was hoping the answer would be a quick yes.  
“I’m sorry, love. I’m actually on my way to Junhee’s right now, I won’t be coming home tonight. But I will see you tomorrow, right? I’ll come on the set as soon as possible,” Kwan replied with a sigh, he could tell from Sehyoon’s voice right away that he wasn’t feeling the best but he was spending all his time with the rapper and he really needed to see his best friend. He was either with Sehyoon or at work – which was also with Sehyoon and Junhee was nagging him about not seeing him for at least a week so he had to make time for him.  
“Are you serious?” the rapper did his best not to growl, but that only made him even more upset. It really wasn’t his day.  
“I didn’t see him for over a week now, Sehyoonie. I can… I could come later? But it’d be after midnight, I’m not sure it’d be even worth it.”  
“Not worth it, huh? Okay. Have fun, Byeongkwan,” Sehyoon mumbled before quickly ending the call. He didn’t want to be mean to Byeongkwan, not at all, but he just felt so frustrated he didn’t know what to do with himself. He put the phone aside and walked over to the kitchen, taking a bottle of soju before returning to the couch. He thought he could at least get drunk to feel better – he knew he was having a really big photoshoot the next day but at that point he couldn’t care less.

**Day 143**

It was around 1AM when the door to the apartment finally opened and Byeongkwan walked in. He wanted to be quiet but he could hear noise coming from the kitchen right away, also all the lights were on, so he guessed Sehyoon probably wasn’t asleep.  
“What are you doing, Sehyoon?” he sighed after watching the rapper struggle to open a bottle for a while. He didn’t like seeing Sehyoon drunk very much. It was only fun when Sehyoon was in a good mood, when he wasn’t he got even more grumpy and Byeongkwan really didn’t need that.  
“Look who came! Worth it after all, huh?” Sehyoon chuckled, taking a big gulp when he finally opened his last bottle of soju. He had other alcohol, though, so he wasn’t too worried. He didn’t want to get completely hammered but somewhere along the way he just… didn’t stop drinking. He was writing songs and the drunker he got, the easier the lyrics came out of him so he kept drinking. By that point he was probably writing nonsense, if his writing could even be considered words, but he didn’t really care then. Nobody ever taught him how to deal with his anger and frustrations so he once he discovered being drunk, he did that. Sometimes.  
“Love, please… Let’s go to bed, okay?” he put away his stuff to walk over to the older one, taking the bottle from him. He obviously didn’t need to drink any more. Sehyoon was protesting for a bit but he gave up eventually, walking to the bedroom with Byeongkwan supporting him. Byeongkwan didn’t know what to say so he didn’t say anything, he helped the rapper change his clothes, letting him mumble under his breath about who knows what, to be honest, and laid him down when he gargled some mouth wash – Byeongkwan definitely couldn’t make him actually brush his teeth and he didn’t want to sleep next to him while his breath smelled like blueberry soju.  
“Where are you going?” Sehyoon quickly protested when he saw Byeongkwan leaving the room.  
“I’ll take a shower. Sleep, okay? We have to wake up early tomorrow. Please, just sleep,” he explained, walking over to the rapper to kiss him softly, just so he knew that Byeongkwan wasn’t upset at him or anything like that.  
Sehyoon took the chance he got, grabbing Byeongkwan’s arm and pulling him on the bed, crawling on top of him and holding the younger’s arms over his head so he couldn’t push him off. He felt upset and needy and Byeongkwan looked so pretty. He kept holding the younger’s arms over his head with one hand, the other hand slowly moving down Byeongkwan’s body and he didn’t hesitate before slipping it under Byeongkwan’s pants.  
“W-What are you doing? We need to sleep, love,” Kwan tried to protest, biting his lip not to make any sounds. He wasn’t exactly against being intimate with Sehyoon, it’s been couple days since they’ve been together properly, but he couldn’t stop thinking about the fact that they had to get up in like 5 hours.  
“Just let me do it,” the rapper replied, mumbling his words as he started working on his boyfriend. He was pretty sure that being inside the pink haired boy would make him feel way better right away.  
“Sehyoon,” Kwan whined, arching his back when Sehyoon continued, “I am not prepared, I didn’t-“  
“Please,” he interrupted, looking up at Byeongkwan and when he finally saw the younger one nod, he quickly kissed him before moving down his body. He had no problem with being the one preparing his boyfriend thoroughly.

The morning came sooner rather than later and Byeongkwan quickly reached for his phone to stop the gut-wrenching sound that was disturbing their quiet sleep. He barely got three hours of sleep, Sehyoon indeed took his time, and he already knew they would be on the photoshoot set for the whole day which didn’t exactly make waking up any easier.  
“Wake up, love,” he spoke softly, turning around in Sehyoon’s arms to face him, kissing him on the top of his nose. Sehyoon looked so peaceful Kwan wished he could just let him sleep, especially since he was most likely gonna be hangover, but work came first.  
“No,” was the simple answer that Sehyoon growled under his breath before hiding his head under the blanket. He wasn’t ready to face the world and he definitely wasn’t ready to have a damn photoshoot feeling the way he did. He was still little bit tipsy but his stomach was slowly but surely turning.  
“Come on, Sehyoonie. Let’s take a shower, come,” Byeongkwan didn’t give up, grabbing Sehyoon’s hand and dragging him out from the bed, straight to the bathroom. He could still feel his boyfriend everywhere, he really needed a shower and Sehyoon smelled so strongly of alcohol that he needed it even more. He pushed Sehyoon into the shower after making sure the water was warm enough and he followed right after, taking the shampoo to wash Sehyoon’s hair. He liked taking care of him to the best of his abilities and the rapper looked so soft, all sleepy. “What upset you so much yesterday?” he decided to ask, massaging the shampoo into the older’s hair.  
“Donghun. The company. You…,” he shrugged, keeping his eyes closed and his hands resting on his boyfriend’s hips. He was feeling better after being with Byeongkwan, but he still wasn’t too happy about the whole situation.  
“Okay. What did Donghun do?” he asked some more, ignoring the _you_ part.  
“He told me I have to make a music video with, like, whores dancing all over me.” Just the idea of it was making him upset all over again, he hated portraying the so-called rapper image and the fact that he couldn’t make the choice was even worse. He wanted to decide what his career would look like but as long as he was signed under the company, he simply couldn’t.  
“Sehyoon, they’re not whores, they’re dancers doing their job,” Byeongkwan frowned, slapping the older’s chest softly before continuing on to wash off the shampoo and move on to wash Sehyoon’s body. “It’s your job, love. And this is the image you have, it’s not Donghun’s fault.”  
“You don’t mind?” Sehyoon finally opened his eyes, looking at the man in front of him. “I don’t care what job you have, I’d never fucking let you be touched like that by anyone. Ever.”  
“I mean, I’m not happy about it but it doesn’t mean anything. Right? You will film the video and that’s it. I—I’m dating a rapper, I can’t expect you to turn down opportunities for me,” he nodded to support his own words, turning the rapper around to soap his back. He was a fan of Sehyoon before so he knew about the image he had to uphold before jumping into a relationship with him, it would be hypocritical for him to now ask for Sehyoon to change something as big as his career.  
“I would ask you to turn down something like that for me,” Sehyoon mumbled, he wanted to be truthful. He couldn’t imagine watching anyone twerking on his boyfriend, that was just unacceptable. And that made him feel even worse, that he would never let him do something like that yet he was going to. He knew how unfair it was.  
“And I would turn it down,” he nodded, kissing the back of Sehyoon’s neck, turning Sehyoon around again. “I trust you, Sehyoon. It’s okay, you’re doing your job,” he added, leaning in to place a soft kiss against the rapper’s lips, squealing a little when Sehyoon grabbed him under his butt and lifted him up. Byeongkwan quickly wrapped his legs around the older’s waist, chuckling when he felt the coldness of the wall after Sehyoon pressed him against it to have more support.  
“I’m sorry for being rude to you last night,” Sehyoon mumbled, gripping on Kwan’s thighs so harshly he could almost feel the bruises forming. “I know I’m—I don’t…. I just, I wanted you with me,” he added, not like it explained much because Byeongkwan had no obligation to run to Sehyoon every time he asked him to.  
“It’s okay. You’re stressed out, I should’ve stayed with you,” the younger one smiled a little, running his fingers through Sehyoon’s wet hair, leaning in for more kisses.  
“Is Junhee okay? Did he need anything or?”  
“He just wanted to see me. I’m with you a lot, he isn’t used to, uh, not seeing me,” he nodded, letting his legs down to stand. “We really have to go now, we’re going to be so late.”  
“Fuck them, I don’t care,” Sehyoon quickly shook his head, his body still pressed against the younger one, and he rubbed his thigh in between Byeongkwan’s legs, pressing it against his crotch. He still felt needy, even after having Byeongkwan only couple hours ago really, he wanted more.  
“Sehyoon, we really can’t,” the younger one sighed, pushing his boyfriend away. He didn’t turn Sehyoon’s offers to be intimate down very often but he really had no choice this time. He could already hear Donghun’s annoyed voice. He kissed Sehyoon one last time before quickly washing off all the soap from his body and exiting the shower.  
The rapper mumbled some curse words before turning the water off and following his boyfriend to throw some clothes on and moving on to the photoshoot set.  


 


	17. 17.

**Day 156**

It didn’t took very long for Sehyoon to write and record the song Donghun asked him for – he had these kind of songs stacked on top of each other. He wrote a lot of them in the beginning of his career because he was asked to so he just took one, made it little better and recorded it. Donghun, of course, liked it and approved it pretty quickly so there was only one thing left to do. The MV. Sehyoon was dreading it and when he arrived at the set in the morning, it didn’t help at all. It was some kind of a bar, or strip club, or whatever it was supposed to be and Sehyoon could already see couple of women talking, dressed in a very… little clothing, needless to say. He expected it but it still wasn’t making him very happy.  
“I don’t want to do this,” he whined, quietly, looking at Byeongkwan. All he wanted was to go back home and spend the day just cuddling with his boyfriend but instead he had to pretend to be interested in women and that alone was just ridiculous.  
“I know, Sehyoonie. It’s going to be really quick, don’t worry,” he tried to sooth the rapper, smiling at him softly but he stepped back when he noticed Donghun approaching them. He always kept a little more of a distance from Sehyoon when Donghun was around just because when he didn’t, Donghun always threw these looks at him and he wasn’t in the mood for it. It’s been couple months since he got together with Sehyoon and he was starting to think his manager might never be fully okay with that, for whatever reason he had. It wasn’t like they talked too much, so that couldn't really be the reason. And when he tried asking Yuchan, all he had to say was that Donghun was worried about Sehyoon’s career. Which Byeongkwan didn’t see as a reason for Donghun to treat him as if he didn’t know he was dating his best friend, but apparently it was.  
“You gotta help with the girls. After you do Sehyoon’s make up, you gotta take care of Mina and maybe Soyoung as well, okay? These two,” he pointed at two women standing couple feet away, both very beautiful, long dark hair and Byeongkwan felt intimidated almost too quickly. “One of the makeup women is sick or something, I’m not sure they’ll be able to do it by their own. Be fast, we have so much work to do. Everything clear?”  
“Sure,” Byeongkwan quickly nodded, as if he had any other choice, and he quickly went over to set up his makeup station. He wasn’t too excited about it, he was Sehyoon’s makeup artist and he was supposed to only take care of him, but if they needed help he couldn’t say no.  
“Could you be more condescending? Jesus, what did he do to you?” Sehyoon rolled his eyes at his best friend and he had to hold back to not be rude. “Ask him nicely if you need something from him. He’s my fucking boyfriend, you should start treating him like so,” he added, giving Donghun a look before following Byeongkwan and sitting down on the chair.  
“Why does he hate me?” the younger one asked, mixing his foundation. By that point he knew Sehyoon’s skin tone perfectly so it didn’t took too long to do the basic steps.  
“He doesn’t hate you, baby. He’s very, uh… firm? Is that the word I’m looking for?” he chuckled a little, reaching over to gently stroke the back of Byeongkwan’s thigh, quickly enough so nobody else would notice. "He just wants to, like, protect me. And my image, you know? And he sees that when I'm around you... well, you know. It's... it might be visible that we're a thing. He's just worried."  
“I guess…”  
“We can talk to him later. Together, so we can fix anything he might see is wrong, okay? I want you two to be comfortable around each other,” he suggested and he felt relieved when Byeongkwan finally smiled at him. It was important for him to know that Byeongkwan felt comfortable when he was around Donghun since he was around him almost every single day and the last thing Sehyoon wanted was for his boyfriend to start hating his job just because Donghun was, well, a little rude every now and then.  
“That sounds good.”

Sehyoon’s makeup was done rather quickly, Byeongkwan had a lot of practice in that, and before he even realized it he was doing makeup of a girl called Mina. He never really talked to any  _back up people_  of Sehyoon’s so it was, well, weird. He had no idea what to even say so he was quiet, doing his job to the best of his abilities.  
“You’re, like, his makeup guy, right?” the girl spoke up after some time, looking over to where Sehyoon was talking to the director, before she looked back at Byeongkwan.  
“Yeah, I’m his makeup artist,” he answered quickly, trying to form some kind of a smile.  
“So are you friends?”  
“I mean… we are together quite a lot so I’d say we are, yes,” he nodded, looking at his pallet to choose the best shade – and also to avoid looking at the girl. “Why?”  
“Do you know if he’s seeing anyone?” she finally asked, biting her lip. She had her eye on the rapper for quite some time and she decided to take this opportunity and act on it.  
“Uhm, I’m—isn’t he always seeing somebody?” Kwan decided to play it the best he could, faking his most believable laugh. Great, that was exactly what he wanted, some random girl asking him,  _him from all people_ , about hitting on Sehyoon.  
“Touché,” she laughed, nodding along. “Isn’t he hot? I’ve always thought he was so hot. Is it hard being around him all the time?”  
“W-What do you mean?”  
“Well… you’re into men, aren’t you? Man, if you’re not you might want to talk to like everyone in the company,” she laughed again and Byeongkwan had to do his best not to sigh. He knew his sexuality wasn't exactly a secret but the way the girl said it made him feel rather uncomfortable, for some reason.  
“Oh… no, yes, I mean – I am. He isn’t my type, though. Little too straight for my taste,” he answered and he had to look away not to roll his eyes directly at that woman. He knew what he signed up for and he knew he’d have to get used to stuff like this sooner or later but it still wasn’t the nicest thing to have a conversation about so early in the morning. He finally decided on the eye shadow shade, asking the girl to close her eyes to start working on it.  
“I think I’m going to try my luck. What does he like? Does he like when the girl is straight forward or should I play hard to get? Come on, help a girl out. You have to know what girls he’s into by now, right?”  
“He doesn’t talk about women with me too much. But go for it, he looks like the type that would like a girl that can ask for what she wants. I think, anyway,” he shrugged, trying his best to rush through the makeup as quickly as he could while still making it look perfect.  
“Okay. I just might,” she smiled, biting her lip and Byeongkwan just prayed she wouldn’t torture his boyfriend too much.

The shooting was about halfway done when they took a break and Byeongkwan was about to go over to Sehyoon, to touch up his makeup and talk to him a little when he noticed the girl from earlier going to him first. He stopped, looking at the two of them and he felt sick when he saw how close she sat next to him, how she put her hand on Sehyoon’s thigh as if it was the most casual thing ever, how she fake laughed every two seconds. He was somehow ready to see that kind of thing happening, or at least he thought so, but actually seeing it wasn’t all rainbows and sparkles after all. He didn’t want to stare but he couldn’t help it, seeing Sehyoon lean in to whisper something in her ear for which he gained a shy chuckle from her and when he saw Sehyoon putting his arm over her shoulders, it was the last straw he needed before turning around and running to the bathroom. He suddenly felt very sick and he knew that Sehyoon was just playing his part but… he just didn’t want to see it. He didn’t want anyone touching his boyfriend. It was okay when they were shooting, it obviously had to be done, but nobody asked them to touch during the break. And he tried to rationalize it, he knew there were people around, they were taking pictures of him for all kind of stuff and presumably, Sehyoon knew that and wanted to get as many  _straight_  pictures as he could, but it just hurt. And he didn’t want it to, but it did. He's been putting on a strong front for so many years that he sometimes almost believed that he was that person, the confident and fun guy, but he wasn't. He was doubting himself every day and he knew deep down that he had no reason to doubt Sehyoon, especially with a girl, but he couldn't stop the feelings of not being worthy, good enough for the rapper suddenly surfacing.   
He was sitting on the closed toilet, trying to breathe through his hurt, when he heard a knock on the door.   
“Baby? Are you there?” Sehyoon spoke up softly, waiting for Byeongkwan to unlock the door before he opened it, looking at his boyfriend. “Are you okay? What happened?” he asked, grabbing the younger’s hand to pull him up. He locked the bathroom door so he didn’t worry about that, he just wanted to make sure Kwan was okay. When he noticed that he disappeared from the set, he went to ask Donghun if he saw him and as quickly as he realized what probably happened, he knew he had to go make it better.  
“I felt sick…,” Byeongkwan answered truthfully, looking down at his feet. He wasn’t about to cause a scene and he knew there was still so much more of shooting to go so he didn’t want to upset Sehyoon either.  
“Why?” Sehyoon sighed, softly lifting the other’s head. “Are you sure everything is okay?”  
“I just… she… she _touched_ you, I don’t… I don’t wanna watch,” he shrugged, still avoiding contact with the rapper. He felt dumb for even saying it but he wanted to be honest.  
“What? Who? Nobody—do you mean Mina? Baby, I’m not… I’m doing what I have to. I’m sorry, I didn’t realize it would make you this uncomfortable. Look at me,” he grabbed the younger’s face more firmly, still very gently though, making Byeongkwan look at him. “I’m sorry. I’ll stop, I won’t flirt with her. I think Donghun managed to get some pictures, it should be enough. I didn’t want to hurt you. Okay?”  
“Of course you didn’t, I know that. I’m not trying to tell you what to do and I know you’re doing your job, but… I just wasn’t ready to see her touch you. And to see you… It’s okay, I understand. Really, Sehyoonie. It’s fine, I just won’t look,” he answered, really not wanting to cause the rapper any trouble, and he pulled him closer, kissing him. He felt like that would make him feel better, reassured. And he sighed when the rapper grabbed him by the hips, pushing him against the wall and licking into his mouth which Byeongkwan welcomed happily. He ran his fingers through the rapper’s dark hair, pulling him as close as he could, kissing him so deeply it made him whine. He always liked when Sehyoon was kissing him with this kind of desperation. He usually did it when they couldn’t really touch during the day or when Byeongkwan didn’t come over and they didn’t see each other for maybe a day or two and it always made Byeongkwan needed. And loved. And reassured that he was the only one Sehyoon wanted, which was exactly what he needed right then.  
Sehyoon kept kissing his boyfriend, letting his hands slowly wonder from his hips more to the front, and he didn’t hesitate before unzipping his zipper and sticking his hand under Byeongkwan’s tight pants. He knew they didn’t have much time but he wanted to make Byeongkwan feel better and he was sure he would feel more calm if he could get a tiny orgasm so that was what Sehyoon was about to do. He was gladly surprised when Byeongkwan didn’t protest, only deepening the kiss and making sure he was holding onto Sehyoon strongly enough to have support in case his knees would give up.  
“Be quick,” Byeongkwan finally mumbled when Sehyoon didn’t do more under his underwear quickly enough and the rapper chuckled, biting Byeongkwan’s bottom lip. He pulled away just to have enough place to pull the younger’s pants and underwear down and he continued the kissing right after doing just that. He knew they didn’t have much time so while he was doing his best to please his boyfriend perfectly, he was rather rushing it. And Byeongkwan didn’t mind it anyway, he was just concentrating on not being too loud in case somebody would walk past the bathroom door.  
With Sehyoon’s skilled hand and Byeongkwan’s desperation, it didn’t took long before the younger reached his limit, burying his face against Sehyoon’s neck as he came, holding onto him tightly to stay standing.   
“Feeling better?” Sehyoon asked when he felt Kwan’s breath calm down, kissing the top of his boyfriend’s head.   
“Much better,” the younger one quickly nodded, leaning up to kiss Sehyoon as softly as he managed, playing with his hair. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to freak out on you like that.”  
“Don’t apologize. Don’t ever apologize, baby, your feelings are valid and I should’ve thought about it more.”  
“I love you, Sehyoon," he whined, pulling away to look at him properly. "Oh fuck. Your pants,” Byeongkwan laughed, pushing Sehyoon away to pull his own pants up and he quickly went over to the sink, taking some paper towels and trying his best to clean the rapper’s pants. Maybe it wasn’t the wisest idea to do something like that on a shoot after all.  
“Damn. I should’ve given you a blowjob,” Sehyoon laughed, looking at his pants with a giant cum stain all over them and he already knew Donghun would be pissed.  
“I’m so sorry,” Byeongkwan sighed, throwing the towels away and just looking at the mess he caused. “There’s no hope in saving this, god.”  
“It’s fine. I will go now, you stay here for couple more minutes and I’m gonna run straight to the changing room. It’s okay, baby. I’m glad you feel better,” Sehyoon smiled, leaning in for more soft kisses. He didn’t want to let go but he knew he had to, pulling away from his boyfriend, unlocking the bathroom and doing just as he said, running to the dressing room as quickly as he could.  
“Jesus fucking Christ, you  _have_  to be joking. This can’t be happening. Are you… I can’t,” Donghun was right there with him, watching him take his pants off and he had to roll his eyes again, seeing Sehyoon was not only covered in cum but also hard.  
“Shut up, Donghun,” Sehyoon answered simply, he wasn’t in the mood to argue so he just put another pair of pants on, looking down to check if anything was on his shirt as well. He took that off quickly too and he was trying to find something as similar as possible.  
“You didn’t… how… I’m speechless. I’m truly speechless. Do you think nobody noticed you both disappeared at the same time all of a sudden? And now you look like this? Your lips are fucked up, your hair is fucked up, you changed your clothes… Do you  _want_  to get outed? Like, is that your wish, do you want to ruin your career?”  
“I want you,” he turned around, “to shut up,” finishing his sentence, he finally found a shirt similar enough and he walked over to the mirror to try and fix his hair a little bit. He liked when his boyfriend played with his hair, he actually loved it, but it wasn’t the best thing right now.  
“I’m going to fire him.”  
“Excuse me?” Sehyoon looked at his manager again, shaking his head. “If you fire him, I will post our sex tape, how about that?”  
“You lost your mind. Oh my god, you went insane,” Donghun gasped, looking at his friend. “Am I asking for so much when I want you to be careful? I think I’m being really accepting of your boyfriend, but you can’t do this shit. You can’t fuck him on a shoot, Sehyoon.”  
“Why are you making it such a big deal? He needed me to make him feel better. Now he feels better. That’s it, we don’t need to have this conversation.”  
“We're going to talk. And make him fucking fix this,” he pointed at Sehyoon’s face and left the room. He knew there was no reason to argue at Sehyoon at that point so he had to make sure nobody would think anything weird about what just happened.   
Sehyoon grinned to himself, he liked winning arguments over his manager, and he made sure he looked as normal as possible before leaving the dressing room, walking over to Byeongkwan’s makeup station, waiting for him to show up. Which he did a minute later, grinning at the rapper.  
“Oh no, what happened to your makeup, Mr. Wow?” he chuckled, quickly taking all he needed to fix what he messed up. “I should calm down with the biting,” he added quietly, covering Sehyoon’s lips in as much tint as he could to hide how red and swollen they were.  
“Mhm, but I like when you do it,” Sehyoon replied with a grin, letting Byeongkwan do his job. He really couldn’t care less about what anyone on the set thought, he wasn’t about to make Byeongkwan feel like he did anything but adore him, and _only him_ , ever again. And if that meant he had to give him a certain type of attention even on the set then so be it, nothing was more important to him than his boyfriend being happy and comfortable.  
“I know,” the younger one blushed a little, finishing the touch up. “Okay, you’re all done.”  
“I’ll be done quickly. And once we get home…”  
“I know, Sehyoonie. It’s gonna be a long night,” Byeongkwan chuckled shyly, pushing Sehyoon’s hair back to make it look a little better before he stepped back and let him return to the set.

The other half of the shooting was more of twerking and dancing and Sehyoon being overall very, very sexy looking, licking his lips and winking at the camera and Byeongkwan really enjoyed it that time. The girls were still dancing on him and with him but it was definitely a whole lot different then before.  
Sehyoon really knew how to calm his boyfriend down.


	18. 18.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some bro time

**Day 161**

 

Sehyoon was sitting on a couch in Donghun’s house, looking around and trying to think of a way to approach the conversation he wanted to have. He talked some more with Byeongkwan about the whole situation and he knew there must’ve been something that set Donghun off – he wasn’t the type to treat anyone close to Sehyoon badly and it was just so unlike him to be lowkey rude to Byeongkwan. Something must’ve happened and Sehyoon needed to know what it was so that they all could solve it and be friends, Sehyoon really needed his best friend and his boyfriend to get along.

“Okay, what do you want to talk about?” Donghun joined his friend on the couch, handing him a bottle of beer and keeping one for himself as well. Sehyoon didn’t ask to come over often, especially lately when he was spending all his time with his makeup boy.  
“Nothing in particular. I just feel like we don’t talk very much these days, I wanted to spend some time with you,” Sehyoon shrugged, lying a little but it was true that they were barely together outside of work and he wanted to change that. He knew it was mostly his fault for locking himself up with Byeongkwan every chance he got but he could feel that Byeongkwan was craving some time with his friends as well so it was probably a good idea for the both of them, the last thing he wanted to do was suffocate Byeongkwan with his love.  
“Well, and why is that?” Donghun chuckled, shaking his head. He wasn’t mad that Sehyoon wanted to spend time with his boyfriend but it did hurt a little how quick he was just tossing Donghun aside and being fine with not being with him as a friend outside of work. But he was trying his best not to be bitter about it, he knew how much Sehyoon needed to be in love and be loved.  
“Donghun, don’t be salty. It’s not like you’re inviting me every other day to come spend time with you, right? If you did, I’d always come. But you don’t mind spending time with Yuchan either, do you?” he smiled, punching Donghun’s shoulder lightly. He figured the conversation would be easier if Donghun would be in a better mood. “Isn’t it your two year anniversary like next month?”  
“Yea, on the 4th. But he has a concert in Japan so I think we’ll have to celebrate it before he goes. I have no idea how, though. Like, I give him presents all the time, I really don’t know what to do to make him feel special,” the older man sighed, taking a big gulp from his beer. He always wanted to make Yuchan happy and the fact that they couldn’t be together on such an important day made him sad a little.  
“Why don’t you just go with him?”  
“On the 4th? On the day of _your_ concert? I don’t think so,” Dong shook his head, finishing his beer. He was always quick with beer. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. I will do something for him. Something nice.”  
“Oh right, I forgot I had that… Well, you can always do what you recommended me, right? Let him top?” the rapper chuckled, looking at his friend. He really wanted him to at least smile, he looked too serious.  
“Who said I don’t let him do that already?” he grinned, leaning back on the couch, stretching his legs on Sehyoon’s lap.  
“Oh please, don’t tell me you would let that happen without talking to me first?!” Sehyoon tried his best to look hurt, resting his hands on the older’s legs, softly stroking them. He was glad Donghun finally started looking more comfortable.  
“Of course I wouldn’t,” he laughed, shaking his head. “I did offer that to him couple times but he doesn’t seem very interested in it. I can’t blame him, being a top is fucking exhausting,” he added, not like he was complaining though. It was definitely worth the hard work.  
“I mean… not with Byeongkwan. I can usually start of on top but he likes… you know, like… you know,” he didn’t want to say it out loud even though he knew Donghun wouldn’t really care. He needed couple more beers to be more vocal about things like that.  
“I hear you, it’s time for more,” Donghun laughed, leaning in to slap a sloppy kiss on Sehyoon’s forehead before getting up and coming back shortly with two bottles of soju. That sounded more appropriate than beer. “So, he rides you often, yea?” he continued the conversation with a grin on his face.  
“Oh my god, Donghun,” Sehyoon hid his face against one of the couch pillows, but he nodded a little. “I told you he is a power bottom,” he mumbled into the pillow and he could feel his face getting all red.   
“Man, can he teach Yuchan something? I mean, I am not complaining at all but he likes being pampered way too much to even try being in charge. It must be so hot, right? You’re so lucky, bro,” he laughed, grabbing the pillow Sehyoon was holding to throw it away and lean against the younger man. He felt like cuddling up a bit.  
“I can ask him,” Sehyoon chuckled, putting his arm around the older man and pulling him little closer before drinking some of that soju he was given earlier. If Donghun wanted to drink some, he couldn’t leave him alone in it. “Why don’t you just Yuchan yourself, though? I’m sure he would, you know, meet your needs if he knew them.”  
“I don’t want to make him feel like he needs to do things to make me satisfied. I know him, he’d take it the wrong way, like he is not doing enough for me and I don’t want that,” the older man shook his head.  
"I guess you're right about that."

An hour, and four bottles of soju, later, Donghun was spread all over the couch with his head in Sehyoon’s lap, the rapper was playing with his hair and they were talking about, well, nothing really. And Sehyoon thought that was the perfect time to bring up Byeongkwan, since Donghun seemed to be in a very chill mood.  
“I need something from you,” he started gently, putting away his empty bottle to have two free hands and he started braiding the older’s hair.   
“What would that be?” he mumbled, his eyes closed, he was just enjoying what Sehyoon was doing. He liked when people played with his hair, it was very relaxing.  
“I need you to be nicer to Byeongkwan.”  
“Huh?” he opened his eyes again, looking at the man’s face above him. “What do you mean?”  
“You know what I mean. You’re… too bossy. With him. Sometimes… You can talk to him, you know, nicely, right?”  
“What are you talking about?” Donghun frowned, sitting up to look at Sehyoon properly. “I don’t treat him badly, Sehyoon. He is an employee, I treat all of them equally.”  
“Yes, you do. But he is not just an _employee_ ,” he pointed out, looking at his friend. “I don’t want… I don’t mean it… look, I just don’t want him to be uncomfortable when he’s at work, Donghun. You can be nice to him, right? For me?”  
“Was he complaining to you about something I said? Where the fuck is this coming from?” Donghun’s good mood was slowly but surely vanishing away. “I am not going to give him special treatment just because you fuck him, Sehyoon.”  
“I am not saying that at all. I am just asking you to be nicer to my boyfriend. I know you want the best for my career but I want you two to be friends. You keep pushing him away, when was the last time you had any kind of conversation with him?” Sehyoon sighed, reaching to grab Donghun’s hand. “You’re my only family, Donghun. This is so important for me.”  
“Oh fuck that,” the older one shook his head, getting up from the couch. “You keep fucking up because of him. How am I supposed to be okay with that when you keep fucking up? I asked you for _one thing_ , Sehyoon. One fucking thing, I asked you to be careful. Are you? No. You fuck him on set. You fuck him in my recording studio. You punch a guy in a club. You’re not only ruining your career, you’re ruining mine as well.”  
“I didn’t _fuck_ him anywhere, Donghun. I didn’t… how do you know about the studio? Did Yuchan tell you?” he asked, he had to know. It took him a second before he realized. “Oh, the USB…”  
“Yes, the fucking USB. What if I played it at a meeting with other people? What if someone else got to it before me, what if it somehow got out? And the fact that you didn’t fuck but _only_ blew him doesn’t change anything, Sehyoon. I wanted to be accepting of him, I did try but I can’t do this when you’re behaving as if you didn’t care about your career at all. And maybe you don’t, but I do. I need this job, I love this job.”  
“I’m not trying to… I’m sorry. But it’s not his fault. It’s on me, can you talk to me about this instead of taking it out on him?” Sehyoon reached for Donghun’s arm again, pulling him down to sit. “Don’t get upset, Donghun. I’m trying to make it all better, I don’t want you to be mad at me. I will be more careful, I promise.”  
“Your fault my ass, he was the one who came onto you in the recording booth. I can’t be calm, you are the one who brought this shit up. I want you to be happy, you know that, but I can’t put my job aside like you do. I can’t stop caring just because you did.”  
“I didn’t stop caring. I’m just… so tired. I’m tired, aren’t you? I don’t wanna keep hiding who I am, I don’t want to pretend I’m something that I’m not and I’ll never be,” Sehyoon sighed again, he didn’t want to have the same conversation with Donghun again and he knew Donghun understood where he was coming from but it was hard for him to really do anything. “I want to come out.”  
“You have to be joking,” the older shook his head right away, that was in no way a thing he’d allow. “You can’t. You’d get sued. You know you can’t, Sehyoon. Look, you have two years left on your contract, we can do it for two more years,” Donghun almost begged, he couldn’t even imagine the shit the CEO would put him through if an artist he manages would come out. That would be the end of his career.  
“Be nice to Byeongkwan,” Sehyoon spoke up after a while of silence, he didn’t want to argue. He knew that if he did come out while under the company, it would cause him a lot of trouble. And he wouldn’t care as much if it was only his career on the line but sadly that wasn’t the case. “I beg you, please be nice to my boyfriend.”  
“I will try to be nicer,” Donghun finally nodded, taking the last bottle that was on the table and finishing it, before he looked at his phone. “It’s late.”  
“Do you have somewhere else to be?” Sehyoon asked, knowing the answer was no, and he pulled the older man closer again, cuddling his face against the older’s arm. “I am really sorry for causing you trouble, Donggie. You know I am not doing it on purpose, I just can’t control myself around him sometimes. I was without an ass for so long,” he whined a little, pulling away again.  
“It’s not my fault, I was trying to get you a good fuck this whole time, wasn’t I?” the younger grinned again, slapping the rapper’s thigh. “Just keep your dick in your pants when you’re somewhere in public. It can’t be that hard, I’ve been doing it for years.”  
“You’re an alpha male. I’m merely a young man full of stamina who needs to fuck every day,” he did his best to show his puppy eyes but he felt the alcohol in him and he knew they probably weren’t as adorable as he’d hope.  
“You fuck every day? Don’t tell me he lets you fuck him every day, that’d be so exhausting for him,” Donghun laughed, putting his legs up on the table to relax again. He was glad the conversation was no longer revolving around Sehyoon’s stupidity. He didn't like being mean to his best friend but he was his manager as well and he had to think about his job.  
“I mean, I’m not _in him_ every day but he takes care of me every day. We’re still in the honeymoon state, it’s hard not to touch,” he stuck his tongue out, knowing Donghun was just the same in the beginning with Yuchan, he barely ever kept his hands off of him for the first couple of months.   
“Lucky. Yuchan is so exhausted with this promotions we barely kiss - let alone fuck,” the older one sighed, he would never complain about it to Yuchan because he knew how hard his boyfriend was working but he was getting tired of handjobs from himself.   
“I mean… you can always find other people to have fun with, right? Didn’t you say Yuchan wanted an open relationship?” Not like Sehyoon would ever even consider something like that but he knew the situation was very different with the other two.   
“He said that in the beginning because he didn’t want me to get bored. And I don’t think I could sleep with someone else, I know Yuchan wouldn’t be okay with it. Like, he’d say he is but I know him. He’d be so hurt.”  
“You’re probably right, I can’t see him being okay with you sleeping with someone else either,” Sehyoon nodded, it was a nice idea in theory, to find someone to help out since they were apart for a long period of time sometimes, when Yuchan was on tour or when Sehyoon was, but that’s all that it was – a theory. Sehyoon didn’t really believe in polyamorous relationships at all.  
“Did I tell you that he told me to sleep with you?” Donghun laughed, shaking his head. “I mean, he was pretty drunk, but he, like, actually said that.”  
“We tried that already, didn’t we?” the rapper laughed too, it was still haunting his memory. The time him and Donghun thought they might as well just be together since they were both into men, as if that meant they were in any way compatible.   
“Yo, that’s on you though. I’d fuck you,” the older one shook his head, leaning down to lay his head in Sehyoon’s lap again. It was really comfortable, Sehyoon was big and soft and Donghun liked that about his friend a lot. “You’re the one that didn’t want to.”  
“Come on, can you actually imagine what would happen if we did it? You’re like a brother to me, I’d never be desperate enough to… do _that_ with you,” Sehyoon laughed again, resting his hand on the older’s tummy. He was perfectly content with not ever doing anything more than kissing his best friend. He could be a very awkward person and if they ended up sleeping together, he could never look at Donghun the same way.  
“Well, first of all, you don’t know what you’re missing out on,” he smirked, “and second of all, I agree. How did we even get to this conversation anyway?”  
“I think it was you being horny who got us to this conversation,” he said truthfully, from what Donghun said he probably didn’t get much action with Yuchan lately. “And the soju,” he added with a grin on his face, Donghun was normally a very open person but it multiplied when he was drunk. Which he wasn’t _too_ drunk, but he definitely wasn’t sober either.  
“I’m not horny!” Donghun gasped jokingly, slapping the younger’s arm. “Okay, maybe I am horny. Speaking of which,” he reached for his phone, checking the message he got from Yuchan a while ago but still didn’t answer. “I think Yuchan is not coming home today. He was supposed to return from Busan but it seems like they decided to stay there overnight.”  
“Okay. I’ll stay with you then,” Sehyoon nodded, reaching for his phone too. “I’ll call Byeongkwan, be right back,” he said before getting up and walking to the other room, just to inform his boyfriend he wouldn’t be coming home. Some bro time with Donghun didn't sound bad at all.


	19. 19.

**Day 193**

Sehyoon was sitting in the recording studio, alone, staring at his phone. It was his mother’s birthday and he knew he should call but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He was sitting there like that for half an hour and the most he’s done till then was open her contact in his phone. He didn’t really talk to her for months, ever since he met Byeongkwan to be exact. He felt so guilty for falling for a man, really falling for him, that he couldn’t face talking to her. He sent her a message here and there, to let her know he was okay and stuff like that but they didn’t have any kind of conversation for so long because he hated that he felt like that. He didn’t want to feel guilty, he loved Byeongkwan so dearly and the fact that even the thought of his mother made him feel ashamed of that was breaking his heart. It was so much easier to talk to his father because he simply didn’t ever really poke at the relationship kind of things but his mother always did.  
He took a deep breath, got up from the chair and finally clicked on that green button.

“Hello?” was the first thing Sehyoon heard after a while of ringing sounds. He almost started to think she wouldn’t even answer his call – and he wouldn’t be too surprised.  
“Hi, mom,” he spoke softly, hoping it would be a very quick call. He was supposed to meet up with Byeongkwan in an hour and he wanted to be okay for that. Somehow his mother always managed to make him not okay, sometimes for days at end.  
“Hello, Sehyoon,” the answer was cold and the rapper already regretted calling in the first place.  
“Uh, happy birthday,” he decided to just go straight to the point, there was no reason to try and spark a pleasant conversation anyway.  
“Thank you, honey. When are you coming to see me? It’s been a long, long time.”  
“Yeah, I’m… busy. I’m gonna be releasing a new, uh, song. In couple weeks,” he mumbled, walking back and forth across the little studio. Honestly, the last thing he wanted was to go over there to see her disappointed face once he’d mention, well, anything at all happening in his life really.  
“When will you stop doing that, Sehyoon? That music is awful, I can’t believe anyone would listen to it. Why can’t you find a proper job already? You’re getting old.”  
“Thanks, mom…,” he sighed, shaking his head. If he wasn’t brought up to respect his parents, he’d just hang up on her. “I love my work, I already told you. It’s a good job. Pays your rent, doesn’t it?”  
“Sehyoon,” his mother growled, she didn’t like the tone he was using. Even though she heard it many times before. “Come visit us.”  
“I really can’t, ma.”  
“Why? Are you… is there someone?” she didn’t really want to know but after all, she wanted to be prepared if anything were to happen. She was living that nightmare every day, not knowing what would come out about her own son. The shame she’d have to go through if anybody knew that her son was like that.  
“You don’t want to know that, do you?” Sehyoon replied, hearing the disgust in her voice. It broke his heart every time, no matter how many times it happened. He really tried to get over it but knowing your own mother hates you wasn’t the easiest thing.  
“So there is. A… _man_?”  
“Mom, let’s just… not talk about this. Okay? I will send you something for your birthday later.”  
“You know it’s wrong, right? I know you know it, Sehyoon. We didn’t raise you like this. You have to get help, professional help. I can call-“  
“Stop, mother,” Sehyoon interrupted, the last thing he needed was to hear that bullshit again. He's heard it every day of growing up and he's heard it every time he came to visit, he didn't need it any more. He was old enough to have his mother just... shut the hell up.  
“If you weren’t ashamed of it, you would tell me about him. It’s not normal, Sehyoon. Will I ever have grandchildren?” she sighed, the disappointment in her voice so obvious. She couldn’t help but wonder when her son would come to his senses, the time was ticking and the older he was, the worse his behavior was as well. He didn’t have that much time left to find someone to have a normal, healthy family with.  
“I’m not ashamed of him, mom. I love him, and I know you don’t want to hear this so just drop it, alright? I have to go…,” he was trying his best to stay calm but it was hurting him more than he could ever explain. And it hurt even more that his mother couldn’t tell. Or she could, but didn’t care.  
“ _Love_? What do you people know about love? It’s not love. It’s sick, you’re sick.”  
“Okay, mom,” he knew there was no point in arguing and honestly he didn’t have the strength for these conversations anymore. “Tell dad I said hi for me, will you?”  
“Come home. We can take care of you, we will get over it together. You are always welcomed here, as long as you want to change, we can help you. Me and your father both, we love you so much, Sehyoon. We want you to be good, we want you to do better,” she continued, Sehyoon needed to know. He had to know that there was a better way.  
“Great, can I bring Byeongkwan too, then? I’d love for you to meet him. Byeongkwan, that’s his name by the way. He’s really beautiful, mother,” Sehyoon replied, he decided that if his mother wouldn’t stop then he had to fight it with what she didn’t want to hear. “I think he might be the one, actually. I can’t wait to invite you to our wedding.”  
“Don’t you dare ever do something like that, Sehyoon. Don’t you dare disrespect our family like that.”  
“Me? _I’m_ the one being disrespectful? Really, mom? Me being in love with a wonderful, kind man that loves me, _truly_ loves me, is disrespectful?”  
“You’re disgusting,” was the last thing Sehyoon heard before his mother ended the call and he screamed before throwing his phone across the room.  
He hated it. He hated his mother, he hated himself and he hated how much he let it affect him. He should be okay with it, after all the years he should be used to it but each time it happened, it only seemed to hurt more. As the years passed, he really thought she could just accept it and move on but at that point he knew that could never happen. She didn’t care enough, she didn’t love him enough to accept him as he was and he knew she never would.

*

It was an hour later and he was sitting in a coffee shop, his broken phone on the table, and he really hoped the plans didn’t change. He wanted to go buy a new phone right away but he had to calm down and finish everything and before he realized it was time to go. He was drinking wine, the only alcoholic thing they had in the coffee shop, and he kept looking around, waiting for his other half to show up.  
Finally, the doors opened and he saw the grey haired man walk through them with a beautiful smile on his face. It made him feel better immediately, it always did. Byeongkwan had a magical effect on him, no matter how bad he felt, everything seemed a little bit easier when he smiled at him.  
“Hello, Sehyoonie,” he greeted him, sitting across from him and taking off his hoodie. He wanted to kiss him but he knew he couldn’t do that in public, so he just reached over the table to squeeze his hand. “What happened with your phone?” he asked when he finally noticed the shattered thing laying on the table.  
“Oh, uh… nothing. Nothing, I dropped it,” the rapper lied, finishing his wine and ringing the little bell to call the waitress over. He needed another one – even though he already downed 4 while waiting for his boyfriend. By that point the waitress didn’t even have to really ask what he wanted to order.  
“What’s wrong, love?” Byeongkwan frowned, he could see that Sehyoon was distressed and he didn’t like that at all.  
“It’s fine. Really, everything is fine,” he lied again, looking at the waitress when she finally came back. “One more, please.”  
“I… Can I get an Americano? Thank you,” he said as quickly as he could, looking back at his boyfriend when the lady went away. “How much did you drink, Sehyoon?”  
“Baby, I said I’m fine,” he repeated and he could tell that Byeongkwan didn’t believe him but the last thing he wanted was mention anything about it in public. Though he had a feeling Byeongkwan wouldn’t let it go.  
“Stop lying, tell me what happened.”  
“I just… called my mother. It’s fine,” he finally answered and he could see the drop on Byeongkwan’s face. He didn’t have the most information about his and his mother’s relationship but honestly he didn’t really need to know details – the gist of it was pretty simple.  
“Oh… why?” he sighed, he really wanted to walk over the table and hug the hell out of Sehyoon but he was holding back. He knew they didn’t need more _friendly_ pictures of them out there. They just should’ve met somewhere else, which he was proposing but sadly Sehyoon wasn’t answering his phone and it was pretty obvious why by then.  
“It’s her birthday. It’s okay, though. Really, you don’t have to worry. I’m just a little… shaken by her, but that always happens. I promise, I’m fine,” he tried to sound reassuring but he was pretty sure it didn’t work too much – Byeongkwan still looked very worried.  
“You… what did she say?” he had to ask, he wanted to know what exactly happened. He wanted to know everything happening with Sehyoon so he could do the most to help him feel better.  
“She always says something stupid, baby. I don’t want to burden you with this. I promise, I will be fine. Two more glasses of this and everything will be okay,” he chuckled, taking the new glass the waitress brought over. “Don’t look at me like that.”  
“You won’t _burden_ me, Sehyoon. Please, talk to me,” he sighed, reaching over the table to hold Sehyoon’s hand. He didn’t care if anybody saw them at that moment, he just wanted to be there for his boyfriend. And they were sitting in the corner so hopefully nobody would notice them.  
“She said what she always says. That I’m disgusting and sick and she’s ashamed that I’m her son,” the older one finally said, shrugging along with his words. “It sounds worse than it is. I am used to this, Byeongkwan. Don’t overthink it, okay? Everything is fine, I have you now and that’s all that matters.”  
“You know that none of it is true, right? I hate that she talks to you like that, I’m so sorry,” Byeongkwan sighed, trying his best to keep his calm. The thought of Sehyoon hurting was killing him and he could see that he was hurt. It was so unfair, he didn’t deserve anything like that.  
“Well, at least she knows about you now. She pissed me off so I told her that I have a beautiful boyfriend,” Sehyoon smiled, trying to lift the atmosphere a little bit. The last thing he wanted was to make Byeongkwan sad. It wasn’t his problem, it shouldn’t be on Kwan’s shoulders that Sehyoon’s mother could be so mean. And he did understand that Byeongkwan was worried, it would probably be pretty bad if he didn’t care at all, but Sehyoon didn’t want to burden him with it. It still wasn’t that long of them being together and he wanted to make Byeongkwan happy, always happy.  
“That’s… nice, love,” the grey haired man smiled a little, letting go of Sehyoon’s hand when couple people went over to get a signature and a selca.  
It was time to go back to celebrity duties it seemed.

*

“Okay, you have to tell me if it tastes bad, okay?” Byeongkwan chuckled, walking over to Sehyoon with a plate in his hand. He decided that the best way to cheer his boyfriend up was to cook him some meal, take care of him and make him forget that any kind of call with his mother even happened. And so far it seemed to be working fine, Sehyoon was a little tipsy and seemed more cheerful, especially seeing the big portion Byeongkwan brought him.  
“I didn’t eat all day, how did you know?” he laughed, grabbing the chopsticks – he was ready to eat. It happened quite often that Sehyoon didn’t eat for a very long time but ever since he started dating this little man, he gained quite a lot. Which wasn’t too bad, he was working out and he enjoyed Byeongkwan’s cooking, but he was still getting used to it.  
“I told you that you have to eat, Sehyoonie. I like you meaty,” Byeongkwan smirked, leaning in to kiss his boyfriend before walking back to the stove, making a plate for himself too. He sat down next to Sehyoon, slowly starting to eat.  
“I noticed,” the rapper laughed again, eating all the food he got. He couldn’t complain, the food was too good for him to complain. Donghun did tell him to watch what he ate but he didn’t want to care anymore. And from what he read online, his fans didn’t mind him getting thicker either.  
“ _What_? It’s not bad, is it? Would you want me to be skinnier?” the younger raised his eyebrow, looking at his boyfriend. He wasn’t as big as Sehyoon but he definitely tried to keep his body as nice as he could. Which wasn’t that hard, he loved to dance and since he spent less time with Sehyoon the last couple of weeks, he got more into it again so he hoped Sehyoon liked him more toned.  
“Not at all, baby! I love you just the way you are. Or gonna be. Or want to be. You have my full support to do whatever you want, you’re stunning either way,” Sehyoon quickly reassured, there was nothing on Byeongkwan’s body that he didn’t like. He knew Byeongkwan was dealing with some insecurities but he didn’t really talk about it so Sehyoon’s only job was to reassure him that he was perfect the way he was.  
“Aww, that’s so sweet, Sehyoonie,” the younger one smile, rubbing his legs against the rapper’s under the table. “Well, I don’t think you need to change either but I’ll always welcome some more of you,” he added, he had to say it. Sehyoon was always his weakness, ever since he became his fan, but the way he was gaining muscle lately was more than satisfying. He loved being able to hide in his big arms and pretend nothing but the two of them existed. It was very calming.  
“Noted,” he nodded, continuing to eat his food. He was determined to finish all of it, he’d never disrespect Byeongkwan’s cooking by leaving any on the plate.

*

“Sehyoonie?” Byeongkwan spoke up after some time of nothing but the sound of heavy breathing filling the room. He let Sehyoon catch his breath before sparking a conversation but he couldn’t help himself, no matter how much he tried he couldn’t let it go. The way Sehyoon treated him that night, how he was way more rough than usual – not like Byeongkwan minded, it was a nice change, but he didn’t want it if the reason behind it was Sehyoon’s pain.  
“Yea?” the older breathed out, looking at the smaller man lying on him.  
“I love you,” he said softly, placing a kiss on the older’s chest. He wasn’t sure what exactly he should say but he wanted Sehyoon to know he’d do anything in his power to support him.  
“I know, baby,” Sehyoon smiled, cupping the younger’s face in his hands and bringing him closer to kiss him. “I love you too.”  
“Okay. I just want you to know it. And remember it. Because there’s nothing wrong with… you,” he decided to be more specific and he could see Sehyoon’s smile disappear. The rapper was really hoping that Byeongkwan would just forget he ever even mentioned his mother. Maybe he really shouldn’t have done that.  
“Byeongkwan, I told you I am fine.”  
“But I know you’re not. I see it, and I understand that you can’t be fine, it’s okay. I just… I want to help you.” Though he wasn’t sure there was anything he could do to help, he wanted to try at least asking. “If you need… you know, you can be rough with me. If it helps you, I like when you’re in charge like that,” he said softly, knowing Sehyoon wasn’t the most comfortable with having conversations about sex unless it was happening or about to happen, but he had to let him know.  
“What? Was I rough? Baby, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to, I don’t want to take anything out on you,” he quickly sat up, holding Byeongkwan’s body close to his, rubbing his back. He knew he was quite rough with people in the past, not hurting anyone but really taking the lead, but he didn’t want to be like that with Byeongkwan. He wanted to love him and be soft with him because he deserved to be taken care of.  
“Sehyoonie, I like it,” he repeated, pulling away just enough to be able to look at the older man. “I like it a lot, actually. I know you like making love to me and so do I but it’s not bad to just fuck every now and then, right? And it’s a bonus if it helps you let some steam out,” he smirked, trying to make Sehyoon see that he really didn’t mind it whatsoever.  
“You’re not a fuck to me, Byeongkwan. I had a lot of them and I don't need any more,” Sehyoon shook his head. He couldn’t say he didn’t like it, he actually felt very satisfied after what they just did couple minutes ago, but it made him feel guilty. He couldn’t help it.  
“I know, and it’s okay if you don’t want to, I am just saying I don’t mind. Alright? If you ever feel like taking the charge and taking care of me more, you know, _harshly_ , I’ll welcome it,” he smiled, running his fingers through Sehyoon’s blonde hair. “You’re so hot on top of me,” he added, leaning in to bite the older’s bottom lip, licking into his mouth for a longer kiss this time. He wouldn’t pressure Sehyoon into something he wasn’t comfortable with but he could see the rapper enjoyed it just as much as Byeongkwan did.  
“I’ll think about it,” Sehyoon finally nodded, grabbing Byeongkwan by his hips and pushing him on the bed, getting on top of him again. “But I think I have to be really nice to you now,” he grinned, running his hands along the younger’s sides, rubbing his thigh against the younger's crotch.  
“Yeah?” Kwan smiled softly, wrapping his arms around Sehyoon’s neck. He was always ready for another round, especially with Sehyoon on top again.  
Sehyoon just nodded again and leaned in to connect their lips. He was determined to be gentle to every last part of the younger’s body, to make sure that if he was rough earlier, every part of his body would feel nothing but softness after he was done this time.


	20. 20

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a tiny bit longer than the other ones so get a snack or something hh.

**Day 198**

It’s been so long since Byeongkwan has been in his own apartment that it almost felt like a foreign place. He recognized all his things, every memory he had in that little square, but it felt so unfamiliar. He was sitting on his couch, drinking from his glass, yet he didn’t feel home. He thought it was weird, how quickly a person can become your home. Sometimes it was hard to believe everything that’s happened in the last couple of months, how much his life changed. Every now and then he had to take a step back, take a deep breath and make sure that he wasn’t imagining it. That he man he was hoping to find for 24 years just showed up in his life all of a sudden and though he did suffer in the beginning, by that point he almost couldn’t remember any of the bad stuff. All he thought about was how insanely happy he was, how he was waking up every morning in Sehyoon’s arms and how nothing ever made so much sense before. He wasn’t sure if he believed in anything like fate or soulmates but if any of it was real, Sehyoon was that for him. The first day they met, the first time they talked, Byeongkwan felt something he’s never felt before and it was so clear what that feeling was. How they clicked, the instant connection that they had, the connection Byeongkwan craved ever since he’s broken up with his ex. and he got so much more than he could ever ask for, Sehyoon was more than everything he’s ever wanted. He was so in love with the rapper that he thought he might be as well going crazy. They decided together that they should spend a little more time apart so they don’t suffocate each other but  even when they weren’t together, they kept texting and the rapper was all that was on Byeongkwan’s mind most of the time anyway. Though it was nice to spend some time apart, he was always that much more excited to come home to him at the end of the day.

A doorbell snapped Byeongkwan from his thoughts and he quickly got up from the couch, buzzing the other man in and waiting for him with open arms when he finally got up the stairs to Byeongkwan’s floor.  
“Hello!” he smiled, hugging his best friend tightly. “You look so good, babe!” he clapped, leading the older man inside his apartment.  
“Well thank you, you don’t look bad yourself,” Junhee grinned, following his friend inside. They’ve been seeing each other quite often lately which was indeed very nice, though Junhee had other friends, he’s never been closer to anyone so he missed Byeongkwan when he spent all his time with his new boo. “So what is the big boyfriend emergency you need to talk about?”  
“Wait, I need a glass for that,” the younger one giggled, grabbing a bottle of wine and two glasses before walking back to the living room on the couch. He poured some for himself and Junhee, handing him the glass when he sat down next to him. “Okay. So. It’s going to be Sehyoonie’s birthday in literally 3 days and I have no idea what to do. Donghun is throwing him a party but we’ll be alone after that eventually and I just… I have no idea. The only thing we ever _celebrated_ together, if you can even call it that, is Christmas and I bought him stupid sneakers for that and he didn't give me anything. And when he had the one month anniversary thing he bought me flowers but I have a feeling he is not that much into flowers and I just... Help?” he spat it all out as quickly as he could and Junhee laughed at how desperate his best friend looked. It was cute.  
“Ohhh, am I invited to the party?” he smirked, feeling satisfied when he saw Byeongkwan nod. That obviously wasn’t the part Byeongkwan wanted to talk about at that moment though, Junhee got that. “Okay, what could you do for your special big man? Do you want to, like, buy him something? Or literally _do_ something for him?”  
“I don’t know. He has money, he can buy everything he wants so if I were to buy him something, it’d have to be something very special. I was thinking about buying him a ring with a date, like on the inside? The date we… you know, when we officially said we’d be boyfriends. But he doesn’t like rings very much,” he frowned, sipping from his glass. It was difficult to find something that his boyfriend would want because he never spoke about things he’d like to buy – he just bought them.  
“That’s so cute, though! That’s a really nice idea,” Junhee quickly nodded. “You can buy him a necklace so he can wear the ring on it if he doesn’t like wearing rings on his fingers.”  
“Yeah? You think he’d like that? He is not very, like… you know, he doesn’t buy expensive things just to have expensive things but I’d like to get him a really nice ring that he’d love,” he sighed a little, it was difficult doing something special for a man that could have anything he asked for. Well, almost anything.  
“Good! Let’s go then,” Junhee finished his glass, getting up from the couch and dragging his best friend along. “You know, the sooner we choose a nice ring the sooner they’ll be able to make it perfect for you. Do you know his ring size?”  
“I do, I made him try my rings on very casually,” he giggled, taking his wallet and following Junhee outside his apartment. Junhee was always so quick to just do what had to be done, it was one of his many great qualities.  
“You’re a smart cookie, aren’t you?” the black haired man grinned, letting go of Byeongkwan’s hand just to stop a taxi. “Oh, by the way… is he doing better?” Junhee spoke up again after telling the driver where to go, looking at the man besides him. He’s told him that his boyfriend had a very unpleasant conversation with his mother and it made Junhee worried, especially because it made Byeongkwan worried too. He didn’t want his best friend to feel guilty for dating him just because his mother disapproved of it.  
“Good. Better. He is going to be fine, he composed some new songs and that helped him quite a lot I think. He’s also worked out like crazy this last week, so hopefully he is… you know, dealing,” Byeongkwan shrugged, looking out the window. He knew that Sehyoon didn’t want to talk about it and he didn’t want to force him into it so he just didn’t mention it. He was hoping that if it was really hurting his boyfriend, he would come to him and open up. That was all he could do anyway.  
“Okay, honey. I'm glad,” Junhee nodded, Byeongkwan obviously didn’t want to have this conversation so Junhee decided to go back to the ring talk instead – that sounded like more fun.

**Day 201**

Sehyoon was grateful to his best friend for throwing him a birthday party, he really was, but he couldn’t help being annoyed. He didn’t quite understand why Donghun chose to rent out a whole club to have this huge gathering instead of getting couple people closest to Sehyoon so he could actually spend his birthday he really wanted – stuck to Byeongkwan. Of course he wouldn’t complain to Donghun, he didn’t want his best friend to feel bad for doing something nice for him but… it simply wasn’t what he really wished he’d have. He was sitting on a bar stool, slowly drinking his beer and keeping his eyes on the boy on the dance floor. Byeongkwan invited Junhee so they were dancing together and Sehyoon was, needless to say, suffering. All he wanted to do was go to him and grab him and hold him close but he couldn’t do that so instead of that he was sipping on his fizzed out beer and hoping the night would go by quickly.

“I fucked up, didn’t I?” Donghun’s voice came from behind and Sehyoon turned around. He didn’t want to stop staring at Byeongkwan but well, sacrifices had to be made sometimes.  
“Huh?” he raised his eyebrow, looking at his best friend. He looked little tipsy, which was nice to see because he was working way too hard these days so Sehyoon really liked seeing him have some proper fun. It wasn’t very common for Donghun, he did have a beer couple times a week but he never got drunk, it was more for the taste that he for some reason liked. Sehyoon didn’t like beer too much but he learned to drink it when he realized it was more acceptable than his little sweet cocktails that apparently weren’t _manly_ enough.  
“You know, I did want to have just a little party for, like, the 4 of us but Yuchan thought you’d like this. Watching your boy dance and all that jazz. And he said you spend too much time at home so you should party tonight,” he explained his decision to have such a big party and Sehyoon couldn’t stop the chuckle. Of course Yuchan would say something like that, he was always dragging Sehyoon out when he could.  
“It’s fine. It’s nice, really. Don’t worry,” Sehyoon smiled, wrapping his arm around the standing man’s waist, bringing him closer to hide his face against his stomach. He then continued talking, which wasn’t the wisest of his ideas.  
“Bro, you know I can’t hear you, right?” Donghun laughed, pulling away a little bit. “What did you say?”  
“I can’t look at him anymore, I swear I have precum in my pants already,” he repeated what he said before, surprised by himself since he was still sober and he didn’t usually voice his frustrations so openly, but he couldn’t help himself. Byeongkwan was always sexy, obviously, but for some reason he decided to put his beautiful, grey hair into two little ponytails on the top of his head for that event and that was both the cutest and the hottest thing Sehyoon has ever seen. That combined with the painfully short croptop with a yellow print so loud nobody could miss it, it was all just too much for Sehyoon’s little heart.  
“Oh no, my little man is suffering, huh?” the older man laughed again, messing with Sehyoon’s hair. “You know… that friend of his… fuck, man. I’d take him home in a heartbeat,” he spoke up his fantasies, looking at the two men at the dance floor. Byeongkwan’s friend was stunning, Donghun didn’t really stop thinking about him ever since meeting him at Sehyoon’s concert couple months back and it seemed like he only got even more beautiful since the last time they’ve met.  
“What?” Sehyoon raised his eyebrow, looking at the dance floor and back at his friend. “Junhee? You… you like Junhee?”  
“I mean, I don’t _like_ him. I don’t know him, I’m just saying that I’d fuck the shit out him if I could,” he shrugged, finishing his drink and ordering another one. “Don’t do that face, Sehyoon. I’m not _gonna_ , I’m just saying I’d like to,” he rolled his eyes, seeing the judgement in Sehyoon’s eyes. He knew that he couldn’t do it, he’d never hurt Yuchan like that, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t dream about it. And dream he did alright, since Yuchan was deep in his schedule, Donghun would often think back to the black haired man when he was pleasuring himself.  
“Donghun… If you want to do anything at all with him, talk to Yuchan first. Promise me you won’t suck his dick before getting Yuchan’s permission,” Sehyoon frowned, his hand still around Donghun’s waist and he looked back at the dance floor. Thinking about it, Junhee was definitely Donghun’s type. He was tall, dark and gorgeous – just like Donghun liked his men. Back when he started seeing Yuchan, Sehyoon was indeed very surprised because he’s never seen him go after someone like that. And so much younger, too. Sehyoon liked younger men but it was a first for Donghun.  
“Bro, calm down. I’d die for Yuchan, he is my literal fucking everything, right? I wouldn’t ever touch anyone without him knowing, okay? I’m just… expressing my, you know, _desire_ ,” he clarified, looking away from Junhee when the younger man caught him staring at him. “Speaking of Yuchan, did you see him? I have no idea where he went,” he changed the topic, looking around the club.  
“No, actually. The last time I saw him was when you dragged him to the bathroom – very inconspicuously, may I add,” he grinned, finally finishing the beer. He didn’t feel like drinking too much, he wanted to be sure to be able to perform once they’d get home with Byeongkwan. He definitely planned to celebrate his birthday very deep in his boyfriend.  
“Shut up. Let’s go join the two then, shall we?” Donghun smirked, putting away his half full glass and grabbing Sehyoon’s arm, dragging him to the dance floor. There was enough people dancing with the two that nobody should really bat an eye at Donghun and Sehyoon joining.  
“Oh, hello there,” Byeongkwan smiled brightly, brushing his hand against Sehyoon’s butt when he walked up to them. It took him long enough to join.  
“You look so fucking hot, baby,” Sehyoon whined, leaning in to whisper right into Byeongkwan’s ear so nobody else could hear him. Not like anyone could, the music was rather loud, but he wanted to be sure.   
“Thanks, Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan blushed a little, he was happy to know Sehyoon didn’t think it was too much. And, judging by the fact that he barely left the apartment after seeing Byeongkwan’s outfit for the first time, he flat out loved it. Byeongkwan looked around, people were obviously looking at Sehyoon but he decided to have a little fun. He moved to the side, in front of Sehyoon, and he got as close as possible, rubbing his booty against Sehyoon’s crotch. He felt Sehyoon’s hand on his hip, squeezing hard, before he let go and Byeongkwan chuckled, watching Sehyoon running to the bathroom. Frustrated Sehyoonie was so much fun.  
“Fuck my life,” Sehyoon exhaled, leaning against the sink in the club bathroom, looking at himself in the mirror. He couldn’t believe how weak he was, how quickly Byeongkwan could get him hard and excited doing literally the bare minimum and he knew he had to get his shit together because his boyfriend didn’t look like he wanted to leave anytime soon.  
“You okay, man?” a man spoke up behind Sehyoon and he looked in the mirror at him before turning around.  
“Sure, I’m fine. Just… you know, a lot of hot chicks and my manager not leaving my side type of situation,” he lied, knowing it was visible he was aroused and he watched the man grin. God, he hated people sometimes. Well, most of the time.  
“You shouldn’t listen to your manager. You’re the star, right?” the man winked at him, getting something from his pocket and handing it to Sehyoon. “If you’re ready for, you know… more fun,” he said and left the bathroom with that.  
Sehyoon shook his head, finally looking down to see a little pill in his hand. He was about to throw it away but he stopped and before thinking any more, he put in under his tongue, letting it dissolve. It was his birthday, if he was to try some fun pills in his life what better opportunity was there, right? He drank some water from the faucet and left the bathroom, going back to the dance floor. He made sure to stand far enough from his boyfriend, still staring at him though, and he danced with the rest. It didn’t take too long before his brain was hit with a wave of something he never felt before. Byeongkwan was suddenly all sparkly, shining like the sun in the middle of the dance floor and people around seemed to be so much more fun. He could hear the music in colors and he started moving more with the rhythm. About ten minutes went by before he made his way back next to Byeongkwan, smiling at him almost too widely and he could see that Byeongkwan looked a little bit confused but even his confused face was so hot. He looked around, seeing stairs that lead upstairs – it seemed to be closed off, but he figured nothing was off limits for him.  
“Come with me,” he whispered to his boyfriend before quickly leaving, walking up the stairs to what seemed like a small, vip lounge. He looked around, making sure there were no cameras or anything like that and he smirked when the younger man finally joined him.  
“Are you okay, love?” he asked, walking up to Sehyoon and he yelped when the rapper grabbed him under his ass, lifting him up and slamming him against the wall. He quickly wrapped his arms and legs around the older man, just so that he wouldn’t fall, but he wasn’t sure it was the best idea.  
“I want to fuck you so bad,” Sehyoon growled, his face buried against Kwan’s neck and the younger man whined when he felt Sehyoon bite him – rather harshly.  
“O-Okay, love. Let’s go home then, okay? We can’t… somebody can some here,” he tried to reason but he barely could, Sehyoon held him so strongly and he was so weak in Sehyoon’s arms. No matter where they were.  
“I don’t wanna go home,” the rapper shook his head, looking up at his boyfriend. “I want to fuck you and then dance and then fuck you again,” he explained, moving one of his hands up over Byeongkwan’s exposed tummy, over his crop top to finally wrap his fingers around his neck, squeezing it very lightly and leaning in to lick into Kwan's mouth when the younger let out a loud sigh.  
“Sehyoonie, what are you doing?” he asked when the older man pulled away, trying to take a deep breath but he couldn’t really do it through the squeeze around his neck. It wasn’t painful, and he actually liked it a lot, but he didn’t want to do anything like that in a dark, weird looking lounge in a club. It'd make him feel like a cheap whore and though it sometimes was a good thing, he didn't want to do that on Sehyoon's birthday party.   
“What? Byeongkwan, please,” Sehyoon begged, he felt so needy and he couldn’t bare just looking at Byeongkwan anymore.  
“I’m not even prepared, we can’t just…,” he shook his head, letting his legs back on the group, putting his hand over the one Sehyoon had around his neck.  
“Why do you hate me?” he whined, moving his hand away from Byeongkwan’s neck and he looked rather disappointed. He wasn’t sure what was going on with him but he felt like he would burst if he didn’t get what he wanted and what he wanted was to come. And quickly, too, so he could go back to dancing.  
“Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan sighed, looking around once more before taking Sehyoon’s hand and leading him to a corner, it was dark and far enough from the stairs so that nobody could see them if they were to come up. “Be quiet, okay?” he said, leaning in for one more kiss before getting on his knees. He didn’t want to torture Sehyoon too much, it was his birthday after all and he seemed so pumped up that he was pretty sure the rapper wouldn’t take that long. A quick blow job never hurt anybody, right?

“Where were you?” Donghun asked the second Sehyoon appeared next to him. He figured they did something with Byeongkwan, since he disappeared too, and he was hoping they were careful. After what he did with Yuchan only an hour earlier, he couldn't really go and preach to Sehyoon about being careful so he decided not to. This time.  
“Getting my dick sucked,” Sehyoon replied with a smile on his face, leaning over the bar to order a drink. He felt very thirsty.  
“Jesus fuck, Sehyoon,” Donghun rolled his eyes, again, looking at the rapper. He frowned, grabbing his face in his hands to bring him closer, looking into his eyes properly. “Did you fucking take something? Are you… oh my god, you can’t be serious,” he gasped, doing his best not to slap the younger man. The company had a strong no-drug policy, Sehyoon would get into a lot of trouble if anyone found out. He didn't have anything against some fun stuff at parties but it wasn't safe enough to do for Sehyoon. So many people were always looking at him, if anything like that got out it'd be very bad.   
“Stop, Donghun. It’s my birthday, don’t be a party pooper,” the rapper grinned, slapping his manager’s hands away. He felt too good to be stressed about anything the man was saying and he knew he might have regrets in the morning but he didn't want to think about it.  
“Party—breathe, Donghun, breathe,” he said to himself, taking a deep breath before speaking again. “What did you take?” he asked, talking quietly enough so nobody around would hear their conversation. The music suddenly seemed to be so painfully quiet.  
“Don’t know, don’t care. A pill,” he shrugged, grabbing his drink when it was ready and drinking it whole in one go. “Can you give me the lecture you’re preparing some other day? Don’t fuck my birthday up,” he grinned, cupping his manager’s face in his hands and slapping a hard kiss against his lips.  
“Fuck off,” Donghun quickly pushed him away, shaking his head, but he couldn’t help but chuckle a little. Sehyoon always knew how to ruin his serious face. “You’re lucky it’s your birthday. We are going to talk about this, I hope you know it.”  
“Whatever, Donggie. Let’s dance, okay?” he clapped, taking his manager and dragging him back to the dance floor. He still had way too much energy to keep just standing around.

**Day 202**

It was around 4am when Sehyoon finally slammed the door behind them and he was quick to push Byeongkwan into the bedroom, with not much protest from the younger man. As the night went by, Byeongkwan got couple more drinks and he’d lie if he said he wasn’t horny. He screamed when Sehyoon pushed him on the bed, laughing as he pulled him down on top of himself, wrapping his legs around the older’s waist.  
“You know you have to take your time, right?” he mumbled, biting the rapper’s earlobe softly, running his hands under his shirt and all across his back. Sehyoon’s body was so warm and he couldn’t wait to feel it all over himself.  
“Yeah? What if I don’t?” Sehyoon grinned, pushing Byeongkwan into the mattress, grabbing his hands to put the younger’s arms above his head and hold them firmly in place. He wanted to get more than usual, he wanted to be more rough than usual. And he was just hoping that Byeongkwan would be okay with it because he wasn’t sure he’d be able to hold back, his mind was fogged and he felt his body was so tense. He wanted to release that tension and he knew exactly how to do that.  
“What are you saying, Sehyoonie?” Byeongkwan raised his eyebrow, looking at his boyfriend and he felt chills run down his spine simply from the look on Sehyoon’s face. The idea of Sehyoon taking lead was always incredible sexy so Byeongkwan was not about to complain – as long as he got prepared thoroughly of course. “Do you want to be… rough?” he asked, tilting his head to the side and he smiled at the rapper’s groan.  
“Can I?” he begged, his hand running all over the younger body while the other was still holding Byeongkwan’s arms in place.  
“No love making tonight?” Byeongkwan wondered out loud and he chuckled at Sehyoon shaking his head. “Do you want to _fuck me,_ Sehyoonie?” he continued and Sehyoon quickly nodded, his hand moving from Byeongkwan’s tummy lower, squeezing his crotch harshly and Byeongkwan whined. He was more than excited to finally get something rough and proper. Though he loved soft Sehyoon sometimes he needed to be fucked like he didn’t mean anything to him.  
“Please,” Sehyoon mumbled, so ready he could burst. That bursting feeling was something he felt throughout the whole night and he was starting to think it might be the pill he took.  
“Say you love me,” he commanded, squeezing Sehyoon’s hips with his legs, pulling him closer. He wanted to touch but to his surprise, Sehyoon was holding his arms in place so firmly he really couldn’t move them. It was so nice to have Sehyoon be like that, to use the strength he had and to put Byeongkwan to his place when he needed to be.  
“I love you. I adore you, I love you more than anyone has ever loved before, you’re the love of my fucking life,” Sehyoon didn’t hesitate before giving Byeongkwan what he wanted, leaning in to kiss him softly – a thing he didn’t plan to do for the rest of the night. “I love you so much, Byeongkwan.”  
“Okay. Fuck me like you mean it,” Byeongkwan nodded with a grin, lifting his head to kiss Sehyoon back. “Daddy,” he added quietly and he chuckled a little when he felt Sehyoon shiver.  
“Jesus Christ,” the rapper whined, letting go of Byeongkwan’s hands just to pull his little crop top over his head, throwing it on the floor before moving down on the bed and kissing and biting down the younger’s chest. He was trying his best to be as gentle as possible but he could see that he was leaving marks all over the younger’s body and to be honest, he loved it. Byeongkwan’s white skin looked gorgeous with the red little love bites all over it, Sehyoon couldn’t get enough. He kept kissing Byeongkwan’s tummy, slowly unzipping his pants to pull them down, grabbing Byeongkwan’s thighs so harshly it got the younger one whining again. He spread his boyfriend’s legs, licking down his inner thigh and up again, enjoying Byeongkwan’s little weeping, his hands in Sehyoon’s hair, how softly he was pulling on it. It was usually the other way around, Byeongkwan was always the more “aggressive” one, grabbing and pulling on everything he could, but he enjoyed their roles switched. Maybe a little too much.  
“Sehyoonie,” he spoke up, pulling on his hair, trying to pull him back up. “Kiss me,” he begged, looking down at his boyfriend. Sehyoon grinned, shaking his head no. He looked up to keep eye contact with Byeongkwan, slowly pulling down his underwear – the last thing Byeongkwan was wearing. He didn’t want kisses yet, kisses were a reward. Byeongkwan had to be a good boy first.  
Byeongkwan sighed, letting his head fall back as he watched Sehyoon take his dick in his mouth. He figured he was getting paid back for taking care of Sehyoon in the club couple hours ago and he couldn’t complain about it at all so he decided to let Sehyoon do what he wanted. He groaned deep in his throat as he felt the rappers tongue press against his tip, closing his eyes to concentrate on the feeling fully. Sehyoon knew his body so well it was crazy, he could do one simple thing and it would make Byeongkwan see stars. Which, to be fair, he knew Sehyoon’s body just as well, but it seemed like that night – or morning, rather, was about Byeongkwan’s body more than anything else and he welcomed that wholeheartedly.  
Sehyoon took his time before pulling away, licking his lips.  
“Delicious,” he grinned, getting up on his knees. “Turn around, babyboy,” he ordered and he chuckled at Byeongkwan’s almost shocked faced. He looked so cute, his little pigtails were barely holding in place, his makeup started to smudge around and Sehyoon was ready to ruin him even more.  
“Kiss me, Sehyoon,” Byeongkwan repeated his request, not turning around. He reached out for him, pulling him back on top of himself. He could kiss him himself but he wanted Sehyoon to do it. He wanted Sehyoon to do everything that night.  
“What will you give me if I do?” Sehyoon smirked, leaning down to place kisses on the younger’s neck, biting him softly. He loved feeling Byeongkwan shiver under him, it was truly one of the best things that could happen to him.  
“Sehyoonie,” he whined, his fingers intertwined in Sehyoon’s hair and he pulled on them. “Please, kiss me,” he said once again and Sehyoon decided to be nice, he lifted his head and connected their lips, licking into Byeongkwan’s mouth as soon as he opened it. He was kissing him passionately, making sure to explore every last hidden place of his boyfriend’s mouth and he was gaining a lot of moaning sounds for that. He felt Byeongkwan melting in his arms and he decided that was enough, pulling away again after couple minutes.  
“Now turn around.”  
Byeongkwan nodded, satisfied enough to listen to the orders and he turned around, getting on his four. He had an idea about what Sehyoon was going to do and he was shaking with excitement, looking over his shoulder. He watched his boyfriend finally take his clothes off too, his pants and shirt joined Byeongkwan’s stuff on the ground, and he was blessed with the view of Sehyoon’s beautiful body. He loved every inch of his boyfriend, he loved how broad and thick he was. He watched him grab the lube from their night table, spreading it on his fingers before finally putting one inside of Byeongkwan’s body. The younger man moaned in both pain and pleasure, letting his head fall down. He wasn’t sure how much of _preparing_ he would be able to endure, he felt on the edge the second Sehyoon pushed him on the bed and it wasn’t getting any better the more Sehyoon was doing. He bit his lip, so hard he tasted blood on his mouth, and he did his best not to scream as he felt Sehyoon’s finger finally reach that beautiful place inside him. The best thing about their apartment was that Sehyoon didn’t have any neighbors, if he did they’d be outed a long time ago – Byeongkwan could never really hold back his loudness when they were together and Sehyoon wasn’t terribly good at being quiet either.  
“Be loud for me, baby,” Sehyoon asked for it, pushing his finger harshly against the soft spot, smiling when he heard Byeongkwan yelp loudly. Preparing his boyfriend was one of his favorite parts of sex, he loved feeling Byeongkwan melt, he loved seeing his body get used to the stretch, and he loved how much it affected Byeongkwan. Seeing how good it made him feel, he sometimes wondered if he’d like it too, but that was a thought for another time. He took his time before adding more fingers, loosening his boyfriend as gently as he managed. He didn’t plan to be gentle for too much longer so he was really trying his best to do as much of a good job as he possibly could.  
“I’m ready, Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan whined again, arching his back when Sehyoon, yet again, hit right where he needed and Byeongkwan was way too close to let it go on for much longer. He did his best to get up, now just on his knees and he pressed his back against the rapper’ chest. “Please.”  
“Are you?” Sehyoon smirked, running his free hand all over his boyfriend’s body, from his thighs up his tummy and chest, before he reached his neck and, as before, he didn’t stop himself from wrapping his fingers around it tightly.  
“Yes,” Byeongkwan gasped for air, turning his head around to steal a kiss, and he whimpered when he felt Sehyoon’s squeeze around his neck tighten. He didn’t expect Sehyoon to be like that at all, especially after having that conversation couple days back, but he was also pretty certain Sehyoon was on something so he just decided to enjoy it while it lasted.  
“As you wish, babyboy,” Sehyoon nodded when he pulled away from the kiss, pulling out his fingers and quickly coating himself in lube. He brought Byeongkwan into a kiss again as he entered the younger’s body, quickly pushing as deep as it got, and it was finally his turn to groan into the kiss. He heard Byeongkwan mewl but he knew how to make any pain he might be feeling better so he kept his hold on Byeongkwan’s neck holding him in place as he started moving, hiding his face against the crease of the younger’s neck. He bit into the alabaster skin, making Byeongkwan cry out loudly and it scared him for a second, he quickly pulled back to check if he bit too hard. He didn't want to be _too harsh_ , he didn't want to hurt his boyfriend. He just wanted to enjoy his body more aggressively then he usually would and he could tell Byeongkwan was enjoying it too.  
“I-I’m fine, Sehyoonie. Don’t stop,” Byeongkwan was quick to reassure, grabbing Sehyoon’s hand that was holding his hip, intertwining their fingers. He felt Sehyoon nod, going back to Byeongkwan’s neck. He decided to be quieter, less painful whines and more moans, just so that Sehyoon wouldn’t get scared of hurting him because the last thing he wanted at that moment was for Sehyoon to stop. He felt his knees slowly giving out and he wished he could just collapse on the bed but Sehyoon’s hand was still wrapped around his neck and he thought he might faint if he were deprived of air for one more second – which he wouldn’t hate at all. But, he thought Sehyoon wouldn’t enjoy it as much, so he put his hand over Sehyoon, squeezing it to let Sehyoon know he needed more space to breathe.  
Sehyoon understood quickly, letting go and instead wrapping both his arms around Byeongkwan’s torso, holding him tightly in place, thrusting deep into the younger’s body. It was always good, he always felt amazing when he was inside his boyfriend, but somehow this time it was even better. So much more intense, he could feel Byeongkwan in every last cell of his body. He felt being connected so much deeper than he did usually, he could close his eyes and see their souls dancing together, connecting just as much as their bodies did at that moment and he didn’t want that to ever stop.  
He already knew it’d be a very long night.  



	21. 21

It was about 6pm when Sehyoon finally opened his eyes and he was greeted with Byeongkwan’s beautiful face next to him. The younger guy was sitting up, leaning against the bed frame and reading something on his phone and he looked stunning. His hair was slightly wet, he obviously took a shower, his cheeks were still a little red and he looked perfect. Which, to be fair, Sehyoon thought he always did, but even more so when he looked like that. No make up, his hair not done, chilling in a huge tank top (that was obviously Sehyoon’s) and Sehyoon thought to himself how lucky he was to be able to wake up next to something like that.  
“Morning, love,” the younger man spoke up, finally noticing the movement next to him, and he put his phone aside. He’s been awake for quite a while but Sehyoon was too cute for him to wake him up so he just cooked something, took a shower and decided to wait for him to wake up on his own. It was his birthday after all – even though he slept through most of the day, if that's how he wanted to spend it then be it.    
“Mhmm,” Sehyoon nodded, rolling over closer to his boyfriend to wrap his arms around him, hiding his face against Byeongkwan’s chest. “You smell so nice,” he mumbled, breathing in the lavender scent of Byeongkwan’s body wash. He couldn’t be completely sure but he was pretty certain that he smelled awful compared to the other man. Like alcohol and cigarettes and sweat and he really wanted to get up and take a shower but cuddling his boyfriend sounded so much better.  
“I know. I took a shower, you know? Wanna do it too?” Byeongkwan chuckled, leaning down to kiss the top of Sehyoon’s head, his fingers running through his hair. He looked adorable, he was all sleepy and soft and just… cute. “How about I heat up dinner for you and you wash yourself real quick?” he suggested, laughing at Sehyoon shaking his head.  
“Can I just rub myself against you?” that seemed like a good enough idea. If Byeongkwan was clean, he could get clean rubbing on him, right? That totally made sense and sounded way more fun than getting up and having a shower.  
“Sehyoonie, I’m not gonna kiss you if you’re gonna be dirty like that,” he frowned a little, lifting Sehyoon’s head up. “And I have a present for you. Don’t you want your present?” he added with a smile on his face, he was really excited to finally give the ring to Sehyoon. Hopefully he’d like it as much as Byeongkwan did, it really came out just like he imagined it.  
“Okay,” the rapper sighed, finally getting up from the bed and getting some clean clothes from his closet. He leaned down to kiss Byeongkwan on the forehead before running to the bathroom. He was pretty hungry, which he realized once he got up, so he couldn’t wait to eat Byeongkwan’s delicious food.

“All done!” he exclaimed, entering the kitchen. He walked over to his boyfriend who was by the stove, hugging him from behind and kissing his neck softly. “Can you kiss me now?”  
“In a minute, Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan purred, putting one of his hands over Sehyoon’s arm, he enjoyed being held like that very much but he needed to look over the food so it wouldn’t burn. He made some tteokbokki for his boyfriend and he wouldn’t want his hard work go to waste.  
“Baby,” Sehyoon whined, running his hands under his boyfriend’s tanktop, continuing to place kisses against the younger’s neck. He felt very needy, somehow the fact that he slept for most of the day made him feel like he missed out on a lot of cuddling and he wanted to make up for that as quickly as possible.  
“Okay, okay. It’s done,” Byeongkwan chuckled, taking the pot away from the stove before turning around in Sehyoon’s arms, wrapping his around the rapper’s neck. “Are you always this needy on your birthdays?”  
“Mhm, only with you,” he nodded, leaning in to finally connect their lips. He blindly lifted the younger one up, walking over to the table to sit him down on it. He pushed Byeongkwan’s legs apart, getting in between them and licking deep into his mouth. He heard his boyfriend moan quietly and he decided he maybe wanted to eat something else for dinner. He placed his hands under the younger’s top again, pulling it up and breaking the kiss just to toss it aside.  
“I wanted you to eat first,” the younger one sighed, not like he was about to protest though. He wrapped his legs around the rapper’s waist, chuckling a little when he pushed him down to lay on the table. He closed his eyes, ready for some loving, but couple seconds went by and nothing was happening so he decided to open his eyes again. “What, love? What’s wrong?” he frowned, quickly sitting up again. Sehyoon looked… worried, all of a sudden. He didn’t like that at all.  
“Did I do that to you?” he spoke up quietly, running his fingers softly over the little bruises on Byeongkwan’s hips. He knew he was rough the night before, he remember some of it, but this detail obviously slipped his mind.  
“Sehyoon, don’t. Please, don’t do this,” Byeongkwan whined, shaking his head. He cupped the rapper’s face in his hands, making him look up at him. “I loved it, okay? Last night was amazing. Please don’t ruin it, it’s just bruises,” he spoke quickly, kissing his boyfriend. He really didn’t think it was a big deal at all, he expected to get some bruises after how rough Sehyoon was and he didn’t mind it at all. It didn’t hurt so why would he be bothered.  
“I’m really sorry, Byeongkwan.”  
“Are you listening to me? I loved it, I loved every second,” he sighed, looking at the man in front of him. “Please, Sehyoonie. Just… don’t think about it, okay?”  
“I didn’t—“  
“Sehyoon, stop,” he interrupted, pushing Sehyoon away and getting down from the table. He took his shirt to put it back on and returned to the stove, getting two plates and putting some food on them. He just refused to talk about it any further, he could tell that Sehyoon wasn’t about to just stop apologizing and Byeongkwan didn’t want to hear it since there was nothing to apologize for. He put the plates on the table, sitting down and handing Sehyoon some chopsticks.  
“Thank you,” the rapper mumbled, taking them from Byeongkwan and sitting down too. He didn’t want to make Byeongkwan upset but he didn’t like seeing bruises on his boyfriend – especially not the ones he caused.  
“Please, just don’t think about it, okay? I will keep a shirt on until they disappear,” Byeongkwan shrugged, slowly eating his food. He knew that probably wasn’t what the rapper wanted to hear but he’d rather not have sex for a week than listen to Sehyoon apologize for something Byeongkwan wanted and loved.  
“Okay…”  
“You were high, right? Where did you… where did you get it?” he asked, looking at the man across from him. He thought that if they talked about something else, Sehyoon would just forget he ever saw any bruises and he’d calm down. Not like talking about drugs was any more fun but Byeongkwan figured it’d be better than pity talks.  
“Uh, I… a man gave it to me. In the club,” the rapper answered, looking down at his plate, eating all he got. It was really delicious, as was everything his boyfriend cooked. He was really trying his hardest not to freak out, he didn’t want to feel bad because he really enjoyed last night but it was difficult to just not think about it. He was never so rough with anyone to leave bruises – love bites, hickeys, maybe. But never actual bruises. Or at least he’s never known about causing that.  
“That’s not very safe, Sehyoonie. If you… I know people, if you ever want to have fun like that. Don’t just take drugs from strangers, okay?” he smiled, trying to lift up the mood a little. He’s had his share of fun when he was younger and he still knew people from the earlier days that always had supply of whatever he might want.  
“You did… drugs?” Sehyoon frowned, finally looking up from his plate.  
“Sehyoonie… no, I didn’t _do drugs_ ,” Byeongkwan rolled his eyes, what kind of question even was that. “I did go clubbing a lot though. Couple years ago, when I broke up with, you know, my ex. I was kinda depressed so I took some pills every now and then. Nothing more than fun pills, though. I don’t want anything to do with that,” he explained, looking at his boyfriend. He knew a lot of people who went from couple pills every other weekend to coke and other, way worse things, so he never allowed himself to do any of that. It ruined a lot of people he cared about and he was not about that life at all.  
“Okay. Good. Drugs… are bad,” Sehyoon said, laughing as soon as he finished saying it. It sounded very stupid. “I mean…. I just did… but… you know,” he added, still laughing softly. It probably wasn’t the best advice coming from someone who got high less than 24 hours ago.  
“Don’t worry, love. I promise, I have no intentions of ever doing that again anyway. It’s not fun, it only makes you all jumpy and rushed and it’s just not for me. I’m hyper enough as it is,” he chuckled, finishing his food and getting up to put in the sink. “Also… do you know where Junhee slept last night?”  
“Um… no?” the rapper raised his eyebrow, looking at his boyfriend. “What is that grin on your face? Where did he sleep?”  
“At Donghun’s,” he answered, the grin not leaving his face. “Yuchan dragged him over there because he was apparently too drunk to go home alone so he slept there. Like, in their actual bed next to them,” he added, laughing his way through the answer. He knew how cuddly drunk Junhee was so he was pretty sure he was rather annoying sleeping in a bed with two other people.  
“Jesus,” the rapper rolled his eyes – thinking back at the conversation he had with his friend that night, he would be surprised if nothing went on between the two of them. Or all three, that wouldn’t be too shocking either. “Did they…?”  
“Oh my god, no. Of course not, Junhee doesn’t ever get involved with people that are in a relationship,” he quickly shook his head, sitting back down when he finished washing the dishes, watching Sehyoon eat. He put a lot more on his plate, as he did always, and he enjoyed seeing him eat. “He likes Donghun, but he knows better.”  
“Well, Donghun likes him too. If that’s any… I don’t know,” he laughed, shaking his head. “He was whining to me last night about how much he wants to fuck your best friend.”  
“Would he? Like, if Junhee wanted to, would he do it? Isn’t he in a long-term, loving relationship with Yuchannie?” the younger frowned a little, he became really fond of the boy and he wouldn’t want him to get hurt. Junhee wouldn’t do it but that didn’t mean Donghun couldn’t find someone else who would.  
“No, never. He is very loyal, he is just… you know, a man,” Sehyoon shrugged, finally putting the last spoonful into his mouth. “Junhee is more of his type, like, visually.”  
“Isn’t he everybody’s type? He is stunning,” Byeongkwan laughed, he always thought his best friend was one of the most beautiful people he’s ever met.  
“I mean… you’re not wrong. I think you’re way more beautiful than him, though,” Sehyoon grinned, leaning in for a quick kiss. “But yeah, Junhee is gorgeous. Did you two ever… get together?”  
“What do you mean? Are you asking if we slept together?” the younger one chuckled again, pushing Sehyoon back and sitting down on his lap instead, leaning in to kiss the vein on his neck. He was glad his boyfriend seemed to get over the apologizing. This conversation was way more fun. “Would you be jealous if I said we did?”  
“I don’t know… but if he is your type, I’m not sure what you’re doing with me,” the rapper shrugged, resting his hands on his boyfriend’s thighs. He didn't see many similarities between him and Junhee.  
“You’re very similar, actually. Like, not appearance wise but you’re both so kind and loving and caring, that’s what I care more about than looks. But no, we haven’t slept together. We did fool around a bit, but nothing serious ever. It’s just… honestly, we’re both _heavy_ bottoms and we just don’t work together very well,” he finally said, trying his best not to laugh too loud. He loved his best friend dearly and if he could, he would be with him when he got his heart broken but some things just weren’t meant to be. And if he got together with him, he’d never meet the rapper so it all worked out amazing in the end.  
“Damn,” Sehyoon laughed, slapping Byeongkwan’s thigh. “I’m glad that you are one, though,” he grinned, running his hand up and down the younger’s leg, getting closer and closer to his crotch.  
“It would be a waste if I was a top with a butt like that, no?” Byeongkwan cackled, pushing Sehyoon’s hand away. “Time for your present!”  
“You didn’t have to get me anything, baby,” Sehyoon sighed, getting up from the chair when Byeongkwan did too.  
“Wait here!”  
“Okay,” he chuckled, leaning against the counter and waiting for his boyfriend to come back. Thinking about it, it’d be the second present he’d be getting from Byeongkwan while he still didn’t get him anything. Other than small things here and there, or stuff that Byeongkwan asked for, but he barely gave him any special presents. He really wasn’t the best boyfriend and he was trying to be, but some things still didn’t even cross his mind – such as presents. He still had a lot to learn from Donghun. He was good at taking care of Byeongkwan, he always looked after the people he loved, but he wanted to make sure to make him the happiest he could be every single day.  
“Happy birthday,” Byeongkwan smiled, walking over to his boyfriend with a little box in his hands. He was really hoping he would like it, not only did it cost a lot of money but Byeongkwan really loved it. The ring, the chain, the date that was on the ring, he loved everything about it. So much so he wanted to get one for himself too but he couldn’t really afford two.  
“You really didn’t have to,” Sehyoon sighed, taking the box and leaning in to first give a long, soft kiss to his boyfriend before looking at the box in his hand. He opened it, feeling his chest clench when he saw the ring in it. He pulled it out, smiling when he saw the necklace with it – Byeongkwan really knew him so well. “Baby… that’s so beautiful,” he mumbled, looking at it carefully.  
“Yeah? You like it?” Byeongkwan clapped, pointing inside the little ring. “That’s our date!”  
“It’s beautiful, Kwannie. I love it,” he quickly nodded, handing it to his boyfriend and turning around. He wanted it around his neck right away. He turned back when Byeongkwan closed it, grabbing Byeongkwan into his arms to hold him tightly.  
“I’m really happy you like it,” he breathed out, hugging Sehyoon back just as tightly. “Happy birthday.”  
“Thank you,” Sehyoon smiled, pulling away just enough to place a kiss on Byeongkwan’s lips. “I love you so much, I really do.” He felt so lucky to be able to have such a wonderful person by his side, he doubted he was worth it but for whatever reason Byeongkwan stayed with him and that made Sehyoon the happiest he could ever be. That alone was a present he was getting every day and it was more than he could ever ask for.  
“I love you too, Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan whined, pulling his boyfriend back into a kiss, more passionate this time. He was still a little sore from last night but he wanted to give Sehyoon one more present.

**Day 206**

“So… I heard you had a little sleepover?” Sehyoon smirked, looking at his best friend. They were in the recording studio, finishing Sehyoon’s new song and the team went on a break so he thought why not talk about it. He barely talked to Donghun since the party, there was just way too much things to do, too much schedule, and Sehyoon still couldn’t stop thinking about it. He wanted details.  
“What? When?” Donghun frowned, looking up from the mixing board. It took him a second before he realized what Sehyoon was probably talking about. “Jesus Christ, they really talk about everything huh?” he chuckled, shaking his head. Of course Junhee would mention it to Byeongkwan who had to tell everything to Sehyoon.  
“I’m just asking, just asking,” he laughed, leaning back on the couch and patting the space next to him. “Come tell me, I’m curious.”  
“Great,” Donghun rolled his eyes, getting up and sitting next to his friend who immediately brought him close, wrapping his arm around his shoulders. “Nothing happened, if you’re interested in that. He was wasted, Yuchan was wasted and I was too so we got home and went straight to bed. Though I must admit, seeing him in nothing but his little boxers… I had to hold myself back really fucking strongly,” he admitted, he couldn’t help being attracted to the black haired god. He was really struggling that night, the man was just too gorgeous.  
“Did you talk to Yuchan about it then?” he continued with the questions, leaning his head on the older’s shoulder. He felt like cuddling up to his manager and since nobody was there with them, why couldn’t he, right?  
“No, why would I? I mean, I’m not gonna do anything about it so it would only be useless drama. And I don’t want to hurt him by saying there’s a man that attracts me the way Junhee does,” Donghun shook his head, rubbing Sehyoon’s thigh and letting the man lean on him. He didn’t mind, he actually preferred when their conversations went like this – he always appreciated a cuddle, no matter who it was coming from.  
“Do you… would you, like, if you… if Junhee—,” he stopped himself, trying to think of the right words.  
“I’m not gonna break up with Yuchan, Sehyoon. I don’t even know the guy, I wouldn’t throw away everything we have with Yuchan to suck some dick,” he shook his head quickly, he didn’t doubt that at all. If he were to actually get to know the man, talk to him more, know who he is then yeah, maybe something might happen but he wouldn’t let himself get close to Junhee exactly for that reason. He wouldn’t risk his relationship like that.  
“I know that you love Yuchan, I really do, but what if he isn’t the one? You’re so closed off to getting to know anybody else, you can’t really know if he’s the right one for you if he’s the _only_ one you know, right?” Not like Sehyoon wanted Yuchan to be heartbroken but he couldn’t help but put his best friend’s happiness first and if there was somebody else who might make him happier, he thought he should see where it goes.  
“Sehyoon, we are not gonna have this conversation. I am with Yuchan and I will be staying with him. I don’t want to get to know anyone else, okay?” he said as firmly as he could without sounding rude, getting up from the couch. “I love him and I’m staying with him.”  
“Okay, I’m just… I’m just saying, you don’t need to chain yourself to Yuchan because you don’t want to hurt him. If you ever feel like hitting Junhee up, I have his number,” the Sehyoon shrugged, giving Donghun at least the option for it.  
“I’m not _chained_ to him, bro. Just because the situation isn’t ideal right now with us doesn’t mean I should go and seek comfort in someone else. Would you throw Byeongkwan away just because you found someone more attractive?” Donghun asked and he already knew the answer so he just thought it was really stupid of Sehyoon to even suggest something like that.  
“No. Because I know that Byeongkwan is the love of my life and there’s nobody more attractive than him to me. I’m not sure you can say the same about Yuchan.”  
“Shut up, Sehyoon. I love Yuchan more than my life, this conversation is over,” he growled, not being able to hold it back this time and he went back to the board. He didn’t want to talk about that because he knew Sehyoon had a point. No matter how strong the point was, though, he knew he couldn’t actively pursue anybody else. He could never forgive himself if he hurt someone he loved as much as he loved Yuchan.  
 “I just want you to be happy, Donghun. Think about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note: I'm not going to involve any type of Donghun/Junhee/Yuchan thing into this story but I felt like it should be "closed off" after the last chapter ^^


	22. 22

**Day 210**

It was the first whole weekend Byeongkwan was spending away from his boyfriend and even though it was only Friday night, he already felt his chest clench from how much his heart was hurting. He just got so used to being by Sehyoon’s side that the thought of being away from him for three days was almost unbearable – he knew he had to make it through, he was visiting his parents for their marriage anniversary party, but it was still difficult. And he didn’t even go to bed yet, he couldn't imagine falling asleep without his teddy bear for the first time in 4 months and he wasn’t exactly excited for that either. He got used to it rather quickly and he wasn’t sure if he’d even be able to fall asleep at all. He was never in a relationship where he would feel something so intensely, even with his ex that he spent years with, it was never like that. It was never like he couldn't spend couple days away from him and be just fine. But at the same time, everything about Sehyoon was different. Special. Intense in itself, the rapper was a presence that everyone would miss once they got used to it.  
He was sitting on the sofa, watching a program that Sehyoon was on. It was the first time since he started working for him when Sehyoon went on the TV or any schedule really without Byeongkwan doing his makeup and he looked so cute. It was apparent that he did his own makeup – Byeongkwan was teaching him how to do the basic stuff for quite some time – and it was so obvious. The average person wouldn’t notice but Byeongkwan could see the little things he messed up and he thought it was the most adorable thing ever. The interview was kinda boring, nothing really revolutionary, but he liked watching Sehyoon. It almost felt like he was there with him.

“Is that him?” a voice came from behind him and he quickly turned to see his mom standing next to the sofa, smiling at her son.   
“W-What? Who?” he raised an eyebrow, looking at his mom. He never actually told her he was dating Sehyoon, obviously, but he did tell her he was dating _someone_.  
“The rapper that you work for, is that him?” she specified, pointing at the TV and walking over to sit down next to Kwan.  
“Oh. Oh! Yes, yes, that’s him,” he quickly nodded, turning back to the TV. “That’s King Wow.”  
“Well, he is very handsome,” she commented, little smirk on her face and Byeongkwan rolled his eyes. Of course he was handsome but he wasn’t sure a conversation about this topic was quite the right thing to do considering he could slip and blur out something he shouldn’t. He trusted his mom in every way but simply out of respect for Sehyoon, he didn’t want to tell her anything until the rapper would be comfortable with it.  
“I know,” he decided to agree, turning his whole attention to the screen. He was actually interested in what his boyfriend was saying. Though the questions were rather  _meh_.

*

Sehyoon was sitting in the studio, answering all the questions the man that were hosting the show had for him, and he bit his lip when he noticed him pull out a sheet with fan questions. These were always the harder ones, since the fans actually cared and knew a lot about him, and they were also the only ones not approved by Donghun since they were coming in during the show as well.  
“Okay, first question we’ve got here – what can we expect from the new album and when exactly is it coming out?” the MC asked with a smile on his face, waiting for an answer. There were couple juicier ones but he knew he had to start with something tamer.  
“Well, the album is almost done so I believe it’s going to be released next month. We still have to do couple things, but it shouldn’t take too long,” he nodded with a smile, at least that was something he was excited about. It was only a single album with 5 songs but it was still exciting. "It's going to be a little more of the, um, old style that I used to do so I hope the new fans will enjoy it as well."  
“Amazing, can you give us a little spoiler? What can we look forward to?” the MC continued, he wanted something more interesting for the broadcast.  
“I can’t tell you much, but one of the songs is a collaboration with a singer from my company,” Sehyoon nodded, he couldn’t wait for people to hear that song in particular. He’s wanted to make a song with Yuchan for the longest time so when he finally wrote a song that needed some strong vocals, he knew where to get them right away.  
“That’s great! Can you tell us who that singer is?"   
"Um," he looked behind the camera and he saw Donghun nod, so he turned back at the MC. "With Kang Yuchan, I'm sure you heard of him. He's doing amazing right now and he's a good friend of mine as well so we thought - _why not make a song_?" he replied with a smile on his face. He was still hoping they could promote the song a little bit but the company decided not to do that. Sadly.  
"Oh wow, really? That's really new, is this the first time you're having a feature on your song that is from your company?"  
"No, actually. A while back I had BLOO feature on my mixtape, but... a first _singer_ , yes," he nodded at last. For some reason he just never got along with too many people in his company, he honestly would never sign up with them if it wasn't for Donghun, so he didn't want any of his songs to feature people that he didn't particularly like. He watched the MC put away the papers, raising his eyebrow.  
"Actually, now that you mention it... we've heard that was some beef going between you and another artist in the company, can you comment on that?"  
"Huh?" Sehyoon shook his head, trying to think about any articles or something that would talk about him having issues with other people but he really couldn't think of any. "Me? Are you sure you're talking about me?" he asked, chuckling along his words. He was pretty sure he'd hear about something like this leaking, Donghun was always informing him when not-so-pleasant articles came out.   
"It was a while ago but recently, that other person went online to bash you, didn't you see?"   
"Really? Well, I don't really... care for beefing with people, if they have any issues with me I'm always open for a discussion but I won't be responding to anyone on TV," he shrugged, that just wasn't his style. He also wasn't sure he'd be allowed to talk about anything like that and he wasn't quite sure who exactly the MC was talking about but he didn't care too much either way. He had so much on his plate already that he didn't need some petty arguments with random people.  
"Well, fair enough. Okay, next question:  _Wow oppa, we’ve been seeing you with a ring on your neck for quite some time now, can you tell us more about it?_  Well, that’s interesting! Is there someone special in your life right now?” he smirked when he saw the rapper gasp a little, he obviously wasn’t expecting that question and these kind of questions were always the most fun for interviews.  
“Damn, my fans notice everything, don’t they?” he laughed awkwardly, looking past the camera at Donghun who just shrugged, letting Sehyoon know he had to deal with that question on his own. It wasn’t like he could just run to the set and end the show. “It was a gift from someone very special, yes,” he finally nodded. He figured there was no point in lying, as long as he didn’t say who it was nobody could be upset, right?  
“Are you saying King Wow has found his queen? Tell us about her!”  
“It’s still very fresh so I’d really rather not talk about her very much,” he answered, doing his best not to cringe calling Byeongkwan a  _her_. He knew Byeongkwan was watching and just the thought of that was making him blush – good thing he put so much makeup on earlier.  
"Oh come on, you have to give us _something_ ," the MC kept going, he finally got something more interesting from the rapper and he wanted to use it as much as he could.  
"Well, um... we met at work, like, on set and, um," he swallowed, feeling sweat run down his back. He never really thought about how to handle a situation like this.   
"So she is in the industry?"  
"Yes, yes," he nodded, trying his best to smile. "I really don't want to talk about her right now, I'm sorry. I'd like to keep some privacy. I promise that once we get married, I'll formally introduce her," he joked, gaining a laugh from the MC.   
“Okay, okay. Well, I’m sure she is watching – do you have any message for her?”  
“Uh, yeah,” Sehyoon sighed, looking straight into one of the cameras. He hated being cringey but on the other hand, it could be fun for Byeongkwan too if he did it the right way. “I miss you so fucking much, baby, I can’t wait for you to come back to me. And by the way, your ass is the 8th wonder of this damn world,” he said with the biggest grin on his face, laughing at the MCs reaction. Okay, that wasn’t the worst.

*

Byeongkwan blushed so much he wasn’t sure he was ever going to be his normal skin color again, grabbing on the pillow he had placed in his lap. He was trying not to let his mother see, she was still sitting next to him watching the show, but he was pretty sure he was failing. He could feel her stare at him, turning around to look at her unwillingly.   
“Don’t say anything, mommy,” he begged, wanting to disappear. At that point he was pretty sure his mother knew what was happening but he just couldn’t talk about it and he hated lying to his mom.  
“I’m not! It was… sweet, what he said,” she chuckled, reaching over to mess with her son’s hair. “You know… I think the person he’s dating is very lucky. He seems like a great guy, honey. If he makes you—if he makes the person he is with happy, that’s all I care about,” she added with a smile, letting out a sigh when Byeongkwan reached over to pull her into a tight hug. There were obviously reasons for Byeongkwan’s privacy and she wouldn’t want to cross any lines. As long as her son was happy, she didn’t need to know anything beyond that.  
“Thank you,” he sobbed, holding onto his mom. He knew his mom was supportive, she’s always been, but in this situation it was even more special. Byeongkwan was so lucky to have such amazing parents, he knew a lot of people weren’t half as lucky as he was.

It was couple hours later and Byeongkwan was sitting on his old bed, looking around the room and waiting for his boyfriend to call. He knew Sehyoon would call as soon as he could and he felt like they did have stuff to talk about. And, also, he missed him a lot. They couldn’t talk much since Sehyoon had so much stuff to do and on Saturday, Byeongkwan would be stuck on the family celebration so he already knew he wouldn’t be able to talk to Sehyoon that much either.  
His phone finally rang and he picked it up as quickly as he managed.  
“Well hello there, my king,” he started, a smile on his face already. He felt like a teenage boy sometimes, the way he felt about the rapper was the purest thing he’s ever felt.  
“Hi, my queen,” Sehyoon chuckled, rolling his eyes a little. “So you were watching, huh?”  
“Did you think I’d miss seeing you talk about my ass on national television?” he laughed, laying down on the bed to be more comfortable. He could listen to Sehyoon’s voice for hours, especially when he couldn’t be with him physically.   
“Okay, in my defense—,” he thought for a while but nothing was coming to his mind. “Your ass is really nice and I really fucking miss it,” he sighed, chuckling along the way. “I really fucking miss _you_ , you know? Can you come back home, like, right now?”  
“I wish, Sehyoonie. I miss you too,” Byeongkwan whined a little, it was weird being in a bed without Sehyoon already and he laid down like two seconds ago. “It’s gonna go by quickly. Tomorrow is going to be full of stuff for both of us and on Sunday I’m back home. Right? That’s soon.”  
“Well, not soon enough,” Sehyoon sighed again, looking around the living room. His apartment suddenly seemed so empty, as if the light of it just disappeared. Sometimes he wondered when he got this attached, when exactly did his life start to revolve around the younger man and though he wasn’t complaining – he was happier than ever before – it was still somehow weird. The first time he was experiencing something like that and the fact that his heart hurt being from Byeongkwan for only one day, it was almost scary. He couldn’t even imagine what would happen to him if they were to ever separate.  
“Sehyoonie, don’t. I can basically hear your thoughts all the way here,” Byeongkwan spoke up after a while of silence. He knew how Sehyoon could get insecure very quickly and, obviously, so did Byeongkwan but he’d never let it show. He knew that would only make Sehyoon even more insecure and neither of them needed that happening.  
“I’m okay, baby. Really. I just don’t know how I’ll sleep without you,” he mumbled, leaning back on the couch and closing his eyes. He wanted to focus only on Byeongkwan and pretend he was there with him. “How are your parents doing?”  
“They’re good! Very good. Actually, I… mommy watched the show with me,” he answered, laughing quietly. He cried a little bit, after that hug and what his mom said everything, he just felt very emotional. And also very grateful, but he felt that every day.   
“Oh no. Does she hate me?”  
“Not at all, love! She…. Um, I don’t know if I should tell you this,” he bit his lip, not sure if Sehyoon would get upset if he knew his mom knew for sure at that point that he was dating the rapper, on the other hand though he didn't want to keep any secrets from his partner.  
“What? Tell me, baby. Did something happen?”  
“No, we just… we talked. She, um, she asked… she told me… I think that she kinda _knows_. I didn’t tell her anything, but… I guess I’m really bad at keeping my face straight when you talk about my ass,” he let out a sigh, really hoping Sehyoon wouldn’t be upset. They talked about this before Byeongkwan left and they agreed that it’d be best if Byeongkwan didn’t tell his parents about their relationship just yet and Byeongkwan didn’t want his boyfriend to feel like he betrayed his trust.  
“Byeongkwan, it’s fine,” Sehyoon chukled, he could hear how nervous Byeongkwan was to tell him and he thought it was silly. “It’s your mom, baby. It’s completely fine if she knows, okay? You trust her, right? It’s okay, really,” he continued, reassuring his boyfriend. He wasn’t exactly pumped about the amount of people that knew about their relationship and he really regretted that he told his own mother but he didn’t want to tell Byeongkwan what he should and shouldn’t tell his mom.  
“I really didn’t want to tell her but—“  
“Kwannie. It’s fine, I promise I’m not upset or anything like that, okay?” he repeated, letting Byeongkwan take a deep breath. “Does she like me?” he decided to start a different conversation, that seemed more appropriate.  
“Um, yeah. Yeah, she does, actually. And she said that you’re very handsome and that I’m lucky to be dating you,” he nodded, not like Sehyoon could see it, letting his body relax again.   
“Well, you _are_ lucky!” Sehyoon laughed, he was joking but at the same time he didn't think he was the worst boyfriend Byeongkwan could get.  
"I know! I know, love, very lucky. You're hot, you're caring, you love me, like what more could I ask for, right?" he giggled, hiding his face against the pillow. He really was more than happy in his relationship. They had their struggles but they all seemed so little compared to the love they shared.  
"Why did you say that I'm hot first? Should I be concerned?" Sehyoon asked, still jokingly, his heart melting at all the giggling coming from the other side of the line.   
"Sehyoonie!" he laughed, quickly shaking his head. "You being hot is just a, like, very nice bonus."  
"I'm glad to hear that," the rapper replied and a little while of silence followed. He heard Byeongkwan's soft breathing and that was so calming that he didn't want to break the silence.  
“I love you so much, Sehyoonie. I can't wait to be home.”  
"Tell me about it, I can't wait for you to be here either."  
“Sehyoonie."  
“Yeah?” the rapper laughed at Byeongkwan’s sudden seriousness, waiting patiently for an answer.  
“I said I love you,” he said it again, rolling his eyes. He knew that Sehyoon wasn’t very keen on saying these words and he had his own way of saying it, but he just felt needy and he missed his boyfriend, he really wanted to hear it.  
“I heard you, baby,” there was a silence for a second, before he spoke up again. “I wrote you a song, wanna hear it?”   
“Sure, love. Go ahead,” he sighed, closing his eyes. Maybe it was just not the day he’d get to hear the L word. He heard some shuffling for a while, Sehyoon was probably looking for his notebook, and it went quiet for a while.  
“Okay. Um, it’s not…. It’s not ready yet, don’t judge me too hard,” he prefaced, taking a breath and finally reading his lyrics out loud. “I told you I love you, please hear me, please know that I’m innocent. Above my dark depression you’re the only brightness. My eyes have grown cold, I’m getting endlessly dark, If I can’t have you I’d rather ruin you--,” he stopped himself, looking at the notebook. “Okay, that… sounds morbid, I didn’t… mean it, like, in that— uhhh, okay, nevermind.”  
“Sehyoonie! It’s beautiful!” Byeongkwan quickly spoke up, hearing the doubt in Sehyoon’s voice. He knew his songs, he knew how intense they could get and he though it was amazing that he could write stuff like that. “I can’t wait to hear the whole thing. Is it just about you wanting me, my love?” he laughed softly, not complaining at all. That sounded like a great song.  
“Yeah, basically. I, um, started writing it when, you know, before… before we got together. I found it couple days ago and remember that I kinda like it, so, yeah… it’s intense, isn’t it?”  
“As intense as my love for you,” Byeongkwan replied playfully, hearing a laugh at the other side of the phone – goal accomplished.   
“I really do love you, Byeongkwan. Don’t you know it?” he sighed again. He knew it was sometimes difficult to read his emotions but he really tried to open up to Kwan as much as he could, he just needed time. They’ve been together for a few months already but it was still so new to him, after going his whole life without a relationship.  
“I do but it’s nice to, like, hear it out loud every now and then. Don’t you like it when I say it? Doesn’t it make you feel all warm and cozy? Cause I adore hearing you say it,” Byeongkwan shrugged, he didn’t think it was so crazy to want to hear it. He wouldn’t push Sehyoon into saying it normally but when they were apart and he couldn’t get the affirmation in any other way, he just wanted to.   
“I can say it to you every day, baby. If it makes you happy, I will repeat it until you’re sick of it. I love you, I love you, I love you so much that my heart hurts when I can’t be with you. I love you so much that I sometimes feel like I’m going crazy because I didn’t know it was possible to feel something like this for another person. I love you so much, you are the love of my life, Byeongkwan. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, if me telling you this makes you happy I will never stop,” he let it all out, he knew he had to. And he wanted to, he wanted to make his boyfriend happy and feel secure in their relationship so even if it made him feel little awkward to say all these things out loud, he’d rather feel awkward than have Byeongkwan doubt anything.  
“Sehyoonie,” the younger one whined, gripping his phone in his hand. He didn’t expect all that, a little  _I love you_  would be more than enough. “I’m sorry for making you tell me all this, I should know it. And I do know it, I—I’m not gonna ask you for this again, I’m sorry.” He felt like he should apologize but he was really happy to hear it all. He could feel that Sehyoon loved him, obviously, but moments like these made him even more confident in it, ever so slightly.  
“It’s fine, baby. Whatever makes you happy, okay? I just want you to be happy.”  
“You make me happy. What you do for me is enough, you don’t have to spell it out for me,” Byeongkwan chuckled, looking at the clock on the wall. “I should go, love. I have to get up really early tomorrow, the party is in our house and I have to help mommy prepare everything,” he sighed, not really wanting to end the call but he needed to get as much sleep as he could.  
“Alright. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yes?”  
“Of course!”  
“Okay. I love you, Byeongkwan. Good night.”  
“Good night, Sehyoonie.”


	23. 23.

**Day 218**

Once again, Sehyoon found himself sitting in Donghun’s office and for some reason he had a feeling the conversation Donghun wanted to have wouldn’t be the most pleasant one. For some reason Donghun only invited Sehyoon to his office when he wanted to talk about something important and, mostly, work related and that was barely ever positive. Sehyoon was ready for it all, though, so he sat in the chair and waited for Donghun to finish his call.

“Sorry, I had to take that,” Donghun smiled, finally ending the call and sitting down across from the rapper. He was thinking about how to approach this conversation for couple of days and he figured that the best policy was to be straight with him so that was his plan.  
“That’s fine. So, what do you wanna talk about?” Sehyoon asked, looking at his friend. He could feel that it was not going to be too terribly pleasant but he had to listen to his manager anyway.   
“First of all I want you to know that this was not my idea but the CEO said we have no other option at this point and you, really, you have no say in this. So, we... um, I contacted Dispatch and—“   
“Donghun, no. Don’t do this to me,” Sehyoon quickly stopped his friend, getting up from the chair. He knew exactly where Donghun was heading with that sentence and he didn’t want to hear it. He didn’t have the strength to argue about it because he knew that if Donghun already decided, he really had no choice but he was hoping to god that Donghun would reevaluate his decision.  
“It’s already been decided, Sehyoon. I’m sorry, I really am, but we have to do this.” Donghun did try to reason with his boss, that it really was pointless to out Sehyoon with some random girl, that people wouldn’t believe it anyway, but after talking about that ring and everything, he simply didn’t have enough arguments to make his boss change his mind. “We will do it with Mina, she is already informed about everything. We explained to her that we want to protect the privacy of your real girlfriend and she agreed to do it. They will be ready for you tomorrow, you’re going to pick her up at her place and then drive to a park near her house. You will take a walk there and, you know, maybe you could kiss her?”  
“You know I can’t,” Sehyoon shook his head as soon as he heard that word, that was in no way happening. He wouldn’t disrespect Byeongkwan in that way. “Look, I will do whatever the fuck you want I don’t care, but I am not kissing anyone who isn’t Byeongkwan.”  
“Okay. At least hug her or something, okay? Prepare some jokes so you can pretend to actually have fun. I know this sucks but trust me, it’s gonna make it easier for you and Byeongkwan. I am doing this for you,” and also because he had no other option, but that was beside the point. “I told you it’s gonna be difficult if you get into a relationship, Sehyoon.”  
“So it’s _my_ fault? I told you I want to come out. I don’t give a fuck if I lose my career, I’d rather perform for 10 people that accept me then for a thousand that would crucify me if they knew.” At that point in his life and his relationship with Byeongkwan, all he wanted to do was to be honest. He knew it would more than likely ruin his career and he couldn’t do his job on the level he has been for the past couple of years but he started in underground clubs and he had no problem returning there. If working some boring 9-5 job would mean he could be open about who he was, he didn’t think it was the worst thing ever.  
“No, Sehyoon, it’s not your fault. It’s not what I meant, I just—I can’t do shit about it. I tried, bro, I fucking tried but I...,” he sighed, looking down at the table. He felt awful, he hated that he had to do this to his best friend but he was a little man in a big company and barely anyone would listen to his opinions about the matter. And it was even worse since he knew exactly how Sehyoon felt because he felt the same. He wanted to walk on the street holding Yuchan’s hand, he wanted to introduce him to his family and know they wouldn’t be disgusted by it. But he couldn’t and he knew that Sehyoon couldn’t either.  
“Donghun…,” Sehyoon walked over to his friend, pulling him up and into a tight hug. He could see the pain on Donghun’s face and he knew exactly why he felt that way. In the last couple of months, they talked a lot about relationships and their situations and everything with Byeongkwan and he knew that Donghun loved him and supported his relationship to the fullest, but it simply wasn’t so easy.  
“I’m really sorry,” the older one mumbled, hugging the rapper back. He felt like crying but he held it back, trying to breathe through the distress – it wasn’t like him crying would make anything at all better and he didn’t want to make Sehyoon feel even worse.  
“I know you are,” he nodded, pulling back just enough to be able to look at the other man. “We can do it. You said it, it’s only like, what? Two years? Two years left of my contract. If Byeongkwan loves me as much as I think he does, he will wait for me. With me.”  
“Talk to him and let me know if we can do it tomorrow, okay? I promise it’s gonna be quick.”  
Sehyoon just nodded before pulling Donghun back into a hug. He needed it and he was pretty sure his best friend did as well.

It was later that day when Sehyoon finally arrived home and he was, as always, greeted with an amazing smell. Byeongkwan was cooking for him almost every day lately, since he didn’t have that much public appearances and therefore Byeongkwan didn’t have that much work to do.  
“Hello, baby,” he greeted, walking to the kitchen when he took his shoes off. He walked straight over to Byeongkwan, hugging him from behind and placing a soft kiss on the back of his neck. “It smells delicious.”  
“Hi, Sehyoonie,” Byeongkwan purred, leaning back into the hug and turning his head to ask for a kiss – that he got very quickly. “It’s just tteokbokki. I was out with Junhee so I didn’t have time to make anything else.  
“That’s more than enough,” Sehyoon smiled, kissing his boyfriend once more before letting go of him and getting something to drink from the fridge. He thought if he should talk about the _issue_ right away or enjoy the food first but he figured that the sooner the better so he took a deep breath before speaking up again. “I need to tell you something.”  
“Uh oh. What’s wrong?” Byeongkwan quickly turned around, after putting the pot aside so the food wouldn’t burn. He could tell from the tone of Sehyoon’s voice that he wasn’t about to tell him something good and that always made him nervous.  
“There’s something I have to do and I wanted to talk about it with you because, like, it… it sucks, I don’t want to but…,” he sighed, leaning against the counter and looking at the younger man. “The company wants me to get photographed by dispatch with my ‘ _girlfriend’_. So, um, I gotta… do that tomorrow.”  
“Oh. Well, we expected that eventually, didn’t we?” Byeongkwan shrugged, he wasn’t too excited about it but he knew he had no say in Sehyoon’s career. “Are you going to be kissing her?” he asked, the thing he really cared about the most. He wouldn’t be mad at Sehyoon if he had to do it but he wanted to know what to be ready for.   
“No. Of course not, baby,” Sehyoon quickly shook his head, reaching out to grab his boyfriend’s hand and pull him closer, stroking his hips softly. “I wouldn’t kiss anyone who isn’t you. I just have to, um, I don’t know. Walk with her in some fucking park,” he rolled his eyes, his hands slowly moving under Kwan’s shirt, Sehyoon gently caressing the skin of the younger one. He was trying to make him feel more relaxed but he knew it wasn’t a nice situation.  
“Okay,” Byeongkwan nodded, leaning in to kiss the rapper, wrapping his arms around his neck. “I don’t _want_ you to do this but I know you have to – it’s okay. It’s your job, I knew what I was getting into. Okay? You don’t have to feel bad about it.”  
“I wish I could be a better boyfriend for you, baby. I really do, I just—I’m sorry for putting you through this.”  
“It’s not your fault, Sehyoonie. We will be fine, it’s just a fake date with some random girl,” Byeongkwan did his best to smile supportively, running his fingers through Sehyoon’s hair. Of course he wasn’t thrilled about it but he trusted Sehyoon and it was just for the public anyway. No big deal, right?  
“I love you, Byeongkwan,” the rapper sighed after a while of just looking at the younger man and he pulled him in to kiss him deeply, squeezing his hips along. He thought he should reassure Byeongkwan just in case and he was also trying to say it out loud more often since Byeongkwan obviously wanted to hear it.   
“I love you too,” he smiled, kissing Sehyoon softly once more before pulling away. “Should we eat now?”  
“Sounds like a great idea,” the rapper nodded, sitting down by the table. He barely eat during the day so Byeongkwan’s food sounded just about perfect.

**Day 219**

“So, are you going to tell me something about her?” Mina broke the silence, it was unbearable. They were walking around some weird, badly lit park hand in hand for the past ten minutes and all Sehyoon said since he picked her up in her apartment was _hi_. She was very talkative person and that silence was way too uncomfortable.   
“What?” Sehyoon looked up, looking at the woman next to him. “Um, what would you like to know?” he asked, slowing down and looking around to check where exactly the photographer was. He was told by Donghun that he had to be in that park for at least 30 minutes so he put a timer on his phone as soon as he got out from the car. He wanted to get it over with and go home, to Byeongkwan, where he belonged.  
“I don’t know, something. Anything. How did you meet?”   
“We worked together,” he answered simply, really not trying to have a conversation. He tried not to sound rude but at the same time he didn’t care too much. After all, that woman knew it was nothing but a job for both of them so why would he waste his energy on a conversation.  
“That’s thrilling,” she sighed, shaking her head. “Look, I’m not pumped about doing this either, could you at least _try_ being more friendly? We are supposed to look like we’re actually having fun, did you forget about that? Or did your manager just not tell you anything, as per usual?”   
“What do you mean as per usual?” Sehyoon frowned, walking over to a bench to sit down. He had enough of walking in that godawful park.  
“Well, you know… it’s very obvious he is more of a friend than a manager to you,” she shrugged, sitting next to the rapper. “The whole company knows that.”  
“Ha, that’s funny,” he chuckled ironically, looking at the woman next to him. “All you brave people talking about me and Donghun behind our backs have no fucking clue how hard it is and how harsh he is with me. Just because he doesn’t yell at me at set doesn’t mean we’re all sunshine and rainbows,” he rolled his eyes. He knew the rumors in the company weren’t very pleasant towards him and his best friend, but he tried not letting that get to him. Nobody really knew how hard Donghun could be on him, how hard just _being him_ was.  
“Are you always this pleasant to talk to or is this special treatment just for me?” she spoke up again after a while of silence. She never talked to the rapper other than on set or for a second in the company and she was starting to think it wasn’t too bad. So far he was acting like nothing short of an asshole and all the attraction she had towards him was slowly disappearing.   
“Do you expect me to laugh when you obviously think I get some special treatment just because he is my friend? I’m not trying to be rude but you have _no_ fucking idea how difficult my life is,” he shrugged, he wasn’t really affected by the fact that a random girl thought he was rude. He simply really wasn’t in the mood to talk to anybody who wasn’t Byeongkwan.  
“Well, enlighten me then. Tell me how hard it is to be a millionaire that gets to do what he loves for a living,” she shook her head, really doubting his life was all that difficult.  
"Look, Mina, I'm sure you think my life is all that and a bag of chips but do you think we'd be sitting on this bench if it was so ideal?" he looked at her, trying to be less condescending. He wasn't about to spill his heart out to this girl he barely knew but he probably could be a little nicer.  
"See, I don't get that either. Nobody would care if you showed your girlfriend. This whole thing is so unnecessary and- wait, unless...," she gasped, turning to look at the man next to her. A thought suddenly crossed her mind. "Unless, that _girlfriend_ of yours... isn't a girl?"  
"What are you trying to say?" he chuckled, trying his best not to show his discomfort. That was what he was about to get for trying to be nicer?   
"You are dating Kang Yuchan, aren't you? That gay singer?" she gasped again, everything suddenly clicked in her mind. Or at least it made more sense than not showing his real partner just because they wouldn't want publicity.  
"What? No, _what_? What gay singer? How- where... he isn't gay? I'm not dating him at all, are you okay?" he shook his head. Well at least that wasn't all a lie. "Why would you think I'm dating Yuchan?"  
"You've been seen together, right? The whole company knows he is gay, come on," she laughed, that really wasn't a secret. Yuchan was known to talk a little too much sometimes and he wasn't always careful with the words he used.  
"Well, I- I'm not dating him," he shook his head quickly. That the-whole-company-knows thing was starting to make him very uncomfortable.   
"But you don't have a girlfriend either, do you? It makes so much sense! You've never really been seen with a woman before, have you? Shit, you're gay!" she exclaimed again, she was sure she finally understood this whole thing properly.   
"Would you like to raise your voice a little bit higher? I think the dispatch man didn't hear you clearly enough," he growled a little, looking around nervously. That wasn't a thing to be thrown around so lightly.  
"I can't believe this! Wow, King Wow is gay. Fuck!" she laughed again, mostly from the shock of the whole situation. She never really thought about it like that but it made so much sense.   
"Mina, _please_ , stop saying that," he whined, hiding his face against his palms. He didn't really see a point of trying to deny it but he didn't want to admit it either.  
"Sorry, sorry," she nodded, lowering her voice. "It's okay! It's not a bad thing, I just... I didn't... wow, I'm.... wow!"  
"Don't talk about this with anyone, okay? Please. It's not... I can't, you know, my contract, I don't- just don't talk about it. Please, I beg you," he looked up again, trying to read the woman's face to know if he should go call Donghun right away to tell him they were screwed or if it could wait till the next morning.  
"Of course! I'm not going to out you, I promise," she quickly clarified, taking his hand into her own again. "Who is he? Is he really from work?"  
"Yup," he nodded, he still didn't really want to talk about it. The longer it all went on, the more people knew about it and the bigger the chance of it all getting out was and he was beyond terrified of that happening.  
"Oh my god! It's that makeup guy, isn't it?"  
"You are really smart, huh?" he laughed softly, but he nodded. What was the point of denying anything anymore. All he could do at that point was hope she wouldn't open her mouth to a wrong person.  
"He is so pretty, though," the woman smiled cutely, leaning her head against Sehyoon's shoulder. "Tell me more about him. All I remember is him saying you're not his type."  
"He said that?" Sehyoon chuckled, rolling his eyes. He hated that he put Byeongkwan in a position of people asking about him. "Well, I don't... I don't know if I should talk about him too much. It's, you know, I shouldn't talk about him at all. If Donghun knew you know- well, _once he knows,_ he will be so upset."  
"I will talk to Mr. Lee, don't worry. I really hope for the best for you, though! He seemed really cute" she smiled supportively, she felt way more comfortable around the rapper now she knew. It made sense why he always kept his distance and she also knew how harsh the industry could be so she couldn't blame him for keeping more to himself.   
"He is amazing," Sehyoon agreed, getting up from the bench when his phone started ringing. The timer was finally over. "Should we go? I want to go home and I'm sure you do too."  
"Home? To your bae?" she smirked, getting up as well and following the rapper to his car. Hopefully the photographer got enough pictures of them.  
"Yes, he is waiting for me," the rapper nodded, opening the door for her. Well, at least he hoped Byeonkgwan was waiting for him.  
  


Sehyoon almost ran to the bedroom as soon as he got home, taking his clothes off on the way and jumping to the bed, lifting his boyfriend’s blanket and getting under it, cuddling as close to him as he could. He grabbed him by his hips, pulling him closer and placing soft kisses on the younger’s neck. He could see Byeongkwan was sleeping but he was very needy for the comfort only Byeongkwan’s body could give him. He continued for a while, his hands cupping the younger’s booty and he squeezed it harshly, finally getting a whine out from the younger man.  
“Hi, love,” Byeongkwan chuckled, opening his eyes. He was planning to stay awake and wait for his boyfriend but, apparently, his plan failed. “Was it awful? Is my Sehyoonie frustrated?” he laughed softly, seeing as Sehyoon wasn’t stopping anything he was doing. But Byeongkwan rather enjoyed needy Sehyoon so he threw his arms around the older’s neck, pulling him on top of himself.  
“Very,” Sehyoon nodded, burying his face in the crease of Kwan’s neck, kissing and licking every last place he could reach, his hands slowly moving from the younger’s butt to the front. He really needed Byeongkwan as close as possible, to completely erase the fact that he would be in the news the next morning from his mind.  
“It’s okay, love. You did great,” he praised his boyfriend, biting his lip when he felt the rapper’s hand get under his underwear. “Do you wanna fuck me to feel better?” he asked, though he knew the answer already.  
“Please,” the rapper nodded again, lifting his head up to look at Kwan. “Can I?”  
“Of course, Sehyoonie. But you have to get me ready, I didn’t think you’d have this much energy,” he grinned, wrapping his legs around the older’s waist. He knew that wasn’t going to stop Sehyoon, on the contrary he liked to pay attention to Byeongkwan’s body even when he prepared himself beforehand anyway.  
“Sounds great to me,” Sehyoon quickly nodded, leaning up to finally lick into the younger’s mouth.


End file.
